We're trying so hard to get it all right

[shadowcourage]

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.

Comments

[shadowcourage]

"Clef." Flat, demanding. Pointed.

[guru_clef]

"What?" he asked, trying to figure out what exactly Shadow was asking. He was frustrated and confused and still.... a little mentally foggy. He hasn't been sleeping well...

[shadowcourage]

"Answer the question."

[guru_clef]

"Link is already hurt and angry! I do not want to make it worse by potentially accidentally misrepresenting his feelings and thoughts!" He's really trying to do what he thinks is right here, he's trying t do right by Link he's just... missing what Shadow is trying to do.

[shadowcourage]

"Link would know what I'm trying to do. If ya don't want to talk, I can just leave," Shadow said coldly.

[guru_clef]

"Link might, but apparently I don't! Because what you seem to be asking would make things worse, and I know that isn't what you want! f course I want to talk to you, Shadow, but I am afraid of making this whole thing WORSE!"

[shadowcourage]

Shadow stops and finally looks back at Clef for the first time since he approached him.

His gaze is cold, just a simmer of anger, bit mostly detached. "Ya never paid attention for a moment, did ya? I can't believe I actually started to believe ya."

"Follow." He orders and turns back to walk into the training carriage.

[guru_clef]

"Of course I paid attention! To you, to Link, to Zelda. To Nita then and when she was here. To Connie... But that doesn't mean I can read your minds! I love you Shadow, like to hear that or not, it is true. That does not mean I magically understand why you're trying to ask me questions you should be asking Link! You'd both be furious with me if I tried to speak on his behalf about his feelings as if I somehow understood them more than he does!"

[shadowcourage]

"Ya don't love me. Ya proven that just now," Shadow said coldly.

"Either answer what I asked or shut up." He growls, moving to one end of the gym, before Bending up a large black curtain. "Go stand against the wall."

[guru_clef]

"Of course I love you! Why do you and Link both seem to believe that you can control or decide my feelings?!" he snapped, struggling to keep his temper, but he was failing, his bubble wobbling more and more.

[shadowcourage]

Shadow floats up to hang the curtain on one end of the ceiling, floating to the other to give them some privacy.

"If ya say ya love me one more time, I will draw blood," Shadow said, glancing back with red eyes.

[guru_clef]

"I don't think you would hurt me, Shadow," he said seriously. In fact, he lowered himself to the ground and dropped his shield. He still had his armor - and it was lucky he did given how easily he could have lost it on that other world! - but no one from Naut seemed to take it seriously, and disrobing would just be awkward. Hopefully dropping the shield was enough to make his point. If Shadow wanted him to remover his armor too, to prove his trust he would.

"No more than the equivalent of than a cuff or bonk upside the head. You and Link both seem to have less faith in your self control than I do. I trust you, Shadow. You're proven over and over again that I can trust you. I am, as far as I know, in my own mind. I am not a danger to you or Link or Zelda or the train. No matter how upset or hurt you are, I trust you. I have no fear of you hurting me."

[shadowcourage]

That actually got a snarl from Shadow. "Link has the exact amount of trust he should have in my self control. Do not insult him," he snapped. "Just 'cause yer an idiot who doesn't pay attention doesn't mean ya should demean him. Especially when ya can't even answer my question."

He turned away, making more fabric and drawing it over the light, mixing shadow in with the light.

[guru_clef]

"Link thinks you would hurt me out of frustration and anger. I know you would not. I am not insulting or demeaning him. Or you. And your question seems to be asking me to talk for Link. Which you seem to be made at me RIGHT NOW for doing!"

[shadowcourage]

"I repeat. Link has the right amount of trust in me," Shadow said. "And yer the one who hasn't paid attention in years. Don't drag someone else down because yer incapable of learning," he said, landing on the ground and starting to bend up weapons around the area, leaving them in dummies, on the ground, behind equipment. From daggers to swords to axes.

[guru_clef]

"I am not incapable of learning!" he snapped, stung.

[shadowcourage]

"Prove it. Link wants to be sure ya can actually be depended upon if he has to if yer both in a fight," Shadow said. "I'm to put ya through the ringer."

