voidtreckerexpress | relations [closed]

Of course Xander makes good on his threat. He always does. But there's something different this time...Seto may not have any ability to sense emotion, and his social experience may be more stunted than most, but even he couldn't miss those words earlier, or Cottonball's fretting. Or that Xander isn't as jovial as usual.

So Seto squeezes Xander fiercely, a reminder that he's not going anywhere. Siebren's shadow enters the room then, and he relaxes as the door shuts. It's just them. No interruptions.

He takes the offered driink and sits next to Xander, easily in arms' reach if needed. "Whatever it is...I'm fairly confident we can handle it. I think you two know most of my story already, but...hey, if it helps, I can add."

Edited 2021-06-04 03:10 (UTC)

If he doesn't--he won't. "I better start, it's just." A lot. A struggle to get out. It always has been. Were he here, Alex might tease him that Xander had already done it once, why was it so hard to repeat?

Xander sits down next to Seto, rubbing his wrist. The right one, where the bar code tattoo is, half-hidden by the bracelet Willow had given him a few months ago.

"Well. I mean it's kind of obvious I'm not entirely human," he starts, a hint of humor re-entering his voice, even as he twitches his wings. "Except it goes further than that. Where I'm from, at least some people had cloning technology, and I am one. My 'twin'? Alex? He's actually my progenitor; they took cells from his wing feathers and cloned me when they couldn't kidnap him."

He relates all this like it's normal. Only because to him, it is. "Anyway, the Artificers--the people who made me--wanted to make me into some sort of weapon, but I ran away before they really got programming into me." Xander laughs, clipped. "But that's why I have scars--they'd implant or inject things in me, and my body rejected them. Sometimes violently. So. Um. I kind of..."

He swallows then a little. "I know I've been told different before, a bunch of times, but I still have issues with thinking I'm a person. Not every place on Artepus thought clones were people, after all."

The Artificers certainly had not.

Siebren takes a seat across from the boys and settles in as Xander begins to speak.

The idea of successful cloning technology is intriguing - it is one of the few scientific areas in which his world has not yet managed consistent success - but in Xander's world, it seems to have come at the cost of any semblance of ethical practice. The results of such a practice are before him, uncertain of his own personhood and whether he belongs in a family. Siebren's expression turns stony at the thought. Unacceptable.

"Rest assured, you are a person, and anyone who would tell you otherwise is incorrect at best." It is a baseline that needs to be established, though given Xander's own opinion on the matter, it may not be the most helpful. He sighs, voice softening. "That said, my opinion means little if you yourself do not believe it. What would help you in that regard, do you think?" What does Xander need?

Seto thinks he's familiar with bits and pieces here, but to have it all laid out like this...he listens. He does his best to process. But the contrast between the cruel belittling Xander's struggled to shake and the strong and giving person Seto absolutely knows Xander to be is such a wide gulf that it's still a little hard to believe.

As Seto listens to Siebren's offer, he scoots closer to gently take Xander's arm. He's still not the best at providing physical comfort, but he's learning. Slowly.

"The way I see things, who you are is defined by your choices. And I've seen you choose compassion and kindness over and over again, to an extent that still baffles me at times. We're better off for having you."

But yes, he agrees, Siebren is asking the right question. "But...what he said. I know deeper fears can be stubborn. But I'm more stubborn."

And you're worth fighting for, Xander, is the overwhelming flow of thought here.

Edited 2021-06-04 19:15 (UTC)

"Well...keep bonking me over the head, metaphorically speaking. Eventually I'll learn? I hope?" Because honestly, these are two entirely separate people with no ties to his past, telling Xander the exact same thing that people who knew and were there for a lot of it telling him the same thing.

Xander ducks his head a little. "The compassion thing kind of comes easier. I don't think I could've ever managed as what the Artificers wanted. The empathy would probably choke me more than a little bit. Unless they overrode it--they managed to implant stuff like that in other clones, but..." Really it was his healing that killed that. If the machinery couldn't stick...and they hadn't wanted to try to break the healing with genetic therapy. It was too useful.

That, Xander agreed with, though. He looks over at Seto with something like a grin. "You are stubborn. But even you got worn down. But if you can, so can I, with what the scientists who made me tried to make me believe. Even I can be taught!"

At least his normal humor seems to have reasserted itself quickly, too...

Edited 2021-06-04 21:56 (UTC)

He nods at Seto's assessment - partially because he agrees, and partially because it is true. They are all better for having known Xander; fitting, then, that his compassion and empathy is what saved him from his erstwhile fate as a living weapon.

