voidtreckerexpress | (closed) i wish i had a spell to stand against the sadness

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(closed) i wish i had a spell to stand against the sadness

Who: Madoka, Ignis, Tony
When: Right after her post.
Where: Probably the kitchen and Tony's lab?
What: Madoka gets an unfortunate reminder of unprocessed trauma and ends up needing her dads.
Warnings: Trauma. Probably talk of young girls getting beheaded and/or eaten by monsters. Tony is probably worth a warning of his own just in case.

[ Things have been fairly good in the train up until now. Sure, the missions have been scary - especially in the beginning. That first one was just much too overwhelming for Madoka. But she's gradually grown used to them, to the point where she can handle them. She's met nice people. She's gained new friends. She's gotten adopted. Everything has been relatively good.

So much so that it's completely pulled her mind away from everything back home. Everything that she's seen in such a short timespan. Maybe it's exactly because she hasn't thought about it in so long that it hits extra hard now she's gotten a reminder of it.

Madoka completely abandons the ICP and runs, her chest tight and her heart pounding in her ears. ]

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[ It's a nice story to listen to. And Madoka can totally imagine it too, considering she's well used to those kinds of small children shenanigans with her own brother being so much younger than her.

Although it's also hard to miss the way he chokes up when he gets to the end. It's then that she realises that even though it's a cute story, the memory has to be bittersweet for him. So when he pulls her into that hug, she even snuggles into it a little bit, since Tony seems like he could use the comfort.

Madoka was right though. She's totally distracted from her own awful memory by this. Her instinct to help others just takes over entirely instead.

So when she pulls back out of the hug to be able to look at him again, she smiles at Tony. Like her sadness from a few moments ago is totally forgotten for now. ]

She sounds like you. [ What kid would have the guts to sternly tell him no other than his own? ] I bet that means she's also going to grow into an amazing adult.

[Madoka was a gift to this place on a level he never would've expected. He'd avoided her the first couple months because he'd been afraid his gruff nature would harm such a sweet, delicate flower. Now he was seeing that he was holding himself back from someone he really needed in his life.

Which.. reminded him.

He smiles at her compliment, hoping that would be true. He thanks the sweet pink-haired girl before going quiet again for a moment. He'd told Ignis to just 'ask and it'll be fine' but now that he was trying to do it, he could suddenly feel all the apprehension his beau must've too.

He cleared his throat and pushed forward whether he was ready or not.]

Mady.. you're happy about Ignis' idea to adopt you, right? It's not.. uh.. awkward- I don't think that's the right word- for you given you already have a family back home?

Hm?

[ Madoka stares at him, all wide-eyed innocence.

In that sense there really is a parallel to the time Ignis asked her the same thing - them struggling with actually saying it while Madoka is entirely unaware of where exactly the topic is going. To her it just sounds like Tony is asking her because he's worried about her or Ignis' comfort. ]

Of course I'm happy. I don't think it's awkward at all.. [ Although it helps that she's already gotten some time now to get more used to the idea. Not that it didn't feel right to the beginning, but now it's even slowly starting to feel normal. Natural. ] It's not as if I don't still love mama and papa a lot.. But I probably won't see them again.

[ Even if she does go home. ]

So.. I think they'd probably be happy too that someone cares for me that much here. .. That's not strange of me to say, is it..?

[Why are you like this? Can't you see your sweetness is giving him diabetes? The universe was so mean to him.

It helped that she thought so positively of what Ignis had done. As she explained how she wouldn't see her family again, it made his heart wrench in his chest. Would his family be happy that he'd found someone to take care of him too and someone to be taken care of? Would they only see the betrayal it wasn't them like he'd vowed? But none of that was what he should be focusing on. He had a young soul in his care and she took priority.]

Well.. we're going to come back to that point about you not seeing them again, okay? But first I want to.. ask you something. Since Ignis and I are.. well, we're together. Would you like it if I also was like a dad to you? You can say you just want Ignis, I promise I won't be mad. I'll still help you and be here for you all the same.

[ Apparently Madoka really didn't see that question coming, since she gives him a surprised look when the question is put out there. It doesn't fade when he tacks on those extra bits, but at least it gives Madoka a few more moments to deal with the surprise of hearing that question before she has to answer.

And even then there's still a moment of silence before she can finally get any words out again. ]

D.. Do you want to..?

[ It feels impossible that he'd want to, after all. Not that Tony hasn't always been super sweet to her from Madoka's point of view. And it's not even that she herself dislikes the idea, quite the contrary. But the idea that Tony of all people would want that with her feels unreal. She can't wrap her mind around it. Is he maybe just asking since he wouldn't want Ignis to feel weird about being a single father while in a relationship or something..? That's the only reason she can think of, since-- ]

I-I'm nothing special though. And you're so great. [ Tony is the leader of the train, after all. And even if he wasn't, he's still so sweet and smart and strong. And he has an amazingly cute-sounding daughter already!

