( open ) i am so high, i can hear heaven

[jingyeets]

Who: Lan Jingyi (jingyeets) & ( OPEN )
Where: Quiet Carriage; Garden Carriage; elsewhere in train carriages.
When: Merriment 16 to Merriment 21!
What: Arm wrestling; drunken/tipsy wanderings; memorial construction w/calligraphy/painting; etc.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption! Relationship discussions, including potential mentions of gay panic, depending. Will warn as applicable.

ready to rumble (closed to dennis)

Time on the train is a construct even more apparent than the time otherwise passing on worlds, when they're on worlds. He's only seen three platforms and two worlds, but there likely is another coming, and that's something nice to look forward to, assuming he gets to fly. He'd love to fly, he aches for it, having been minimal in application in the illusion world, and always caught and constrained on platform.

Anyway, that was for another day, and for tonight, he has other plans, involving Dennis, the unmarked bottle of alcohol he's ordered, and the two sauce sized ramekins. When he does manage to track Dennis down, he quirks up his brow, holds up both bottle and ramekins (go with him here, the teacups won't work right and no one has proper drinking bowls or cups in his opinion, and there's only so much alcohol in the bottle anyway). "Ready?"

For the talk they need to have, for the arm wrestling already promised, and for tiny, tiny shots of the best alcohol Jingyi could possibly have ordered from back home. A wine, technically... but don't be fooled. It's hard liquor.

arm wrestling and other shenanigans (ota, merriment 16)

Tipsy, Jingyi eases open the quiet car door, and makes a surprisingly upright drift throughout the train, made more chaotic by use of the transgates. For the most part, in human form, he can be found:

in the standard carriage, challenging anyone who feels like it to arm wrestling at the chairs facing each other over a fold down table where he will lose for any younger Voidtrecker who takes him up on it, and most the rest depending;

to the spa carriage where, after prodding at the ICP, he finds the tutorial video for massages and tries to nab a buddy for him to learn on (yes, while clearly inebriated, but don't worry, it'll be fine), after which he'll think going into the pool is the best idea. Which is the last time he'll be in clothing, after making sure no one around is... around, or asking them if they care; sometime in soaking in the hot water he decides he wants to swim, and ends up dragon, the fox-sized form he takes on capable of swimming sinuously through.

At some point he drags himself out and beelines in the air, bouncing himself off walls, ceilings, just about anything, aiming for an eventual stop in the Garden carriage, hoping to swim in the lotus pool there. He's hot.

memorial construction (merriment 16-merriment 21)

Starting from Merriment 16 onward, Jingyi can be found working on using spiritual energy to carve words into a stone in the garden; or sitting and using a bench to work on calligraphy of an odd alphabet that looks pointedly like something untranslated, shown on his SCA. He's using a calligraphy brush and black ink on paper to make sure he has the form right.

Only after he's finished perfecting that does he return to the stone, taking time in the days after to channel spiritual energy through his calligraphy brush to "carve" those letters into its face. He's taking quite a lot of time, because this is not the ideal way to do this (as far as he knows), and the concentration it takes is enough he gets through a few letters then stands up to walk around and be physically active, before returning to his work.

The day he finishes, he brings the censer he ordered and sets the first incense alight. To those who recognise the scent, it's clearly sandalwood based. Pressing his hands together before him, he says, "May you find what it is you're looking for."

On the stone, now automatically translated for all to read, it says:

'What is past I cannot reach again, and what is to come I cannot keep.
The candle has a heart—it too hates parting. In our place, it sheds a tear at dawn.
Dedicated to the Missing and the Lost.
You are remembered.'

wildcard

Hit me up OOC for a starter, or tag in anywhere on train with your own! Roommates, feel free to hit him up for shenanigans.

