Catnapping - OTA

[death_from_above]

Who: Spark and whomever
Where: All around the train
When: After the mission, before the platform
What: Spark being introspective while trying to pretend he's still just... Spark
Warnings: Angst, possible violence mentions.


Spark often claimed that he slept through missions to explain why he was absent from them, so he was free to have Gar or Privateer Pirate show up. But this time he actually had slept. He'd been sleeping a lot since that world with the fake lives, that one that felt so much like a storm from Nautilus.

But he was....

Lonely. That was it. He was lonely.

He was more settled now than he had been after the fish world, but he was still barely eating and avoiding people. Or had been. He just...

He wished Adrien would show up here. Or The Doctor would know who he was. Rose. Nino. Connie. Nita. Kirika. Dominic. Greg. Donovan. Luna. He'd even take Jacob or Gabriel at this point, though each had their issues. Of course if he was bothering with wishing... Quilt.

He shook himself and walked through the train, looking for someone who needed a cat to snuggle with, or tell their problems to. Or a friendly face from Nautilus, since none from his real home or Paris were here...

Comments

[motherofresistance]

"I know," Leia said. "I know. And I know how much that hurts, believe me." She had so many people to miss. So many.

"We can't request for them to come here. But we can hope for them to come. And in the meantime, we can forge new connections, make new bonds. Not to replace those who can't be with us, but to honor and support them. It's alright to miss them, but they wouldn't want you to be lonely and miserable forever for their sakes. You made new friends in Nautilus; you're allowed to make them here too."

[death_from_above]

"But I didn't have to keep secrets then," he mumbled. "I was just a cat. Cats can make friends with anyone. It was all so much easier..."

[motherofresistance]

Leia smiled gently. "You were never 'just' a cat," she said. "But just because circumstances have changed, doesn't mean that making new friends is an impossible task. Get to know people. Find out what they're like, and who you want to be friends with. And if you feel those people are trustworthy? Share your secrets with them."

"It's fine to be cautious. But don't let caution become paranoia and keep you from connecting to those who might be of help. Trust your instincts regarding people; they're likely better than you think."

[death_from_above]

"But they're not my secrets. My secrets were which shoes I left hairballs in and where I hid Dominic's crystal balls. My secrets never put anyone in danger. I trust the wrong person and people I love could be hurt or worse..." His shoulders slumped.

[motherofresistance]

"Those are the hardest secrets to know when to share," Leia said. "Believe me, I know. But there are people who are worthy of them, and of your trust. And honestly? They're the ones you need to share with someone the most. If only so you don't drive yourself crazy with the stress of carrying them."

[death_from_above]

"If Adrien was here, he knows them all, I could just share them with him...."

[motherofresistance]

"And that would be what we in the secret-keeping game call 'cheating'," Leia said, but her tone was gentle. "Think of it this way; if you find people to trust with your secrets here, then if Adrien does arrive on the train, you'll have lightened his burden too." Not that secret identities like theirs would likely survive long on board, of course, but it would still be a help.

[death_from_above]

"Unless he's upset that I spilled his secrets. Or someone I trust then trusts someone who trusts Papillon!"

[motherofresistance]

"If he's upset, then the two of you can work it out," Leia said. "But the rest of it is paranoia talking. Papillion isn't aboard the train. No one from that version of Paris is. You can't keep avoiding trusting anyone due to the remote chance that it might go badly someday. That was a mistake when Adrien and the others did it, and it's a mistake now."

[death_from_above]

"But we don't know that for sure, he could be laying low. And even if it is a mistake, if it is their mistake, shouldn't I respect their right to make it? I'm not Dominic, I can't just peak into the future to see if I should betray someone's trust for their own good or not..."

[motherofresistance]

"Everyone who's on board is listed on the passenger roster," Leia said. "You can check it for yourself. A significant chunk of them aren't even from a version of Earth, let alone Paris. If there's anyone you're actually concerned about, you can observe them for while as a cat, but trust me when I say that if Papillion were aboard the train, we'd know it by now. He's not especially subtle, and it with how little privacy there is on the train, I doubt any Miraculous related secret identities would last long, no matter how careful someone was."

"To make it initially? Yes; no one's perfect after all. To not correct it when they're informed of it, though? No. If someone is informed of a mistake and given viable options to correct it, but refuses to even take those options into serious consideration, then it becomes something they're intentionally doing. Whether it's out of fear, stubbornness, or plain old stupidity, it becomes their choice and their responsibility."

"And no, you can't look into the future. But you can get to know people. You can use your own judgment and experience to decide if they're worthy of your trust. You're very clever, as a human or a cat- despite all evidence to the contrary when it comes to your puns-; trust yourself and your own ability to assess someone's character. Could you make mistakes? Possibly. As I said, no one's perfect. But it's far preferable to the alternative."

[death_from_above]

"My secret survived, until you," he pointed out. Unaware that Link and Curufin both had suspicions. He did have to admit that Papillon wasn't subtle though.

"They know their situation and danger more than we do, though," he pointed out.

"Hey, my puns are very clever! But if I do make a mistake... I'm not the one who is gonna suffer for it."

