voidtreckerexpress | THE FIGHT

Entry tags:

THE FIGHT - Locked

Who: Xion and Lea
Where: Their cabin
When: Orchestra 18 - a while after the message from Anan
What: Xion and Lea have been heading for an argument for a while. The time has come.
Warnings: KH, angst, probably talk about past abuse though probably without the word. drama. Typing in all caps may happen. You have been warned.

Another day of wandering the train, taking notes on the different cars, because Axel wanted her to. Xion was thinking about some of the stuff Vexen said the other day also. She needed to order bowls from the train. And about notes to Roxas. She wasn't sure what to write, though. She had been heading back to the cabin to think some more about it, away from people, when she saw....

The fridge was gone. Her cold box full of ice cream for Roxas was gone. Her eyes went huge under her hood. Why was it gone?!

"The... the train took Roxas' ice cream?" she asked, in a voice she hardly recognized as her own. It was oddly thick but at the same time... pained. Why would the train take Roxas' ice cream away? Because of the bowls?!

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She didn't have words for any of the emotions swirling within her. She had no clue how to talk about them, but Taiki would get them all. Fear that Axel was going to start to yelling at her again. Or that he'd leave again. Relief that he had come back. Confusion about what she should do now. Anxiety over not knowing how to keep this all from happening again. Sadness that this happened at all, that she may have somehow broken something and she didn't know how to fix it. A hint of stubbornness because she didn't think she was wrong. She was so torn, because she didn't want to hurt Axel. Or Roxas.

Xion shrunk in on herself more, not sure what to say, what she could say that wouldn't make things worse. She looked up at Axel as she struggled to figure out what words to use to keep him from leaving again. To keep him from giving up on her, realizing she was actually broken. To keep him from yelling at her again.

She also didn't know how to understand what had happened. How to fix anything.

She had no clue how heartbroken the look on her face was.

Well, if anything could make him feel like more of a jerk than he already did, it was that look. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He debated whether to sit or stand for a moment before opting to sit down on the lower bunk opposite them. "We've... clearly got some stuff we need to talk about," he said to Xion. Understatement of the century there. "But before anything else, I need to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I blew up at you like that, and that I hurt you. Yeah, I was frustrated and I was angry, but that doesn't make it any better. I should've found a better way of letting you know that than just... yelling at you like that."

He pulled the ice cream bars out of his pocket. "Figured I'd bring these, as kind of an apology gift," he said. He offered one to Xion. "So, um... do you forgive me? Or do you wanna yell at me a bit first? I mean it's only fair..."

He'd talk to Taiki in a moment. He was immensely grateful to him for being there for Xion, but needed to get he apology out first.

Taiki stayed silent. He would speak if he had to, if Xion needed him, if angers flared again. But for now this moment was between them, Lea and Xion and Taiki just watched them quietly.

He kept hold of Xion's hand, hoping that the calmness and compassion that was so much part of his innate nature helped her across the bond.

But Lea got a kind look as well, Taiki is still not fully certain what happened here, but he is not angry at his friend at all.

There were parts of that that... she didn't understand. But less than usual. At least about the individual words. Somethings, like why she would want to yell at him made no sense to her.

But with ll the confusing things, and the things she thought she understood but might be wrong about, there was one thing she understood with absolute clarity.

With her free hand, she reached up and took the offered ice cream. She wasn't quite sure she understood things like forgive. But Taiki would feel the relief in her at the sight of Axel offering the ice cream, and in the moment she took it, gloved fingers closing around the stick. Familiar. Not exactly the same, but familiar.

Roxas had stopped coming for ice cream for a while, but then he came back and things were okay again. As okay as they ever were, back then, anyway. So taking the ice cream... that meant things were okay again, right?

Right?

Lea was nearly as grateful for the kind look from Taiki as he was for Xion taking the ice cream, which he figured meant that his apology was accepted. Things... weren't OK, yet, but now he had the chance to actually try and make them OK. The right way this time, without yelling.

"Right, OK... " Lea said, letting out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Turning his gaze to Taiki he offered him a slight smile. "Thanks for taking care of Xion. If I'd known you were here, I'd have brought you a fruit juice pop or something, but I'll have to give you a rain check on that. I'm glad you're here though. And if you don't mind sticking around, I think that might help the both of us."

To Xion, he said, "I guess... maybe we should start by talking about what sparked this whole thing huh? I'm sorry I got rid of the freezer without telling you. We still can't keep it in here, and we'll still need to find a better way of counting days, but I should've at least told you what I was planning on doing first. I'm sorry."

He paused. "277. It's been 277 days since Roxas left the train. Well, 278, if you count today. So probably really about 277 and a half." Another pause. "I miss him too, you know? And I'll help you figure out a new way to count. But stuffing a freezer full of ice cream bowls just isn't workable. I seriously don't know how you even got all those in there, but there really wasn't any more room, even if you wanted to keep doing that; one or two more bowls, and you wouldn't have even been able to close the door."

He would have left if they had wished him to, if they had wanted privacy. But when Lea asked him to stay he nodded. "As long as Xion is alright with me being here."