"Then we shall simply have to remind you," he says, offering Xander a gentle smile. "I am certain Seto and I can manage that. Although I do not believe you are giving yourself nearly enough credit." He can be taught are words to describe a misbehaving puppy, not a person in Xander's situation.

Seto maintains his silent support through all of this, remaining close. If his brother needs support, he'll get it. That includes hugs. Sigh. Yes, he's given in to this, but it's not the worst thing. He curls his arm around Xander's shoulder, reeling him in close.

"Where I come from, blood is everything. If you don't have a traditional family for whatever reason, it's widely believed that something's wrong with you. So I forged myself into a cold and calculating heir to survive, and after everything I'd done? Sometimes I wasn't sure that I was still human. In the colloquial sense."

He looks between the two of them, then at. Oh, right. Xander. Struggling with identity. He quickly adds: "By that I mean...capable of love. Which is an imprecise and sentimental definition that I've unfortunately absorbed from poetry, but I'm confident we all meet it."

He's still struggling with the F word a bit, but it should be clear from his expression.

Edited 2021-06-05 01:17 (UTC)

Xander offers Siebren another smile--almost shy, which is possibly strange coming from him when he's usually so outgoing. Cottonball seems to have been calmed, though for the moment, she's still curled in the hollow of Xander's collarbone.
"Please do. I need it." If he could hear Siebren's thoughts, he might laugh, because he's likened himself to a puppy in the past.

No, Seto's the one who gets a look from him now. Xander lifts a hand to unceremoniously ruffle Seto's hair. He knows that'll probably drive him mad--he's usually so impeccable in dress and demeanor, but at this moment, he wants to make a point.

"You love Yugi. If you can love him so openly and purely, the way you do? Anything else should come easy. It's just less intense love, in its way. Platonic other than romantic, you know?" Xander figures that might be an easier dose to swallow for his brother. He's been through a lot, after all. It's just a road Xander's somewhat familiar with, because his 'twin' did essentially the same. (Except Seto had done it to survive. Xander isn't sure Alex had to do that. But Alex understands the cost, even as Seto so obviously does.)

He laughs a little, then, more than a bit rueful. "At least I don't have to ask for your support. Considering you're all here...even I can tell I have it."

Seto sputters once more when Xander has his way. Wow, he must look like such a mess right now! He reaches up one hand to try to fluff his hair back into place...or at least not leave it as messy as his boyfriend's.

Even then, there's a fondness in his eyes as he finishes fussing with his hair.

"And if I ever catch anyone here treating you as lesser, I'll punch their lights out. Or...settle for a stern talking-to," he amends, remembering decorum. And how easily things can spiral out of control here.

"I haven't really told anyone. I mean." In some places, it's potentially dangerous, and Xander knew it. Maybe not on the train, but back home?

"I'm not sure people here are really like that, either," Xander admits. "I mean, we're all supposed to be big damn heroes, right? That's why we're here?"

The expression on his face suggests just how ridiculous he finds the idea, but he's also been going along with it for quite a while, too.

"Don't punch anyone because of me. A stern talking-to works just fine in my book. That said, do you think we ought to take people to task for calling Siebren 'gramps'?" he asks, looking to the older man with a grin. "You're not old!"

Then again he's probably got a pretty charitable opinion of age...

He sits back for the moment and lets them talk, smiling at the hair ruffle. It's sibling behavior - even though he'd never had any of his own, he can still recognize it. "From you, Seto, I believe the stern talking-to would be more effective." He has seen Seto fight, and he has seen Seto speak; his strengths are obvious.

Xander's question gets a huff of a laugh. "No, though I appreciate the offer. To be fair, I am old in terms of a normal human lifespan, or at least I am getting there, and the protest was...mostly facetious." The ensuing melodramatics with Vexen would have likely clued in anyone listening to them; also, they had been fun. "Better to focus on that than..."

Than his own troubles. Than the fear that he cannot quite assuage. Than the aspects of himself about which he should issue a warning.

"...anything else," he finishes, unable to salvage his smile. Perhaps, if he is lucky, they will not ask.

Seto almost pouts at that dismissal of his abilities. He could absolutely land a punch...provided the other person was both made of flesh and not expecting it. Which couldn't be guaranteed. He leans back, lets it all sink in. Briefly thinks about pulling Tidus aside at the upcoming party, thinks better of it.