Which is a lie, but then, he had his point to make, stopping with his back turned to Clef, across the field.

"So shut up and give me a minute to calm down so I don't just eviscerate ya. We're done talking."

[guru_clef]

"What do you mean we're done talking? Prove it how? Shadow, you're not making any sense!"

[shadowcourage]

Shadow sighs and shakes his head, still not facing him, breathing deep, letting it out, as if trying to calm himself.

His foot shifts, onto a shadow and he feels it. The connection toClef's own. And Shadow....is mad. Hurt. Frustrated. He wants to throttle Clef and make him approach a problem at all differently.

Shadow is willing to be cruel to make it happen.

It starts subtly.

Why won't he listen? Its been so long since I've seen him and he won't give me chance! Even Link is angry, when it should be a joyous occasion that we have him back.

Wait.

Isn't that timing....suspect? Is Shadow....really here?

Thoughts that sound very much like Clef's own voice.

The best way to learn to resist mind control was to fight it. Shadow wanted to see how hard it was for Clef with unideal circumstance.

[guru_clef]

The first words confused him. What did Shadow say? But he looked and Shadow... didn't seem to be talking. Wait, no, what? And then his own voice but... that wasn't his thought. Well, wasn't now.

It had been, when they snapped him out. But he knew how the train worked. And they were on the train now... weren't they?

What.... what was going on here? His head started to hurt, and he shook it trying to clear it. "Something is wrong, Shadow. We need to go, see if it is just here or the whole train, we need to figure this out, whatever it is, and stop it..."

[shadowcourage]

"Clef, yet not making it easy to calm down. Nothing is wrong," Shadow said, annoyance clear in his voice.

What are the chances, that the moment Link saw through a fake paradise, Shadow was really there? A Shadow who led Link away from him before he could be freed. Who kept him away so long?

The thoughts were getting louder. More confident and certain. They sound so real.

Was it to buy time? To construct another illusion, another version of the train where the entity caused strife to keep them divided, from working together? Causing personal drama and pain. A distraction!

[guru_clef]

He crumpled, hands on his head. It all made sense. It did. All of it. Except the train... why would it care enough to...

Except it had made the while city.

Maybe it didn't take extra effort to...

Was Shadow only here because of how desperately he and Link wanted him there? Was he being a fool yet again? No matter what Shadow thought, Clef did love him. Had for ages now, was that love what was making Clef think he was actually here? Because he wanted him to be?

But... if it was just wanting them to be there, wouldn't the princess be there too?

Or... Or did Link and Shadow and Zelda now matter to him more than even home did?

Or.. Wait.. WAIT! Zelda...

He wanted Zelda to remember him as desperately as he wanted Shadow to be here and remembering him. The three of them from Hyrule made his new family, if this was an illusion giving him what he wanted...

"Zelda.. we have to find Zelda," he gasped. If Zelda remembered Naut, then this was all a trap. Because she really was on the train, but wasn't the same, or was the same but without the memories... Zelda. He had to find Zelda, then he'd know for sure. Logic and love together... he... he could do this.

Somehow.

Even if he knew that he would break again if this Shadow was proven false.

So would Link.

Was it better to just pretend? To go with the Sto... no.

No. He needed to know what reality was. How could he ever trust anything if he knowingly accepted a lie like that, no matter how much he wished it to be true...

[shadowcourage]

"Zelda? Zelda's here?" He asked, looking back with some interest.

Would Zelda be safe around an impostor?

[guru_clef]

"So...sort of. She doesn't remember Naut. At all. Didn't remember me..."

His head was splitting as he tried to shove that doubt aside. Of course Zelda would be safe. He would keep her safe, Link would keep her safe, the others on the train would keep her safe. Plus she was good at defending herself, even without Bending. And if this was a fake.... He hadn't been attacked yet, no reason to think she would be. Zelda would be safe. And then... then they'd know...

He wanted Shadow to be really here. Desperatly.

But wasn't that exactly why he had to doubt?

[shadowcourage]

"Is there a reason she should?" Shadow asked.

But can I keep them safe? I wasn't able to before, because I hesitated, because I thought Link was with Shadow, and I left him alone on the planet.