Because he wouldn't want to stay against her wishes and he's not sure he's actually been very helpful at all.

277 days. A long time. But at least they had the answer now.

"Two hundred and seventy seven..." she repeated in a whisper. "I... don't have that many shells..." She swallowed. No shells, no bowls, so... what was she supposed to do for Roxas?

And then something else occurred to her, about how large that number was. "How many days... was it between when he started counting and when I went back into Sora the first time?"

Would Roxas want to know how many days old she was? When in his counting had she joined him? Seven, right?

Lea nodded back to Taiki. He doubted that Xion would have any objections. And Taiki had been and continued to be more helpful than he knew.

Xion did have questions though, as usual and Lea had to think a moment to answer this one in particular, going a bit of mental calculating. "Hmm... Roxas was counting the whole time, so... 357, I think," he said. "For him, at least. For you, it would be 350, since you joined the Organization a week after he did. I don't exactly know if it happened the same day we fought outside the mansion in Twilight Town, or the next day, but the next day is when my memories started fading, so it's most likely then."

"Either way, it's a long time. Too long to count with either shells or ice cream bowls; I'm not sure the train even has that many. But we'll figure out a way to count together, OK?"

Edited 2022-01-21 05:32 (UTC)

Too long to count. His picture idea might work but it would be a lot of drawing. Still perhaps that would be a good thing. Drawing could be comforting, helpful even as it would be more productive that stuffing a freezer full of ice cream.

Whilst Lea spoke Taiki reached into his arms band and brought out a blank notebook. It was new, he hadn't used it yet but he could easily get a new one.

"Here... I don't know how many pages it has. But if you run out we can get you another one." He held it out to her.

"Three fifty and two seventy seven and in Diatu...." yes she was trying to figure out how many days old she was. She let go of Taiki's hand to take the notebook, not letting go of her ice cream.

As for what to do for Roxas... "Can I buy two hundred and seventy seven of something from the shop for him and then..." Oh right, they coul only buy twice a month. Not every day... What... was she supposed to do?

"Let's... try for a counting method that doesn't take up much space," Lea said. "Taiki's idea there might work, writing or drawing something in the notebook for each day. Kinda like we did with our journals back at the castle. Plus it'd make it easier to tell Roxas some of the things he missed when we see him again." When, not if. He wasn't going to entertain any alternative.

"Yes... It would be something he could keep as well, to look back at."

He glanced between the two. He only helps he has been able to help a little bit. There is clearly a lot of hurt here and it is something they will need to figure out between them, but he is willing to help them do so.

"I... don't know how to draw," she said, shoulders slumping, ice cream drooping as her hands went limp. "And I don't have that much to write."

Lea shrugged slightly. "Doesn't have to be a lot," he said. "The shells are just little things too. The important thing is the thought behind them. It can be the same thing with what you'd write. Just something you saw or thought about that day that you wanted to share with him."

"Yes. Lea is right. It doesn't have to be anything big. It is just a way to mark the day."

A small thing was all it took.

But she didn't have anything at all, some days. She was afraid that if she said as much, Axel would try to push her into doing more things. Which wouldn't help Roxas. She looked down at her gloves. "I don't know if I can," she said instead. "I don't know how to start."

Lea thought for a moment. Xion had sometimes just sat quietly even when they met for ice cream, but maybe that could be a starting point? "Try and think about something you would say to Roxas if he was there for ice cream," he said. "Or if you can't think of anything for that, just something like 'I thought about you today' or 'I miss you' is fine. Because both of them are true. I know there's not a day when you don't miss Roxas or think about him." Mostly because there wasn't a day when Lea did either.

"We can help you." He said softly. "If you wish."

He is sure Lea would agree to that. He had never really known Roxas, but he knows how much he meant to the two of them.

"And I just... write that for all the days that passed already?" she asked, confused and unsure. But she glanced at Taiki when he made his offer. Found herself nodding before she even thought about it...

She was... actually agreeing? Or at least she was nodding. So, progress! "Yeah, that's the idea," Lea said. "From now on, if there's ever a day you want to write more, you can, but once we're done talking we can help you get caught up to now with that."

"Yes. We can help if you want. Or... if you want to do it alone we can just be here..."

Or not. Whatever is best.

"That... is going to be a lot of writing. To get caught up," she said, looking down at her gloves.

"Well, lucky that you'll have friends to help you then," Lea said, smiling slightly. "We'll make sure you get all caught up."

Though speaking of help, he saw an opportunity to shift to the next topic. "Though you've gotta be willing to help yourself a bit too. And a good way to do that is by paying attention to what's going on around you, on the train and especially on missions. Walking around looking at the ground or your gloves or only paying attention to me is really only making things harder for yourself, and on missions can be downright dangerous."

[He's quiet here, not having anything to say to that but being there and present, to help both of them.

They need to have this conversation it seems and Taiki wants to help them find peace with each other about these things that they have struggled with.]

She eyed Axel a little suspiciously. Was he trying to trick her? She wasn't sure.

THE FIGHT - Locked

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