[motherofresistance]

"You use you alter ego to get more fish, relate to people as a human, and to have hands," Leia said. "You don't use it for flashy super-heroics or parkour.
Anyone's secret identity would last about as long as the first mission they were on, then something would happen that would force them to transform to help save the day. That's always how missions seem to go."

"That's true. But that also makes it difficult for them to see the big picture and weigh their options with both in mind, especially since they're teenagers. They should never have been put in that situation to begin with-", and if she ever got her hands on the one who put them there... ,"-but now that they are in it, their paranoia issues may not be their fault, but they are their responsibility to deal with. If they're given viable options to help with them and choose not to take them, then they're willingly allowing them to continue or get worse."

"And that's why you're careful. But as I've said, there's a difference between being careful and being paranoid. What you've been doing is the latter. You need to find some sort of balance."

[death_from_above]

"Actually I've been on a few missions as Privateer Pirate," he admitted. "But I generally have a list of people to avoid when I do." Curufin being super high on that list, since he knew Spark, and Gar, and Gregory. Link now, also.

"I can talk to you now. Isn't that balance enough?" he mumbled.

[motherofresistance]

"Meanwhile, you and I both know that they wouldn't be that careful," Leia said. "They're impetuous, brave, and headstrong, and the only reason they managed to have anonymity was either a large population in their own world or a lot of open space and lack of documentation in Nautilus."

"And no, it isn't. Because you'll just use me as an excuse to keep from actually fixing the underlying problem of paranoia. Good try, though."

[death_from_above]

"I've been working on him on that," he muttered. "Even Gregory knows how to handle a secret identity..." Not that he had to do it long. But still.

"It isn't paranoia if someone is actually out to get the people you love."

[motherofresistance]

"It is paranoia if you take it too far," Leia said. "There's always going to be an element of risk involved in a secret like that. But guarding it too closely often hinders rather than helps. If the various Miraculous wielders were at least willing to trust each other with their identities, they would be able to coordinate much more easily in a crisis, pool information and resources, and cover for each other when need be. Likewise if you were willing to find people to trust here, you'd have access to greater amounts of information and resources, and could put more of your time and effort towards actually being of help instead of dodging people and coming up with excuses."

[death_from_above]

"Yeah, but the more people who know a secret, the easier it is for everyone to know it... right?"

[motherofresistance]

Leia fought the urge to sigh at the circular argument. "Which is why you get to know people before you trust them with the secret," she said. "You talk to them, you learn whether they're trustworthy and whether or not they can keep a secret."

"And you don't just isolate yourself and avoid getting close to anyone just because it's easier. You also don't hide who you are, personality-wise, from people you trust. A true friend will care about you warts and all, alternate forms and all. And will only encourage you to change aspects of yourself if those aspects are harmful to you or others, like I'm doing now."

[death_from_above]

"But... Storms and stuff... doesn't that take away trustworthiness. I mean.. we can't control what we say and do, we remember things weird. Even if I can trust someone normally, what if a Storm makes someone tell. The more people who know, the more that could happen, right? I mean I had to stop Chat and Ladybug from giving themselves away before..."

[motherofresistance]

"There are no storms here," Leia pointed out. "Short of facing another entity like Chaos- in which case, we'd likely have bigger problems to worry about than potentially spilling a secret or two-, there's nothing here that affects our minds that way." Nothing they could foresee, anyway.

[death_from_above]

He gave her a look. A long look. Before finally he all but exploded.

"No storms!? What do you call it then when we kept seeing missing people outside of the train windows? Or when creepy people beckon from the void, but only for like... two days? Or that time when no one could speak properly except for some weird reason me, but then no one could understand me?!" Yes, he is actually aware he was affected too, but even in this instance there was the slight desire to be at least a little bit of a troll. Especially in this form. "Or when you tried to go to the kitchen and wound up in the music car turning purple instead? They even call them Void Storms!" He was pretty sure they did, anyway...

[motherofresistance]

"No reality storms," Leia specified. "And while they do sometimes cause trouble, they don't affect our minds and memories in ways the might cause trouble relevant to your concerns. Not that I expect that matters, since you'll no doubt find another reason, however flimsy, to continue this circular argument."

"And when arguments go round and round for this long, chances are both of those involved are missing the mark. So tell me something, Spark: what is it you're really afraid of here?"

[death_from_above]

"That we know of," he countered. "but the stuff outside the train seems to be as much chaos as what was around Nautilus!"

"What am I afraid of?" the angry energy left him and he slumped down. "Adrien, Nino, any of them getting hurt. Worse if it...if it is my fault. That... that fish world..." he shuddered, looking pale and terrified. Young.

[motherofresistance]

Now they were getting somewhere. "You had to face fears there that you weren't ready to face," Leia said gently. "That you perhaps didn't even know you had."

"Spark, if you give some a gift, and they break it, that's not your fault. If you trust someone and they betray that trust, it's not your fault. If you share part of yourself with someone and they abuse that privilege, it's not your fault. The actions that others may take that hurt you or your friends are not your fault. You are not responsible for the actions of others. Do you understand?" Her turn was firm, but gentle. This was something Spark needed to learn and understand, as difficult a lesson as it may be.