We're trying so hard to get it all right

[shadowcourage]

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.

Comments

[guru_clef]

Clef had tried going back to the library after he and Link had what had been nearly as much argument as it was conversation. He succeeded in that he was there. He failed in that he had no focus, whatsoever. Which rarely happened to him in the presence of books. Instead of his usual ring of three, he had one book floating before him, and he hadn't turned the page in over an hour. Instead his forehead was resting lightly against it, his eyes closed. He went over everything in his head over and over again, unsure how he could have made things better, could he redo them.

But there was no amount of deep despair, especially given the cause, that could have stopped him from hearing that voice. His head snapped up and his book vanished into his staff. "Shadow..." he whispered.

It wasn't that he thought Link was lying to him. He knew his boy wouldn't do that. But still, to see Shadow again, to know his presence here for a fact emotionally and through direct experience rather than second hand... it was powerful.

It didn't even occour to Clef to argue, and had it, he still wouldn't have. He only managed to cast his shield around himself because it was second nature by now, and as natural to him as walking. Perhaps more so.

As soon as he was ensconced in his bubble, he followed, still emotionally reeling. He needed to speak he needed to say... something.

But for perhaps the first time in his nearly eight centuries.. all of his words seemed thin and inadequate. What could he say that would matter to Shadow? That Shadow would believe? Given his talk with Link, he was almost afraid to say anything at all.

But by Ceiphro how he wanted to open his shield and hug Shadow.

But he knew it would not be welcome. That was all that kept him from trying. That Shadow might be more hurt by the affection than welcoming of it. Just as Link hadn't wanted to be touched.

Something had broken between them. Badly. And he had no clue how to fix it.

[shadowcourage]

Shadow turned when it was clear Clef would follow, moving through the cars as he headed for the training gym.

"Tell me how yer talk with Link went," he said, voice calm and very carefully neutral.

[guru_clef]

"Not well at all," he said, softly. "I suspect you know that already, though."

[shadowcourage]

"I wouldn't have asked fir a simple answer then, would I?" He asjed.

[guru_clef]

He wasn't so sure of that himself. "I... am glad you and I will be able to talk," he said, softly.

[shadowcourage]

"On topic, Clef. Yer interpretation of the talk?" Shadow said instead.

[guru_clef]

"Link and I both said how we felt, argued a lot in seeming circles, constantly wandered on and off topic and..." and in the end, Link had rejected him. Again.

He looked down as he floated, shield bobbing lightly like it was a boat on the water because his focus was that little on his basic spells.

He swallowed hard. "We are both very hurt," he said softly. "And Link said that you are as well. And I do not know how to fix any of it."

[shadowcourage]

"And how is Link hurt?" Shadow asked. Because in the end, Link mattered more. His issues were separate.

[guru_clef]

"Didn't you already speak to Link? I think he'll be further upset if I tried to speak for him!" he said, startled.

Earlier

[sevenyearsasleep]

Link figured he should fill Shadow in on the fact that Clef had finally reached out to him.

…and that it hadn’t gone well.

“So, he…uh…came to me. We talked. I almost wish we hadn’t.”

Re: Earlier

[shadowcourage]

Well then.

"I wish I could say I was surprised." He sighed and he's gonna come over and pull him into a hug.

Because its still obvious he's affection starved and its an easy comfort to give.

Re: Earlier

[sevenyearsasleep]

Link huffed a somewhat sad laugh, but returned the hug. Affection starved was a very fair assessment. He was terrible at being able to ask for affection, and tended to take hesitation as rejection.

"It's just...yeah. Apparently, he thinks I'm willing to help every single person in the universe except for him...."

Re: Earlier

[shadowcourage]

"....seriously?" Shadow said, voice flat.

Because really now.

Re: Earlier

[sevenyearsasleep]

"He was mad because we left. I tried explaining everything, and he was still mad. He complained that he didn't know what happened to us, and okay, sure, I get that, but, how was I supposed to know that he'd lay down and quit? Who does that?"