Comments

[jingyeets]

Jingyi breathes out in a huff, smile half assed but trailing not so long after the exhalation. "Finest warm air dragon tea served on the Express." He sits, settling the tray (meant for food, sure, but it's not like they can't be used for this) across his knees, the makeshift pot of tea really two bowls, one over the top to keep the heat in. The smaller mugs aren't pretty enough for his tastes, but it's the crockery they have here, and it works. Being pickier than that was not resigning himself to using the tea maker in the dining carriage.

He takes a moment to set the top bowl aside, pouring Inigo's mug worth of tea with careful precision. He's not a water dragon, but what affiliation he has with air can make sure things pour better than otherwise, and so the tea goes into the mug instead of anywhere else. He repeats the same for himself before setting the bowl down and settling the empty bowl back over the top, keeping what remains warm. Handing the one mug to Inigo, he nods.

"For you. Hope you don't mind the black tea." Once accepted, he moves the tray to his other side and the narrower section of bench still available before picking up his own mug. Ready and at attention.

[flatteries]

"Thanks," Inigo mumbles when he's given the mug after watching Jingyi pour it like that. Inigo may prefer his tea with sugar, but you know, he's not going to complain about it when Jingyi seems to be taking care of it so well. And for the talk they are about to have--

Well, perhaps black tea is better.

Inigo mostly holds his mug between his hands right now anyway, trying to get some courage and strength from its warmth as he starts to speak.

"Honestly, the story starts and ends with dragons." He pauses for a moment, before adding: "Ironically enough."

You know, considering Jingyi is just about the only - or close to the only - person on the train who gets that Dragons Are A Big Deal in the first place, rather than them just being imaginary creatures of legend.

"A thousand years ago, a terrible enormous dragon tried to destroy my world. That dragon was called Grima, the Fell Dragon. The only thing that prevented Grima from carrying out its desire was Naga, the Divine Dragon. She lended a human her power, and that human used that power to be able to seal Grima away. Because of that, we have worshipped Naga as our god ever since, and we have dedicated our kingdom to her. That first human to have a bond with her, the one she lent her powers to, became the first Exalt, the holy ruler of our halidom."

So far, so good. But Inigo lets out a deep sigh, staring at the surface of the black tea in his mug.

"But it didn't last. Grima was gone, but not forever destroyed. Only temporarily sealed. Which meant that a thousand years later, in my time, Grima managed to break free from the seal to attempt to destroy the world once more."

[jingyeets]

Jingyi smiles, or half smiles, not saying anything. He sits with his own mug cradled in his hands, studying Inigo, waiting. He's trying to learn more of the tells of the friends he's making on train, but right now, it's less about that, more about being an active listener.

Which means he'll also look away, if Inigo doesn't seem to want the direct attention. If he notices, and sometimes he does.

Dragons as Divinities, in the greater sense than anything he is. His tailtip twitches, thoughtful, listening to Inigo speak, as he looks down into his black tea. Grima, the terrible, Naga, the saviour. Sealing away one great cause of damage, and having it deteriorate over time, until they were freed once more.

"That's horrifying. What's kept Grima from succeeding so far?"

The death, the destruction, that's all happening. Grima's attempts weren't without massive casualties, not if Inigo describes them all as near last members of their respective species. He looks as solemn as he feels, chest aching, but not reluctant in the learning. His tail curls around to drape next to Inigo's far side, pressing against his leg. Benefits to having prehensile limbs: more creative ways to lend comfort while hands were full.

[flatteries]

"We were," Inigo says, slowly breathing out over his mug of tea.

He's not sure if it feels right or fair to say that - after all, they were just stalling the inevitable. It's not really like they had been helping anything in the end. Just how many times had Inigo come to face the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't save anyone in the end?

He knows this isn't about pitying himself though. It's about being open and honest with someone he definitely considers a friend, so he just tries to push on.

"We tried to hold on. There were still so few people alive, but my friends and I-- we took up arms to try and protect them. We traveled around and fought all day, trying to protect whatever or whoever we could find, but Grima was always too strong."

Inigo finally sips his tea.

