[CLOSED] how could I ever think it's funny

[darknessinzero]

Who: Ansem and Xehanort, later Vexen. Also Special Guest Elidibus!
Where: Quiet Car, later elsewhere
When: Llama 21
What: Ansem informs Xehanort of his actions upon others, and offers him a choice.
Warnings: Horrible Decisions and Regret. Highlight the following for spoilers, but this is a heavy log and has some heavy content. CW for manipulation, attempted murder/suicide via poisoning, and talk of trauma/death/etc.

Ansem's memories were coming back in time on their own. Mostly, they came dreamlike, in slow bits and patches that he was eventually able to connect to others for a larger pictures. Occasionally, though, there was a sudden connection, a sudden flash; most often, these came upon a familiar action or face.

Such as Xehanort's own.

After speaking with others, learning more- it was, perhaps, no surprise that the memories that surfaced afterwards were ones primarily connected with the other man. His apprenticeship. His betrayal. His actions on to others- and Ansem himself, trapped in darkness, with only anger and rage to sustain him. Letting it drive him once he escaped to spread further harm to others, all in the name of revenge...

He could not change the past. He knew that. But...perhaps. Perhaps one could keep it from repeating.

And so he sought out the other, first checking his room, then the library- and then, as he moved past through the quiet car, he happened to glance through a window and find him. Well. That was convenient. A light rap on the door, and-

"Xehanort- I'd like to speak with you, please."

Comments

[darknessinzero]

There is no comment on the posture. In a sense, it is reassuring; it is Even. Familiar. Stable. Perhaps not as grounding as Aeleus himself, but Aeleus is not here. And Ansem is finding himself...perhaps more comfortable with Even than he had before the banishment.

There is a new understanding between them, he thinks. One that came further in to light when Even answered his call, and offered only swift action - then reassurance. And here, at least, he is being given truth, even if it is not reassuring, but he nods.

"I had not been certain if it was a lack of understanding or lack of ability to understand," he admits after a moment. "And if that was a warning sign or not. All I knew was that if I could spare others the pain I had experienced, my Kingdom, my Apprentices, entire worlds..."

He looks down at his hand, slowly flexing his fingers.

"...he agreed, Even." Once more, wonder. "And then he tried to shield me. I must make things right between us, even if all I can do is accept his own judgement that I am no longer fit to be his Master."

Things would never be the same - he knew this. But- he could at least help pick up the pieces of his no-doubt shattered image that dwelled within Xehanort's mind, and offer them back to rearrange as the man saw fit.

[thawed_pride]

"I did not get the sense that he is yet...entirely sure he does not still agree. Merely that he wants certainty in one direction or the other, rather than to be left to wonder what the final verdict may be."

He closes his eyes, though his expression is anything but peaceful. His brow is tense, and the line of his mouth thin, lips pressed into a near grimace.

"I...wish I could grant him that certainty. But as much as I wish to trust that he will remain the man he is now, I cannot help but fear who he shall become if he regains his memory."

[darknessinzero]

"I understand."

It will always be there, won't it? The shadow of their memories. Of the man who forcibly removed Even's Heart - who stole Ansem's name. Destroyed their home, warped their very lives, brought out the Darkness in them both...

But still. As Ansem reaches up to squeeze Even's shoulder, as quiet as his voice is - there's the tone of finality that suggests he has made up his mind.

"But you and I both know that we, too, can be terrifying given the right impetus. It is my hope that knowing whom he has the potential to be would dissuade him from seeking to regain his past, and instead focus on creating a better future. I would exonerate him as formally as I could - and I would have you present."

But as much as his tone is final, there is...something else in there. He is asking Even, here, and once again he is keenly aware he could be denied.

"I understand if this is too much to ask of you, given your history. But it would...be good to have you by my side, during such a moment."

A show of support? Concord? Perhaps something else entirely.

[thawed_pride]

It will, indeed. No matter how much he might want to look back to that happier time, what came after will always cast a dark shadow over his memories. Even otherwise innocuous things have already given him pause, where they reminded him of Xemnas. Yet, still...

"You needn't worry. While I am as of yet unable to fully trust him, I have already offered him a chance to re-forge what of our friendship is not irrevocably destroyed."

[darknessinzero]

To that, a smile. Not a polite one; a warm one, full of relief and gladness.

"Then we will both hope what amends we can offer will be enough to keep him from turning towards such a dark path, and to perhaps realize another potential." A pause, then, almost whimsically; "Did you know, there was a period I considered him a successor?"

[thawed_pride]

Seeing that expression, he can't help but smile in return. It's a fond expression, that he used to wear much more frequently...if only when he thought no one was looking.

"I was not certain, but I would not be surprised. He showed remarkable talent even from his arrival, and was...quite charismatic, as well. I think we were all rather endeared with him, even Dilan seemed fond. It...is somewhat relieving, to know that he was not lying to us even then."