And then something shifts in the air. He may not have Xander's gift, and he may be more emotionally challenged than most humans, but even he can recognize that something else is lurking beneath the surface. He briefly looks at Xander, then back at Siebren.

"...than what else?"

He leans a little forward in his seat.

Xander has half of a clue--there was that day, a few months back, where Siebren had asked him if he knew what Siebren was feeling.

He doesn't consider it his proudest day, honestly. Xander doesn't feel like he did enough, then, and it motivates him now to move from his spot by Seto to switch to a seat next to Siebren, to rest a hand on the older man's shoulder.

"You were lonely, then. It hasn't gone away? Or is there more? We're here for you." That's a good start, Xander thinks--but there was a bit more, too. But it's not for Xander to even attempt to force it out of Siebren. Only to give him support so he can do it himself, if he so chooses.

He is never lucky. He ought to know this by now.

Had it only been Seto's concern, he would have been able to deflect - after all, they were here to help Xander, were they not? But Xander has enough insight - because Siebren had asked for his help in gaining it - to target him specifically. He has backed himself into this corner, and there is no escaping it.

"I..." He trails off, throat working uselessly. He is still lonely, a constant undercurrent that he is often able to ignore in favor of other priorities, but it is not on his mind at the moment. There is longing for someone to understand, and trepidation at possibly telling them, but-

More than anything else, he is afraid. That same awful, smothering fear of history repeating itself despite his best efforts, dragged to the forefront by the possibility of telling someone why it is he is so afraid in the first place, strangles what he might have otherwise said.

"I...would not want to burden you."

It is barely an excuse, and he knows it; it's also all he has at the moment.

Seto takes in a breath as he watches Xander, curious about what his brother perceives. There's clearly something going on, and a part of him aches to hop over and join the comfort pile. But not yet, that's too much too soon.

He instead looks across the car and locks eyes with Siebren.

"I think we can take it. You've faced our darkness and supported us. Let us return the favor."

He speaks with sincere conviction. "No matter what it is, it won't scare me away.."

"Burden?" Xander repeats that word, more out of surprise than anything. A burden? It's always a shock to him when someone insists they're a burden. Alex. Seto. There have been others, and now Siebren joins them.

He has to protest. "You are not a burden! Confused and scared, maybe, but we all are at some point! I was before I entered this room, but you guys--my family--supported me, and I'll be damned if I don't do the same!"

Xander moves out of his seat, to kneel on the floor before Siebren and gaze up at his face. "Dad. Dad. Seto and I are here for you. We're not going to leave you alone. No matter what. I--I killed a demon for Camael, once. If I have to do the same for you--I-I'll do it."

That, too, is scratching the barest surface, but if they want actual details, he'll share them. They're family. They deserve nothing less.

Once again, Seto says something for which he feels he can formulate an adequate response, and then Xander upends him completely. He can handle the protests, and the support - they are helping, actually, as the fear ebbs enough for him to begin to get a handle on it-

And then Xander takes a knee in front of him and the melody swells to a crescendo, screams in his mind as something shifts and he does not know why-

But he does. He has seen people on their knees before him - no, before Sigma. Demanding to know what he was- calling him a monster- begging for their lives- none of it ever made a difference- there was a mission to be accomplished and they needed to be dealt with-

He takes a shuddering breath as reality falls back into place around him. This is not the same - there is no mission and Sigma is not here - but he cannot do this-

"Xander, please." He reaches down to pull Xander back to his feet, and if his voice and his grip are unsteady, he is attempting to ignore it. "I- It is nothing like that. I am not in that sort of danger."

Besides, an awful little voice in the back of his mind reminds him, dripping poison with every word, he has no need of others' violence when Sigma is fully capable of enacting his own.

Seto once again feels very, very lost. Why is Siebren pulling Xander up? It's clearly more than worrying about his knees getting stiff. But he doesn't feel as Xander does, he can only rely on what he sees...and Siebren's body language is familiar. He's suppressing something, but what?

He closes his eyes and tries to remember what he knows. Siebren has incredible power, and becomes a terrifyingly competent warrior when a situation calls for it. Being 'old' is an amusing distraction from whatever else in his life was on his mind. His fear is not related to an enemy being after him. If the danger isn't from someone else, then is it...

"Then what danger is it? Are you afraid that whatever it is will hurt us somehow? Because...I know you won't. Do you remember how many times I've placed my life in your hands? You've always pulled through."