There's no way Madoka's total lack of selfconfidence could make her believe that he'd want her as a daughter despite all that. ]

[He nods at the first question, but the second statement breaks a piece of his heart.]

Mady, I'm sorry you can't see it, but you are. You're incredibly special. You're loving and sweet and optimistic and cute. You bring joy to everyone you meet. This train and my life would be a lot darker without you. You're a constant reminder of good in the world and what we're fighting for.

[He paused for a moment, considering what else he needed to say. It hit him and after a brief hesitation, pushed forward again.]

Thank you for thinking so highly of me, but I've done some bad things. You should know them before you agree to letting me be your dad. I uh.. I used to be.. not a great person. I was selfish and spoiled. I thankfully grew out of that- somewhat- and I built a machine meant to protect the world. It somehow turned evil and ended up hurting a lot of people. I was with a group of others who were able to destroy it, but I'm still to blame for what it did. So, I'm not perfect. I'm here to try and do some good deeds to try and make up for some of that. That's why I like it here and want to stay.

[He gave her a weak smile.]

So you can take some time to think about it if you need to. I'll understand if you say no. But if you say yes, I'll do everything in my power to never let you down.

[ She's quiet as she listens to him, seemingly almost speechless. Even after he finishes, Madoka is quiet for the slightest moment, but then already shakes her head. Not because the answer is no, but just because.. ]

I don't need time to think about it. Um, even if you've done some bad things.. [ And even that's questionable, since in Madoka's entirely biased and rose-coloured mind that example Tony gives just sounds more like a well-intentioned mistake rather than something bad. ] I don't think you're a bad person at all. And you say such nice things about me.

So.. I'd gladly have you as my father too.

[ It's not even that just Ignis isn't enough. He's great, but.. with Tony too it does feel like they just have their own little family. And it feels strangely nice. Tony even kind of reminds her of her mother in some ways.. It's warm and familiar.

While she's still emotional from everything, she can't help but start to tear up a little again. But at least this time it's good rather than bad. ]

Thank for you giving me that chance.. it actually makes me really happy.

[His heart dropped as he saw her shake her head. It was okay. He understood. Ignis was one thing but it was probably not.. wait, she wasn't saying no? What?!]

Really?

[He really wanted to ask her if she's sure but that sounded pretty rude and ungrateful, even for him. Still, it humbles him to no end that she'd be willing. It felt far more than he ever deserved. After all he'd done, he'd managed to find love and family again.

He couldn't talk, even if he wanted to. When she says it makes her happy, it threatens to make his eyes misty too- which she clearly couldn't see again- so he drew her into a big papa bear hug and kissed the top of her head.

After a moment, he cleared his throat and pulled back.]

How are you feeling now?

[ The hug is working wonders for Tony's purpose here. Because not only does it keep Madoka from noticing his eyes, there's also just nothing that could be as reassuring to her right now as that gesture.

So much so that she leans into the hug, and when he pulls back Madoka can genuinely smile - even if it's thinly - despite the question making her think of why she ended up running to him in the first place. ]

.. Better. [ That's genuine though. It doesn't even sound like she's trying to lie. Especially since she's even making a genuine effort to not shove away the negative sides here: ] I think the memory might still give me some bad dreams though..

[ Her voice trails off, and for a moment she fidgets with the handkerchief she's still holding on to. ]

But.. i-if that happens.. can I come to you? I know I'm probably a little too old for it..

[ But if today has proven anything, it's that there's no quicker source of comfort than her fathers here. ]

[He was relieved to hear he'd managed to make things better, if not completely good again. His smile fades a little as he watches her get nervous again. There were so few people he could guarantee he wouldn't tease about important things like this, but Mady was one of them. Everyone else just needed to get a sense of humor.

His eyebrows rose a bit finally hearing what she needed. It left him smiling sympathetically.]

Of course, sweetheart. And don't feel bad. Peter was doing that until his aunt arrived. I think he now crawls in her bed when he has nightmares. Do you like sleeping in the top or bottom bunk? We'll have either one ready if you ever need us.

[He wasn't going to tell her that one of her dads would move and let her take his spot with the other man since that would likely make her feel guilty and not want to come in no matter how much they insisted it was okay.]

Edited 2020-02-15 23:54 (UTC)

[ Tony truly knows her too well already, since that scenario is most definitely what would play out if she knew they'd have to be making that adjustment for her, even if it was just for a single night.

But Madoka is blissfully unaware of what she doesn't know, and so instead she just smiles when he agrees so easily and makes sure to emphasize that it's not a strange thing at all. ]

Either is fine, I'm not picky. .. Thank you, dad.