"So we did the only thing we could do. We called upon Naga, but she told us that even she was not strong enough to stop Grima, now that dragon had reappeared and was more powerful than ever. She helped us realise the only solution was to keep Grima from reawakening in the first place, so Naga used her power to send our little group into the past, back to when our parents were younger, to try and help them to prevent Grima's awakening."

It's then that he properly pauses - and when he notices that tail that has snuck its way around him. He knows it's a comforting gesture on Jingyi's part, and it makes him actually look over at the other guy, though the tiny smile on Inigo's face is sort of sad.

"But it meant giving up everything. After all, if we prevented Grima from awakening, the future would change. The future my friend and I belonged to would be erased, leaving all of us in a past that no longer had a place for us."

[jingyeets]

It's a heavy resolution to look to, and he can't imagine anything with traveling through time being less heavy. Not if they're sent back to prevent the unraveling that tempered them all; not even if saves the world they loved.

Though he doesn't think, in making that decision, anyone can truly decide it was better to let the world perish. Losing that version of yourself, being stranded in a world that didn't have a place for you—or at least not the purpose you knew from before.

"They were all the missing," he says after a moment, tea cradled between his hands. "And you and your friends are the lost." From a lost future, and while that loss might not be mourned, it was making a part of everything they'd done be lost to the shifted timeline.

Undoing them, in a sense.

"Was it going to prevent you from existing in the first place?" He's been studying Inigo's face the whole time, and doesn't turn away from that now. Curls his tail a little tighter, because like hell he knows what to say. It's why enough of what he says comes out too direct, even when he's attempting to temper it. "Were you all being left to carve another life, no one but your parents understanding what you'd already sacrificed?"

[flatteries]

Apparently the answer to that question is a little more complicated. It was something Inigo himself hadn't really thought about either until they arrived in the past and saw the consequences of their actions.

"We're going to exist.. but it won't be us, you know?" He looks at Jingyi as he says it, but then realises it sounds kind of complicated, so Inigo quickly shakes his head and tries again. Speaking slowly, as if it's weird for him to think about, or hard to explain.

Or maybe both.

"My mother already had my big sister. So right now, in that past.. My older sister is by my side, just as I have always known her, but there is also a baby who looks just like her. So it means that there are going to be different.. different 'versions' of us, I suppose. Versions of us who will grow up better than we ever had."

Because they'll have their parents. Because they didn't have to spend their years doing nothing but fighting, while technically being way too young to do so.

But despite how depressing that thought might be, Inigo still smiles. It's sadly, but it's like he refuses to drop that smile - maybe exactly because it feels like Jingyi is trying to comfort and encourage him. He doesn't want to drag the other down into sadness.

[jingyeets]

Jingyi doesn't smile back, but he does wrap his tail a little tighter. He isn't good at smiles that he doesn't mean; his reassurances are in other ways.

"Your life prepared you for parts of this train in whole strange ways. Where you meet the people you could have been, if things had gone differently."

If they grew up in peace, instead of war. If they'd been part of a world that wasn't dying under a tyrannical dragon's claws. It's such a deeply distasteful reality, he can't help but frown, unhappy at his core. It's so irresponsible. To have power like that, and turn it toward destruction alone; not the kind that allows the world to bloom more healthily in the aftermath. Just carnage, for carnage's sake. Destruction for the sake of destroying.

"I'm sorry your world was driven to where it was. Changing the world that your other self is going to grow up in... doesn't make the one you knew less real. You were willing to do this thing that was taking everything you'd defended away from you, erasing all signs of it from the lives of the people who came before you, for the sake of keeping the whole from ending. That's one of the bravest things I've ever heard of anyone doing."

Brave does not mean happy. He'd say heroic, but that's nuanced and sad in and of itself; heroes die. He looks to Inigo, hands tight around his mug. Softer, and serious.

"I hope the people of the world you saved know how to thank you for letting them have a chance at the world you didn't get to grow up in. Also, I kind of wish I could punch Grima in the face back on your world." The dying world, suffocated under his grasping talons and maw.