He steps in to help Xander up, then tugs so the two boys are seated on either side of their father. "You don't have to say anything. Just...sit with us for a few minutes?"

And he'll lapse into silence at his side, offering a grounding presence.

Yes. He's felt that before--only faintly with Siebren, but another friend from Artepus has done this sort of thing before...

Why does Xander only think about Rekah now? (Because there wasn't need before. Because she was never really dangerous. But Siebren isn't dangerous, his mind protests...)

He allows himself to be dragged up, by Siebren. By Seto. He's quiet for a long, long moment, before he wraps his arms around the older man and just gives him a hug. Without a hint of hesitation.

"I don't know who or what hurt you," he says, quietly. "But I don't think you'd hurt us. I've trusted you, too." Xander's armed Siebren in the past, for heaven's sake.

Xander doesn't say anything else, but he's markedly reluctant to release Siebren from his hug, too.

They trust him.

They do not know - they have seen pieces, but they do not know - and still they trust him.

It takes a few moments for the realization to sink in - to feel Seto at his side and Xander's arms around him - and to understand that this may be the lifeline he needs.

Something shifts, again, but this time, he thinks, for the better. He wraps one arm around Xander - careful not to crush his wings - and the other around Seto, holding them close and simply breathing.

His boys. His family.

It takes him some time to settle; for once, he allows himself the time, instead of attempting to simply cover his weaknesses up and move on. His breath hitches a bit, but finally evens out, and he can think again. He is still afraid - he does not know if that fear will ever truly leave him - but there is a warmth that had not been there before, a reassurance that perhaps things will not go as badly as he fears. The very idea of telling someone what exactly has happened to him no longer makes him want to escape, to sink through the walls and disappear.

And if anyone deserves to know, it is these two.

He sighs and lets them both go, resting his hands in his lap, allowing himself the time to gather himself and find words. It is another few seconds of silence before he manages to speak. "There was...an accident."

It is so very, very little, but it is a start. He can work with that.

"I...I mentioned my work. My experiments aboard the International Space Station." He pauses, swallows, soldiers on. "They were an unmitigated disaster." A hell of a way to start the story, but nonetheless true. "I still do not know how or why, but the containment field failed, and the resulting instability generated a black hole not two meters in front of me. It was a small one, but it was enough." His voice wavers on the last word, and he has to pause to gather himself again.

"I...do not remember much of what came next. It is...unfocused- scrambled- and I do not like to think about it. One of my current colleagues ran tests - according to her, the black hole essentially took me apart and reassembled me. It gave me my power over gravity, and it...adjusted my mind." It's a very mild description of events, to say the least. "I can hear- the music of creation- the melody of the cosmos-" It swells in his mind as he describes, louder and louder, pushing against his thoughts- "It sings to me- the answers are there, if only I could- if I could understand-"

As it so often does, the melody pushes into his mind, weaving through his thoughts, quickly subsuming them until he is gone, floating in an abyss of mathematics and music-

Until, as it so often does, the melody subsides, leaving a cold reality in its wake and the knowledge that Siebren has once again lost the thread of conversation. How long has he been gone? He does not know, but- but they are still here, and he is partway through an explanation.

"I...become lost in it, sometimes," he finishes weakly, as though they have not just witnessed it happen.

Is this the right approach? Seto has a moment to think here, and when he feels Siebren reel him in, he reaches up to fit an arm around his broad back. This moment of peace and togetherness is needed, a foundation of support for what's to come next. No matter what, he'll be here.

Soon enough, it's time for the truth. Seto shifts to give Siebren some space, though he remains closeby. He listens, tries to anticipate where things are going...

...so it was his powers. They weren't a chosen gift, but a byproduct of a terrible accident that left a permanent mark on the man. Seto couldn't imagine what it was like, but if the melody could swell up to consume his thoughts at any moment? That has to be terrifying. It must be so difficult to trust yourself when you can't trust your mind.

At last, he understands...some of it, anyway. So he reaches out and lays a smaller hand over Siebren's.

"Then we'll just have to help you find your way back."

A black hole. A black hole? Xander, being closer to a Scientist (a technomagician, if one wants to be proper; a mad scientist, to some), has more of a grasp on just what kind of event that was. No pun intended.

There, but for the grace of whatever gods exist, goes Drake, his foster father back on Artepus. And the fact that it happened to Siebren? That breaks Xander's heart, but not his resolve. Never that, at least.

