[CLOSED] how could I ever think it's funny

[darknessinzero]

Who: Ansem and Xehanort, later Vexen. Also Special Guest Elidibus!
Where: Quiet Car, later elsewhere
When: Llama 21
What: Ansem informs Xehanort of his actions upon others, and offers him a choice.
Warnings: Horrible Decisions and Regret. Highlight the following for spoilers, but this is a heavy log and has some heavy content. CW for manipulation, attempted murder/suicide via poisoning, and talk of trauma/death/etc.

Ansem's memories were coming back in time on their own. Mostly, they came dreamlike, in slow bits and patches that he was eventually able to connect to others for a larger pictures. Occasionally, though, there was a sudden connection, a sudden flash; most often, these came upon a familiar action or face.

Such as Xehanort's own.

After speaking with others, learning more- it was, perhaps, no surprise that the memories that surfaced afterwards were ones primarily connected with the other man. His apprenticeship. His betrayal. His actions on to others- and Ansem himself, trapped in darkness, with only anger and rage to sustain him. Letting it drive him once he escaped to spread further harm to others, all in the name of revenge...

He could not change the past. He knew that. But...perhaps. Perhaps one could keep it from repeating.

And so he sought out the other, first checking his room, then the library- and then, as he moved past through the quiet car, he happened to glance through a window and find him. Well. That was convenient. A light rap on the door, and-

"Xehanort- I'd like to speak with you, please."

Comments

[mustknow]

Xehanort had been actively avoiding Ansem, Lea and Even. It hadn't been too hard, it's not a tiny train and he'd simply went elsewhere as soon as he caught even a hint of a familiar Darkness in the air. They'd been bothered enough, clearly, and staying out of the way gave him time to think.

He'd reached no worthwhile conclusions, only discovered he still had a desire to keep Ansem's name from being maligned too badly by those who clearly meant well but didn't understand what the king of Radiant Garden was like. The quiet car he'd taken over seemed to be a decent place to spend a bit of time with a book or two, his notebook and several ideas that simply weren't getting anywhere. He thought he'd be able to shift his focus, untangle a little of the mystery that was every bit of strange familiar-yet-not presence Elidibus put off, or start on the mysteries of the Void but none of it was properly keeping his attention fixed.

It's an ongoing lesson in frustration.

His head snaps up when someone knocks on the door; he'd thought these were uninterruptable! Apparently not, but if they were quiet he could allow someone else, surely--

Except the person on the other side of the door is one of the self-same people he'd been avoiding, and Xehanort hesitates. There was no refusing Ansem, that he already knew, but there's a lingering moment where he debates doing it anyway, for both their sakes.

There is still a measure of reluctance as he scoops his books and notes into a more organized heap and nudges the door open. "Of course, Master. What can I do for you?" Pleasant, carefully neutral, carefully controlled.

[darknessinzero]

It would not be unspeakable. Ansem had allowed his Apprentices to turn him away, if only temporarily; he had, however, trusted their respect to him to grant him an audience when requested. He has mixed feelings about Xehanort accepting it so readily, but...he steels himself as he steps in, his own expression solemn as he shuts the door behind him.

"I was wondering if Even or Lea had yet had the opportunity to speak with you," he explains, taking a seat across from the other.

[mustknow]

"No." Xehanort manages to get his pile of Things that were SUPPOSED to keep him occupied a bit better organized, so there is at least a good half a table for Ansem to make use of if he so chose.

Not that it seems Ansem brought any equal amount of book with him and thus might not need the extra space. "It seemed.. inadvisable. Given recent events." Inadvisable was a nice way of putting it, 'blind stupid' would be a better one, but he doesn't say so.

Lea must be the redhead. "I'm certain they-" He. He needed it. He still did. "-needed time to sort through matters a little."

[darknessinzero]

"I see. But you were promised an explanation." The firmness in his voice suggests a hint of disappointment, but- perhaps this is for the best. He takes a breath, briefly glancing out the window towards the void, and then back towards Xehanort. "I think, then, I should at least share with you what I know- if you are ready to hear it, that is."

[mustknow]

"..They are not at fault, Master. I have gone out of my way to not be underfoot, if they have been seeking me out to do just that then they would have had a challenging time doing so."

He can admit that much. Yes, they said they would explain - but in turn Xehanort has not exactly been easy to pin down until now. He couldn't exactly clarify why, save the ongoing war between wanting to know and not wanting to experience the thunder of someone else's darkness focused on him quite so soon.

