What you really want

[averyusefultray]

Who: Hera Syndulla and OPEN
Where: Rock Garden, Laundry Room
When: Llama 27
What: Trying to process revelations from the test of heart
Warnings:


Hera had come through the actual mission with relatively few problems. So why was the much lower stakes stop managing to get under her skin like this?

The trial of heart was supposed to make it hard to walk away, not make her question why that was what it manufactured as a desire. But it would have been pointless for its purpose if there wasn't some truth to it...

Of course, the one person it would be truly useful to talk this over with isn't on the train. So she's going to have to work it out on her own.

The first thought on what would Kanan do is to spend some time meditating since she'd spent time learning it. THe results are... mixed and sometimes she has to just let herself think.

She can't help trying to fall back on the old standby of keeping herself too busy to think about it. Unfortunately with no access to maintain the engines or most other systems, she's got Purple's assigned chore at her disposal.

Laundry's not the best chore for a distraction but she's throwing herself into it all the same.

Comments

[schrodingersghost]

"Have you found anything like that?" Danny was probably one of the least emotionally sensitive people on the train, but even he could tell when someone was upset about something. "I've been mostly trying to find little things like this. Like the stars. Or putting together models of space stuff from back home."

[averyusefultray]

"The Empire's had us on the run for long enough that home's been people more than a place for a long time." Harder to find physical reminders like that. "Watching Madoka and Romeo's art day a few weeks ago helped."

Nothing's going to quite replace talking to Kanan right now though.

[schrodingersghost]

"The Empire? I'm guessing that's not a great form of government?"

Wild guess here.

[averyusefultray]

"To put it mildly. We've been fighting them for years now. I've learned here that it's not in vain, but there's years more of fighting to get through." Her voice goes from determination to sadness by the end. She's not afraid to fight, but why did the illusion cave show her things so incompatible with that?

[schrodingersghost]

"...I'm sorry." Danny had had a few brief experiences with fighting corrupt governments (and being hunted by corrupt government organizations), and promptly decided that the whole thing sucked. No wonder most ghosts didn't bother with a government.

"But you do know there's an end to it?"

[averyusefultray]

"Yeah." She smiles slightly at that. "I'd keep going even if I didn't know, but it's good to know. There's just a lot of unknown between here and there."

There's an end to the fighting, but that doesn't tell her who sees the end of it. And that's just the beginning of the reasons to not spend too long wanting anything specific for herself.

[schrodingersghost]

"Yeah... I have a friend who knows a few things about time. He says that time is like a parade. It has one thing after another that has to happen."

[averyusefultray]

"I've heard stories about what happens when people think they know exactly what's going to happen in the future. It never ends well." She's sure Kanan would understand why she hasn't asked if they both live to see that future. "I've tried not to worry about the smaller scale things beyond what I can do in the moment."