"Adjusted," he says, sort of laughing wryly at that. "That's a word..."

Xander's not a telepath. He can touch Siebren and feel his father's emotions--and the strange, distorted distance that his dissociation brings. The yearning, the ache that accompanies the melody that only Siebren can hear. It makes a startled sob catch in his throat. He doesn't particularly lose track of time like Siebren is forced to (or cannot possibly help), but that and the thoughts of what he must have endured afterward sends tears coursing down the empath's cheeks, and while Seto, always more reserved, covers one of Siebren's hands with his own, Xander can't help but hug the older man.

"Yeah, Seto's right," he says, drawing back and sniffling, rubbing an arm across his face. "We're not just here for the happy shit, we're here for the entire ride." A bit crass, maybe, but it's heartfelt.

This is, Siebren thinks, the first time that he has returned from the melody and been welcomed. Normally he is greeted with confusion, or a snide remark, or simply ignoring the problem; this is the first time he has returned to find unconditional support.

He turns his hand over, taking Seto's hand in his, and wraps his other arm around Xander again. "Thank you," he says quietly, shaky but genuine. "Though I must warn you...it gets worse from here." If they plan on sticking it through to the end with him, he can at least give them - and himself - time to gather themselves.

Worse? How much worse can it get? Seto tries to imagine...it was a war, wasn't it? Siebren's a well-practiced combatant, but sometimes when it gets serious...another persona seems to take over. The closest comparison he has is the early days when Atem possessed an unknowing Yugi, but he doubts it's as simple as Sigma being a wandering spirit from an artifact.

"We're staying," he confirms, squeezing Siebren's hand. "It's not your fault."

Xander's thoughts echo Seto's. How much worse can it be? Except didn't someone mention something called the Omnic Crisis? But Orisa was an Omnic, and she was all right...

It's more than a little confusing to Xander, but he can definitely latch on and agree to one thing his brother says. "Yeah. You said it was an accident. That means you didn't mean for it to happen!"

He's still upset that Siebren had it happen, but the past is the past, and can't be changed. He wants to feel guilty that he couldn't do anything about it--but Xander knows better. If he'd been there, he would have, but it is what it is.

"Just take a deep breath. Do you need something to drink? We're here." It's pretty clear that Xander isn't the only one trying to gather up his thoughts.

Taking the time to breathe and to warn them helps. "I am alright, but thank you," he says in response to Xander's inquiries, nevermind that that could not be further from the truth. He takes another breath, attempting to center himself, and lets it out slowly.

"I do not remember how I returned to Earth - heavily sedated, I assume," he starts. "When I arrived...my world has no magic, no supernatural forces, and so powers like mine were unprecedented. There had been some progress in artificial gravitic manipulation - the Tobelstein reactor comes to mind - but nothing capable of matching what I am able to do. I was...unstable, unable to control my powers or think beyond the melody, and I do not think anyone knew how to handle it."

He is trembling again, despite his best efforts; surviving the accident was one thing, but his treatment afterwards is what most of his nightmares consist of. "I spent...a long time...locked up. They could not control me, and I was considered to be dangerous, so...I was relegated to a straitjacket and a padded room, begging for my freedom to people who would not listen. I do not know whether they reported me as dead or simply erased my presence from the world. Either way, I was...an oddity, to be kept under lock and key for observation, catalogued as Subject Sigma."

He takes a slow breath, still shaking, and lets it out. There is precious little calm to be had here, but he will take what he can. "I spent much of that time inside my own head, believing I would never be released." That he would spend the rest of whatever remained in his life in isolation, screaming and begging for his freedom until he died. "And then one day there were...alarms. Gunshots. The people who became my current colleagues found me and got me out. They gave me the time and the space to recover and find myself again."

It sounds like such a happy ending, and he knows now that it is not. "I have only just recently realized that they are not who I thought they were."

Seto's expression darkens a little as he listens---out of worry, not fear. His mind is conjuring images of what that's like. To have your mind torn apart, never to be put back together the same way...and then to be locked up, alone. Solitary confinement would make that experience far worse.

And then he went from that to a group of people who supposedly understood, only to...what? Be used as a weapon? People are largely scum, and will exploit any opportunity for power. He knows that in his bones. But in that situation, surely Siebren's feelings toward this group would be complicated...

Any apology he can think of sounds hollow. But as Xander has shown him...part of providing emotional support is through action. So he makes his way into the group hug, draping himself over them.

"You deserved better."