That Ansem says he would makes him wonder suddenly if Even had backed out and foisted the duty somehow upon their mutual Lord rather than contend with it himself. Surely not. "...I am." He absolutely is not. "Though I would.. prefer not to distress you further, if possible."

[darknessinzero]

To that, a slight frown; while he can understand the avoidance, still...

"It is best you know sooner than later." They are all owed such a thing. For now, Ansem leans back, half-closing his eyes a moment before opening them. He seems...tired. Weary. Resigned? "You still remember nothing of your time before arriving in Radiant Garden- correct?"

And he's watching Xehanort closely for this- as though trying to detect something he missed before, some deception.

[mustknow]

He's listening - not just to the words, but the constant insidious whispers of Darkness that ebbed and flowed through the entire train. This very much was not the peaceful realm of Light that Radiant Garden had been, but it gave him reason to listen, pay attention, and do his best to sort out what he could detect.

"Almost nothing." Almost but not quite. "The experiments we'd been putting to the test did .. seem to be getting somewhere, but I have only a fragment or two." Which didn't connect to anything or help with anything at all and seemed UTTERLY IRRELEVANT to anything, but they were his and it was better than nothing at all. "I had hoped to continue with them but it seems that must be put on hold for now." It's not something he can do by himself!

Well, yet. He was working on that. "Unfortunately fragments of a memory of a giant playing card with a spear and a sock don't really seem..." That's definitely frustration that crosses his face, before it's controlled again. "Worth much."

let's do the time warp agaiiin..

[mustknow]

Drugged sleep is rarely truly restful sleep and this is no exception. It might have been, had he not gone over the recommended average dose and taken it from dreamless sleep to simply never waking up. That was how it was supposed to go.

Except he wakes up.

How much time has passed he can't tell. There's a blanket, he's no longer upright, the acrid taste of nightshade still on the back of his tongue, a faint and unpleasant reminder. It didn't feel like death, the dead presumably didn't have heartbeats or still taste anything, or feel anything. Xehanort doesn't get up immediately, instead carefully touching thumb to fingertips one at a time, then moving a little bit here or there to make sure things actually still functioned. Everything seemed in working order. It shouldn't be.

Did Ansem deceive him? Was it some sort of strange, merciless test? Surely Ansem wouldn't do such things!

... And yet.

[thawed_pride]

As much as Even had taken perfect control of the situation earlier, it had, ultimately, been adrenaline fueling the speed and efficiency of his actions. Afterward, he'd been tired...extremely so. But he made a promise to Ansem, so instead of laying down for a nap, he'd returned to the quiet room with a cup of coffee and waited on the bench opposite Xehanort.

When Xehanort finally stirs, he sets his coffee down on the table and places another cup on the opposite side. He thinks he remembers how Xehanort took it, although he wouldn't be surprised if he's misremembered details. It's not something he's thought about in a long time.

"Here, something to wash the taste out of your mouth. It ought to help with any lingering grogginess, as well. The antidote I administered only addressed the toxic effects, not the sedation."

[mustknow]

As soon as it's evident there's someone else, all movement stops. He's not good enough just yet with the sounds in the Darkness to pinpoint immediately who he's dealing with, though recent experiences have suggested he start working on that immediately.

Well. Not immediately. He was going to have to sit up first, something he works on with the slow care of someone not entirely sure they won't simply fall over again.

Even's here. Ansem is not. For some reason, he's still breathing, and the cup of coffee is studied in silence for a long moment. There were some obvious conclusions to draw, and the one he favors is not exactly the most pleasant.

"Did the first round not take?" He still sounds disoriented, but there's an edge of something unpleasant to it.

He didn't know if he could do it again. If the mixture had been wrong, not strong enough, whatever, making that offer a third time and then managing the will to actually follow through.. maybe he was too much of a coward to face eternity again so swiftly, for the cup is not touched.

[thawed_pride]

He shakes his head and, in a brief moment of his fatigue showing, rubs a hand over his face.

"Lord Ansem found himself with regrets nearly as soon as you passed out. He called for me to aid him in fixing his mistake, and we prepared an antidote. I recently acquired a chemistry kit, so we were able to do so swiftly."

He lets out a breath and picks up his own coffee cup, but doesn't drink from it yet. He has more to say, first.

"Xehanort...I am sorry. I have treated you unfairly, based upon actions you have yet to even conceive of, and betrayed both my responsibilities as your senior and your trust as a colleague. I do not ask forgiveness, but merely offer reparations."

[mustknow]

The more time he has to recover some idea of where he is and what's going on, the more the careful façade of neutrality is built back up. He was aware exactly how badly he'd humiliated himself so recently, and repeating it so soon was something he intended to actively prevent.