It was hard to wrap his mind around.

Link took a deep breath. "And he was mad because I stopped calling him dad, there. And...that I should have stayed longer and tried harder to break him out sooner--he really doesn't understand. I'm not even sure I can manage to stay mad, he's so clueless....but, I can't tell him I love him and call him dad again either."

Re: Earlier

[shadowcourage]

"People who get feel like they have nothing to live for. I've done that." He is just saying. He knows how people can do that, having done it.

"He's always had control issues. Thoughts on how things should be. He doesn't know how to admit when he doesn't have it, how he could be wrong. And he's reacting in the worst way possible," Shadow said.

"Yer mad and yer hurt. Its hard to show affection when that happens. Just means ya need space to breathe and sort out how ya feel," he said. "Yer allowed and deserve that."

Re: Earlier

[sevenyearsasleep]

"I don't know what to do for him. I can't lie to him and tell him I'd do things differently a second time."

Link let out a long sigh. "It doesn't feel like I deserve it. But, at the same time, I can't be his father."

Re: Earlier

[shadowcourage]

"Link." Shadow pulls back enough to look in Link's eyes, hands going tonthe sides of his face. "If we had stayed, the chances got real high I was going to actually lash out at him and once that starts, I don't think I could stop unless ya made me stop and that woulda hurt ya and him and me."

"Ya made the right choice. Especially when I don't know if I could have even tried to leave on my own after that and be okay." He lowers his hands finally.

"And ya deserve to feel yer hurt. He has to recognize that ya can't always be the self sacrificing hero who doesn't suffer and so do ya."

INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

There is some arguing going on.

Dare you knock, Link?

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

Link had wondered where both Clef and Shadow had gone off too. He knew Shadow's plan, but, he didn't think it was going to take days.

Raised voices clued him in fairly quickly in his search. He knocked on the door briefly, but, in typical Link fashion, let himself in.

The Hero of Time looked at his brother and adoptive father, studying them quietly for a few seconds. There had been some sort of drama, that much he could tell right off the bat.

"Are you guys okay?" He finally asked.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

Clef had been about to reply to Shadow when he heard the knock. His head shot up and then when the door opened and Link let himself into the cabin a gibbering panic filled his mind.

He fought not to let it show on his face as he tried desperately to think of what he could say. What he should say.

How was he supposed to make any of this better when he still knew so little?!

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

Shadow's head snapped towards the door at the knock and opening and-

Well, that's not ideal.

"....not really, no, but I can deal with my own issues with him," Shadow said. Because, well, if he brings up the Link issues, Link will want to get involved and that wasn't fair to Link. And its not like a lot isn't his own issues.

As for the dying thing-

He will.

Need to think.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

Clef's reaction was a little unsettling, but, he nodded at Shadow's response.

"That's fair. I mean...as long as you're sure?" Link chewed his lip for a moment before giving them a half-smile. "Just a minor crisis?"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

Clef was still unsure what to say. He was pretty sure he was suppose to say... something...

Or...

Was that what Shadow was talking about, making things all about him? Maybe he shouldn't say anything and just let Link and Shadow talk?

Or was that just him not knowing what to say?

He wasn't sure. Why wasn't there a book on situations like this so he could study up and know what to do???

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"Depends on perspective. I'm being plain about the state of our relationship," Shadow said. "Haven't felt the urge to attack him, I know what to expect of him now."

He looks at Clef. "It's up to him to actually listen for once, but then again, I ain't his son so it isn't so important now that I know to expect it."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

"Honesty's important, and sometimes, bluntness is necessary," Link said, still concerned with Clef's silence. "And that is an improvement."

He sat down, deciding he was going to stay for a little while. At least until Clef stopped staring at him like a fish out of water.

"I was starting to get a little worried about you two." People did tend to vanish from his life, it wasn't entirely an unfounded concern. Although, that concern was now shifted towards Clef's reluctance towards speech.

"Clef, are you okay? You're not usually this quiet without a book stuck on your nose."