[flatteries]

Inigo already knows. That no one will know what they have done. That they're ready to sneak away once everything is over, fading into the shadows forever, trying to find out how to make a life for themselves in a world where they can't even be themselves anymore.

He doesn't bring it up. That part is too sad. Instead he just keeps that wry smile on his face and says: "You might have to get in line for that one."

The Grima punching, he means. They'd sure all love to do that.

".. It's fine though. I don't care what happens to me." He's already had to give up that idea a long time ago, or he would never have survived in that future. "As long as it makes a better world for my mother and father.. then I'm already glad. I just feel bad that I can't be there with them right now to help."

[jingyeets]

"Some lines are worth it." There are a few he could name back home, if it'd been feasible.

Jingyi's tail tightens again, because that's just how it goes, when he's cupping tea and doesn't have some great way of reassuring anyone anyway. He can't know this specific situation, aside from the extrapolation the train allows him, in ways his brain would have balked at before.

"If you won't care, then your friends will. Your sister too, right? We can care what happens to you so you can keep caring about anyone else. It's a good thing, making that better world for your parents and eventual younger-twin-you."

Which is important, as is the feeling of guilt for not being there right now. Probably being missing, as far as Jingyi can tell, but that could be done backward if they figure out some means of traveling time the same way they travel the Void. It's too much of a future thought for him to worry too hard on, because they're all in that situation, one way or another. Displaced in time and reality.

"Just... that's your world, too, in the end. I hope you find a place for yourself in it that lets you be happy. Whatever happy means to you by then."

[flatteries]

He opens his mouth.

And then closes it again.

It's not, though, he wants to say, but he's figured by now that it's an uphill climb whenever he tries to convey it to someone. It's no longer his world. It's going to belong to a different Inigo, and he..

.. well, he'll belong nowhere.

Inigo shakes his head though. It's enough sharing of sadness, and mostly enough sharing of hopelessness. He doesn't want to think about his own potentially hopeless future, and he glances over at Jingyi, removing one hand from his mug of tea to gesture at the half-finished memorial.

"A-- Anyway.. it's why I can understand the pain of these lost worlds so well. Knowing all those people there died.. It just feels a little too close for comfort." Since it's so close to what his own future was like. "It's why I'm having a hard time putting them out of my head."

And that lead to this - Inigo talking about it with Jingyi, getting this idea of the memorial started in the first place.

[jingyeets]

It's enough of a silence and moment before he shakes his head that Jingyi sighs, setting his cup down in his lap proper. His hands come up, and he cups them together, twisting his torso enough to offer a seated bow to Inigo.

"I apologise for speaking on what I cannot know." It's not a thought exercise, and it's not something fixable. Not in any simple sense, though perhaps simplified, if one were to toss most braincells to the wind to not worry about it. Live like the birds, who were alive and eating and scrounging day to day, or gone.

His hands lower, and he lets his shoulders drop, looking back toward the memorial he's been working on. "I don't think it's something that should be easy... and you've more reason for it to have meaning than most."

He picks up his tea again, taking a long sip, eyes briefly closing. In memory, immortality. In the end, all they left behind were their stories, for as long as those stories had a place in the worlds.

[flatteries]

"Don't apologize to me." It comes out of his mouth quickly. Not harshly, though. Inigo doesn't seem angry or annoyed - there's still that little sad smile on his face, after all. It's more just that-- "There's no need to."

Inigo doesn't expect anyone to be able to grasp his full situation. It doesn't matter though.

"If anything, I'd rather have people not know. So they won't have to feel sad while thinking about me, or so they won't have to worry about me."

It's why he often keeps this story to himself. Most of the people on the train don't even know this about him - even the people he's known for a long time. There's only been a few who got all of this, and usually just because Inigo had no way to weasel himself out of telling them.

He sips his tea, before returning to holding the mug with both hands.

"I just didn't want to lie to you either." Hence why he just told Jingyi all of this in the end.

