shadowcourage: (There's always a wall)
Shadow Link (older) ([personal profile] shadowcourage) wrote in [community profile] voidtreckerexpress2021-08-10 11:04 pm

We're trying so hard to get it all right

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.
guru_clef: (NO!)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-13 11:02 am (UTC)(link)
Clef had tried going back to the library after he and Link had what had been nearly as much argument as it was conversation. He succeeded in that he was there. He failed in that he had no focus, whatsoever. Which rarely happened to him in the presence of books. Instead of his usual ring of three, he had one book floating before him, and he hadn't turned the page in over an hour. Instead his forehead was resting lightly against it, his eyes closed. He went over everything in his head over and over again, unsure how he could have made things better, could he redo them.

But there was no amount of deep despair, especially given the cause, that could have stopped him from hearing that voice. His head snapped up and his book vanished into his staff. "Shadow..." he whispered.

It wasn't that he thought Link was lying to him. He knew his boy wouldn't do that. But still, to see Shadow again, to know his presence here for a fact emotionally and through direct experience rather than second hand... it was powerful.

It didn't even occour to Clef to argue, and had it, he still wouldn't have. He only managed to cast his shield around himself because it was second nature by now, and as natural to him as walking. Perhaps more so.

As soon as he was ensconced in his bubble, he followed, still emotionally reeling. He needed to speak he needed to say... something.

But for perhaps the first time in his nearly eight centuries.. all of his words seemed thin and inadequate. What could he say that would matter to Shadow? That Shadow would believe? Given his talk with Link, he was almost afraid to say anything at all.

But by Ceiphro how he wanted to open his shield and hug Shadow.

But he knew it would not be welcome. That was all that kept him from trying. That Shadow might be more hurt by the affection than welcoming of it. Just as Link hadn't wanted to be touched.

Something had broken between them. Badly. And he had no clue how to fix it.
sevenyearsasleep: (profile)

Earlier

[personal profile] sevenyearsasleep 2021-08-13 01:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Link figured he should fill Shadow in on the fact that Clef had finally reached out to him.

…and that it hadn’t gone well.

“So, he…uh…came to me. We talked. I almost wish we hadn’t.”
sevenyearsasleep: (bruised)

Re: Earlier

[personal profile] sevenyearsasleep 2021-08-13 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Link huffed a somewhat sad laugh, but returned the hug. Affection starved was a very fair assessment. He was terrible at being able to ask for affection, and tended to take hesitation as rejection.

"It's just...yeah. Apparently, he thinks I'm willing to help every single person in the universe except for him...."
sevenyearsasleep: (whenever you need me)

Re: Earlier

[personal profile] sevenyearsasleep 2021-08-13 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
"He was mad because we left. I tried explaining everything, and he was still mad. He complained that he didn't know what happened to us, and okay, sure, I get that, but, how was I supposed to know that he'd lay down and quit? Who does that?"

It was hard to wrap his mind around.

Link took a deep breath. "And he was mad because I stopped calling him dad, there. And...that I should have stayed longer and tried harder to break him out sooner--he really doesn't understand. I'm not even sure I can manage to stay mad, he's so clueless....but, I can't tell him I love him and call him dad again either."

sevenyearsasleep: (neutral)

Re: Earlier

[personal profile] sevenyearsasleep 2021-08-13 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't know what to do for him. I can't lie to him and tell him I'd do things differently a second time."

Link let out a long sigh. "It doesn't feel like I deserve it. But, at the same time, I can't be his father."
sevenyearsasleep: (fire warm)

Re: Earlier

[personal profile] sevenyearsasleep 2021-08-13 09:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Link chewed his lip. “I…I do know. That’s what I figured, and I tried to explain that to him. He didn’t believe it.”

He took a deep breath. “It’s, uh, a new one to get a negative critique from someone I’ve helped. Other than Ruto, but, I can’t really compare him to her.

I’m trying. To do better with my own feelings.”
sevenyearsasleep: (profile)

Re: Earlier

[personal profile] sevenyearsasleep 2021-08-13 10:53 pm (UTC)(link)
"He's really...incredibly egotistical." Link knew he wasn't perfect, not by a long stretch. He knew he could be impulsive and reckless and that his lack of self-care worried those who cared about him.

"I also think he's jealous." He shook his head. "Maybe that's the wrong word for it...but, I don't know. Feels like he is. Jealous that I helped you, jealous that I helped other people after we left..."

It was incredibly hard for Link to think about his own feelings. And having tried to discuss them with Clef and having that conversation implode, didn't make things any easier for him.

"I'm okay. I mean it. I'm hurt, but, I'm okay. I just need to do some thinking, y'know?"
guru_clef: (Upset)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-14 06:23 am (UTC)(link)
"Not well at all," he said, softly. "I suspect you know that already, though."
guru_clef: (Upset)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-14 09:35 am (UTC)(link)
He wasn't so sure of that himself. "I... am glad you and I will be able to talk," he said, softly.
guru_clef: (Upset)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-14 09:49 am (UTC)(link)
"Link and I both said how we felt, argued a lot in seeming circles, constantly wandered on and off topic and..." and in the end, Link had rejected him. Again.

He looked down as he floated, shield bobbing lightly like it was a boat on the water because his focus was that little on his basic spells.

He swallowed hard. "We are both very hurt," he said softly. "And Link said that you are as well. And I do not know how to fix any of it."
guru_clef: (NO!)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-14 09:53 am (UTC)(link)
"Didn't you already speak to Link? I think he'll be further upset if I tried to speak for him!" he said, startled.
guru_clef: (Upset)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-14 10:05 am (UTC)(link)
"Then... why are you asking? If not to understand?"
guru_clef: (Upset)

[personal profile] guru_clef 2021-08-14 10:08 am (UTC)(link)
"What?" he asked, trying to figure out what exactly Shadow was asking. He was frustrated and confused and still.... a little mentally foggy. He hasn't been sleeping well...

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