As Even speaks, Xehanort's listening to more than just the words, which don't match up well at all with what he remembered recently.

None of it.

Regret? 'His mistake'?

It doesn't fit. Neither did what seems awfully like words of reconciliation, against the backdrop of everything he'd experienced on the train.

"I'm sorry, what?"

[thawed_pride]

He's not surprised Xehanort is confused. After all, the man has not been privy to their thoughts, nor the conversations he, and he would not be surprised if Ansem as well, has had in search of outside perspectives. To him, it would be a suspiciously abrupt change.

Still. He is here to explain, and explaining is what he intends to do.

"Thus far, we have treated you as if you were the man who would betray us, merely from before he had the opportunity to do so. We have given you no opportunity to even convince us otherwise, and Lord Ansem...he realized nearly too late that it was he who was committing the act of betrayal.

"Likewise, I have reflected upon my memories and given my heart time to process. I believe...what I took to be your hidden nature was, in fact, a far more complicated circumstance. As a scientist, it shames me to have acted on assumptions without first examining the situation. And as your colleague, I am deeply sorry for treating you with such undeserved hostility."

and now a very special guest

[darknessinzero]

Some hours passed after Even had escorted Ansem to his room. Resting helped with digesting the events, but it was far from restful. There was still a gnawing inside, a firm awareness of what he had done, whether or not he had succeeded.

He would have to find Xehanort to speak with him- likely, with someone else present, if only to reassure Xehanort that Ansem wasn't having third thoughts. Or...he sighed, on his way to the dining carriage, badly craving coffee with as much cream and sugar as he could possibly fit in to it. Once he'd had that...

Once he'd had that, he'd speak with Even, get a gauge of the situation, and then deal with the consequences of his actions. One could not avoid them, whether or not they were a king.

Oh you think you're getting COFFEE do you? (Answer: Probably.)

[wewillwewill]

There had been an announcement on the train's intercom. Elidibus recognized the name 'Even' and heard the undercurrent in the voice who made the request. It's little wonder that his thoughts are drawn to a certain supposition. And thus he decides to go see if he is correct in his assumption that a tipping point was reached in the matter of the young mortal Xehanort.

So he was near enough to the quiet carriage when doors were opened and any blocks, via the train's structure, in his ability to process the flow of aether were removed. Enough to confirm Xehanort seems to still live, though in a passive- sleeping?- state.

Elidibus does not linger overmuch. He has every reason and right to be here and unexpected but with a physical body, it does mean people see him. So maybe Ansem (and Even) will remember this man was quietly passing through in the opposite direction when the latter led the former to the sleeper cars for rest. Of course, they no doubt had other things on their mind.

Still, it might be something recollected when the selfsame man stands waiting inside the dining carriage. Somehow a few inches to the right of the door to allow the next person entering the room to technically pass by.

"Good afternoon. May we have words?"

Except words are addressed to Ansem. Elidibus was absolutely not in the hall preceding the king's entry yet he seems possessed of the assurance that the next person who would walk through is the one he is here waiting to meet.

Elidibus may not be capable of traveling to other worlds currently or indeed outside the train confines. But his teleportation is perfectly serviceable within. Once he had discerned Ansem left his cabin and was certain it was not to return to the specific booth- indeed even if Xehanort and Even are still there- the Ascian had decided to approach the man in the dining carriage.

Before coffee.

[darknessinzero]

"Hm?"

He doesn't startle, as he had when Even had earlier arrived, but he does look sharply towards the voice as his steps slow. A man he doesn't recognize- he blinks once, and then tilts his head slightly.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

[wewillwewill]

"Yes," comes the calm answer. The man in question seems young in appearance. It would be lucky if he were in his mid-twenties by looks alone. Yet there is something about his gaze and calm regard which implies a patient and stillness you do not generally find in such youth.

"I believe we have a mutual acquaintance. We met on the last platform and spoke of our shared circumstances as new passengers. Xehanort is his name."

It's clear he knows Ansem is someone who will know the name very well. He may well be watching for a reaction, though his manner and tone remain polite.

"I would like to learn more of his comrades."

Utterly polite.

[darknessinzero]

While Ansem is hardly as composed as he normally is, he is familiar with veiling his thoughts as need be. For all Radiant Garden was a virtual utopia, there were still politics, and a King could hardly wear his thoughts on his sleeve. So, while his brow does arch, there is only so much of a reaction, otherwise.