[jingyeets]

"If I'm speaking on things I cannot know, and I trespass, then the apologies are needed. You don't have to accept them," he says, easy in the speaking. "But they're owed from me, either way."

He ends up lifting his eyebrows and then looking ceilingward, sighing after a moment. Sighing out for a long moment, setting his tea back in his lap. It lets him loop an arm over Inigo's shoulders, tugging him in gently because of the tea he's also holding, after that sip.

"Thank you for not lying. I appreciate it. Lies are annoying, even when they're socially polite."

He knows there's a worth, he just doesn't believe in it anymore than his clan espouses. (His clan, peak at lying by omission and redirection, on the other hand. A skill Jingyi is not the best at because he tends to let everything out that he can.)

"Inigo? Friends worry about each other. That's normal for me at least, maybe it's not for everyone." He doesn't know, and he's tired of trying to guess. "But if you're worried about me thinking of you and going, oh no, Inigo is a sad person to think about, nah. It's sad what you've had to deal with and live with, yeah, and even here, you've got a lot weighing on your heart. So? You are not sad to me. You're a survivor, for better and worse, and someone I respect. You're worth worrying about for the things we deal with here. Including the reminders."

A jerk of his chin toward the unfinished monument, the words half carved into stone.

[flatteries]

See, this is exactly why he didn't bother to try and avoid the topic around the other - exactly because Inigo just knew Jingyi would say something along the lines of 'lies are annoying.' It seems like such a Jingyi thing to say.

But rather than remark anything about that, Inigo just focuses on the way he's pulled in. Cue him carefully trying to angle his mug in such a way that it won't spill, even as he leans into the sideways hug, leaning his head on the other guy's shoulder. (Sure, putting the mug down like Jingyi did would be easier, but that implies Inigo has more than two braincells to rub together about this matter.)

".. I guess nothing could really get you down in the first place, huh, Jingyi." He seems strong like that. Maybe that's exactly why it's easier for him to think of Inigo's situation and not feel down in the dumps over it. To not fuss about it so much. "I mean.. yes, worrying is normal for everyone."

Even if some people might do it more (Inigo) and some people (Jing.. yi..?? Though Inigo is sure the guy's got his own worries) might do it less. Or have better coping mechanisms, who knows.

"But I don't want to be the drop of water that's going to make someone's worry bucket overflow. There are so many people here on the train who already handle so much."

[jingyeets]

There are benefits to seeming cut and dry and definitely being more direct than most. Probably? Is this a benefit, or more of a side effect or consideration of collateral damage...

He snorts, but half-smiles, jostling Inigo a little while aware of his balancing act with the tea. Too easy to send it jostling and spilling over one or the both of them, and then he'd probably end up upending the rest of his tea into his own lap.

"Of course some things can, they just haven't so far." He won't let himself spend time worrying overlong about what he can do nothing about, and sadly, that's so much of everything here it's overwhelming in a whole other way. He sighs, tightening his arm and tail around Inigo's side. "I get it, I do. As long as you don't just lock all of it away or whatever, afraid of being too much for friends who care about you. Shared burdens are lighter ones, so... thank you for sharing."

we can probably wrap it here?

[flatteries]

There's a lot of things Inigo could say here, but a lot of it feels like excuses, even though they're really just explanations. Isn't the bottom line that he's trying? That he's at least a little bit better than he used to be, back home?

He releases a breath rather than any of those words, and he smiles a little bit, still leaning against Jingyi - rather enjoying how curled up they are right now, thanks to the other's clever tail usage.

"And thank you for listening."

aaand wraps it with a bow!

[jingyeets]

Jingyi makes a noise of acknowledgement, and lets his chin rest on the top of Inigo's head.

"You're welcome, anytime." And with a soft snort, only soft because he's not trying to be loud and isn't caught off guard, "Even if I won't always get things at first, I do when you explain. So, yeah. Shared burdens, like friends do."

Even when things aren't always about the world ending heavy stuff, sometimes? Sometimes they are, and that's okay too.