They could not control me. If that didn't ever sound familiar. And unpleasantly so. Didn't the Artificers do the same, basically, to him? And he was fully in charge of his faculties, such as they were.

What was done to Siebren was tantamount to torture, or worse. And while Xander can understand the gratitude that Siebren must have felt to be freed by this group--hadn't he felt thankful, when Drake told him he'd never have to worry about the Artificers ever again? (And even after that, there was a period where Xander didn't like being alone. Because what if Drake was wrong?)

He rests an arm around Siebren's shoulders--Xander can project calm, but he doesn't want to do too much. Surely his story is calling up all sorts of horrible memories, and the feelings are making him ache, but he's not going to shut them down.

"You did. And you didn't deserve to be used that way, either."

Though he does not yet know it, Seto's train of thought is exactly correct; he had not been rescued out of the kindness of anyone's heart, and it had taken him far too long to realize it. "And yet I am still being used, I think," he says quietly, wrapping an arm around Seto as he settles in. It's a terrible assessment, but so far as he can tell, an accurate one.

"My colleagues helped me recover and even gave me lab space and equipment - they encouraged me to return to my work, and I was happy to do so. I suppose it was a matter of time before they requested my skills in return." A viewpoint he can hold now, with the benefit of hindsight and a day's worth of clear thought, though it had taken him entirely by surprise at the time. "They required the use of my powers on missions. I was never given the parameters of the mission outside of my personal objective, and I was rebuffed when I inquired, but they were all...violent." His throat works for a moment, but he presses on. "I have never liked violence, and living through the Omnic Crisis only cemented that opinion, but...it was expected of me. They were angry, if I did not perform up to standard, and while they never threatened to return me to captivity, they also did not assure me they would not." The threat had hung heavily in the air, over Siebren's terror and guilt, leaving him only one way to survive.

"And so I created Sigma. He is...a mindset - another layer between me and the mission at hand. Every choice I make is still my own, but it is...easier, for Sigma to do what must be done during missions. Sigma is able to enact violence as needed, and I handle the consequences afterwards." The fact that his mask shares the name he had been assigned in captivity does not escape him, though he cannot think on the subject too hard before the melody subsumes him. "Seto is one of the few people here who has seen him in action." He had been active during the final fight on Nion, but no one had recognized the change in the chaos; Ken had also witnessed Sigma, but that version of Ken is long since departed.

"I was not able to consider the implications - of the missions, of what my colleagues were truly after, of why Sigma would be necessary - until just recently. That day that sent us all back in time did not send me far, but it placed me before my experiments but with my memories intact. Normally, I cannot think too deeply on more troubling subjects without being overtaken by the melody, but that day-" His voice wavers and he stops, remembering that day. Remembering the realization of just how much blood was on Sigma's - his - hands, at the behest of a group of people he does not truly know with motivations that are suspect at best. "Sigma- I have done terrible things," he manages, "for people whose motives I have been unable to question until just recently. I do not know who they are or what they truly want - only that they have been using me and I cannot say no."

Seto's worst suspicions are confirmed. His grip tightens as Siebren reveals his history, and at last Seto understands. So that's how Sigma was born. How such a gentle man with vibrant passions could be forced into becoming a weapon.

"...you won't get any judgment from me." I've done terrible things too, and I was entirely willing and of sound mind, Seto thinks, but this isn't about him. This is about helping Siebren. A man who's had very little control over his own destiny, through no fault of his own. Only to end up here. What a joke.

But after all of that... "You've chosen to protect us ever since. That's who you are. I doubt a stern lecture would work on your 'past associates', but...ugh. I'd love to."

"I'd love to, too." Certainly Xander had done worse, himself, without a thin veil of a second self to cover up or, perhaps more properly, put him at a remove from it. He'd always had the right reasons--saving his brother and Irina from the other Camael's wrath; there'd been other events as well.

"I don't hold a lot of stock in the Bible, but here I think 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone' is a good line to quote. That and...I think if you'd managed to come back to some semblance of sanity on your own, or helped to that point, I don't think you ever would have had a need for Sigma. You made him to help protect yourself. And I'm sure there's plenty of research on the mind that speaks to that sort of thing." Xander might not have seen the hard, cold facts about that for himself, but he'd grown up in a laboratory environment. As an experiment. He'd joke that he'd picked things up by osmosis, but now wasn't the time for that.

"It's the people who machinated you for their own devices that deserve the blame here. Not you."

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