Indeed, the politeness reminds him of politics. He is not certain whether that is a good or bad thing.

"He is- my Apprentice, yes," Ansem confirms, with only the barest of hesitations. "I am Ansem, though I am assuming you knew such- and you are...?" There's a slight tilt of his head, tone mild...if weary.

[wewillwewill]

"Ah, yes. The King," the man acknowledges. There is a hint he had names but may not have yet tied them to an identity. Perhaps this is intentional; the Ascian had plenty of time while waiting for Ansem to emerge or even before to compare faces to names on the roster.

There was no disparagement of his title in stating it. Only confirmation.

"I am Elidibus. Though I am not of your world, I have taken a small interest in learning more of it and yourself. Will you indulge me?"

In political speak translated, it's probably evident this is not going to be a wonderful conversation. Whether it's good or bad remains to be seen still.

Another time warp GDI Nomura

[thawed_pride]

To say Even is tired would be...an understatement. He is, frankly, exhausted...and yet, sleep holds no appeal. He's prone to nightmares at the best of times, and this is far from the best of times. After such a stressful day, he's not inclined to sleep until he has no choice.

He's not really sure where he's going, as he walks the length of the train, well after most reasonable people are in bed. He's too tired to trust himself at work, too antsy to sit and read. Really, he's just walking because it beats sitting alone with his racing thoughts, and he's not about to bother anyone else at this hour. Or so he thinks, until he comes across a familiar someone in the rock garden, also wide awake.

"Had enough sleep for the day, my lord?"

JUST HOW MANY THREADS CAN WE THROW ON THIS ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[darknessinzero]

Thoughts are running through his head - too many to count. Xehanort. Even. Elidibus. Radiant Garden- so rather than try what he knows is a vain attempt at sleep, Ansem has found his way towards one of his favorite places on the train to sit and reflect, as surely as voidspace reflects off the water itself. His eyes are closed, and while he looks as though he is meditating, there is a slight frown to his features before he turns his head towards Even.

"You might say that," he admits. And, shortly after- "Even- has a man named Elidibus approached you, yet?"

May as well see if his Apprentice has been interrogated as well.

[thawed_pride]

He tilts his head lightly, regarding his king's expression more than anything. It's been a rough day for both of them, and he can't help but wonder what's going through Ansem's mind...or rather, his heart. After a moment, however, he simply shakes his head.

"Not as of yet. I have been largely occupied with pre-empting Ken's tendency toward rash acts of retribution, and explaining our decisions to Xehanort."

[darknessinzero]

"Be wary. He has something of an idea of what has happened, today."

The serenity has turned grim, and underneath that? Weariness. But, warning given, he turns back to the water and lets out a heavy breath. His eyes, which have opened, are unfocused in thought as he gazes back towards the water and its colors.

"And what a day it has been, indeed...but I am glad you have spoken with Ken." A beat. "And with Xehanort. How is he...?"

[thawed_pride]

He moves to sit next to Ansem, cross legged and back slouched. He knows it's bad posture, but a lifetime of bending over keyboards and various project tables have left his back less than inclined to relax straight.

"Physically, no worse for the wear...although, he was suffering one of his headaches when I left him to his thoughts. I believe I may have identified the cause of them, but there is little I can do for it. Emotionally..."

He hesitates for a moment, then sighs and shakes his head heavily.

"He is understandably distraught by the notion that people he once trusted now have images of him tainted by actions he has not yet taken, and indeed cannot understand the motive behind that would drive him to betray his home."

[darknessinzero]

There is no comment on the posture. In a sense, it is reassuring; it is Even. Familiar. Stable. Perhaps not as grounding as Aeleus himself, but Aeleus is not here. And Ansem is finding himself...perhaps more comfortable with Even than he had before the banishment.

There is a new understanding between them, he thinks. One that came further in to light when Even answered his call, and offered only swift action - then reassurance. And here, at least, he is being given truth, even if it is not reassuring, but he nods.

"I had not been certain if it was a lack of understanding or lack of ability to understand," he admits after a moment. "And if that was a warning sign or not. All I knew was that if I could spare others the pain I had experienced, my Kingdom, my Apprentices, entire worlds..."

He looks down at his hand, slowly flexing his fingers.

"...he agreed, Even." Once more, wonder. "And then he tried to shield me. I must make things right between us, even if all I can do is accept his own judgement that I am no longer fit to be his Master."

Things would never be the same - he knew this. But- he could at least help pick up the pieces of his no-doubt shattered image that dwelled within Xehanort's mind, and offer them back to rearrange as the man saw fit.