[ She blushes a little when she says that last word, but considering the smile it comes coupled with, it's a good kind of blushing. Like she's trying out the word and finds that she likes being able to call him that.

(Also yes, Ignis is papa and Tony dad, because she needs a way to be able to call either of them without both running over...

.. although knowing them, they'll probably both run over anyway.) ]

[The word 'dad' hits him and it makes him smile straight from the heart, but in the back of his mind, it hurt a little too. It wasn't a bad hurt though. Sometimes a little hurt can be a good thing and in this case, it was one of those times.]

I've really missed being called dad.

[Maybe he shouldn't have admitted that to this very impressionable girl, but there weren't words for how much she'd changed his life for the better.

Oh and yes, they'd both come running no matter which 'dad/ papa' she said.]

How would you like to come try out staying in our room sometime before you have a nightmare? That way you will already be comfortable with it.

[ Although there's no verbal response to the first thing he says, Madoka's blush deepens visibly. Still definitely in a good way though, since what he says is.. a good thing, right? If he missed it so much, then she's really glad she can give him the experience of being called dad again. It feels nice to say for her too, after all. It's instant comfort in the knowledge that she's not alone.

(And yes, now she's definitely going to say it as much as possible just because of that.)

The next part, however, makes her blink at him for a moment. ]

Would that be okay? [ There's a hint of surprise in that question, but there's an only barely hidden layer of giddiness under it. Like it's something she wanted to try out already, but didn't dare to ask. ] I.. I think that sounds really nice.. I'd really like to try it out once.

[It was one thing to be teased by the teenagers on board that he was acting like a dad and maybe even call him that. It was another to hear it referred to him in that sweet, childlike way that made the word synonymous with hero or champion. It made him feel invincible and eager to proof why he was worthy of that name.

He wished there was a way to convey even half of what the girl meant to him, but that seemed an impossible task.

Still, he smiled and nodded encouragingly at her uncertainty.]

Of course, Mady. You're welcome any time. It's the privilege of being a daughter, after all. It's that and a never ending supply of hugs and your favorite cookies. Which are...

[He trailed off, waiting for her to clue him in on what those would be.]

.. any cookies dad makes?

[ That's not exactly the answer he was looking for, is it. But while this usually would just be a moment of Madoka innocently praising him like always, this time there's a little more to it.

See, that's his parental privilege. If Tony really cares enough for her to want to be one of her fathers in this place, then Madoka can let go a little bit more too. There's not much of a reason left to be shy if they've reached that point.

So yes, that's her actually making a joke. It's easy to tell just by the slight playful twinkle in her eyes as she looks at him, and the fact she only barely seems to be able to hold back a giggle. ]

[Tony's jaw dropped. Did that.. did she.. he let out a loud laugh and was on his feet in a moment, hauling her onto his shoulder like he was picking up rolled up carpet.]

My kitten has sass! I have a sassy kitten! I'm so proud of you!

[He tickled her sides while trying to be careful to not actually drop her.]

Let's go find out what kind of cookies your dad can make, huh? Anything for my sassy kitten!

[Okay so he might be overdoing it, but he really was proud that their relationship had gotten strong enough that she could tease him back. He knew he was being loud too as he carried her from his lab to the kitchen, but really they were only disturbing like two carriages. That wasn't too bad, right? When they reached the kitchen, he put her down on a counter.]

[ It's hard to tell what kind of response Madoka may have expected from him over what she said, but apparently this wasn't it. She lets out a small surprised sound when she's suddenly lifted up before she even realises what's going on.

But apparently it's not a bad kind of surprise, since she starts laughing as well a moment later - although it'd be hard not to with those tickles, right, that's unfair! Or maybe his own laugh is just that contagious.

Either way, Madoka laughs right along the way until they're in the kitchen, and even when he sets her down she's still smiling. ]

Dad, you're really cute when you get all happy like that.

[ And apparently that makes Madoka plenty content too, since she's even swinging her legs back and forth a little as she's sitting on the counter. ]

[Tony loved that the girl was laughing right along with him. It helped him relax that maybe she wasn't quite the delicate little flower he'd worried she was when he first met her.

He flashed her a bright smile when she called him cute.]

I'm not cute! I'm rugged and dangerous! I'm like the opposite of cute. Cute is for little girls and tea parties and.. where did I put the mixing bowl? Let me guess, your papa's been in here messing with how I arranged everything..

[He rummaged around as he joked with her till he had a couple mixing bowls, a wooden spoon and all the ingredients he could find for cookies.]

Ever have snicker doodles? They're more valuable than gold back where I'm from. You could buy and trade kingdoms with this stuff.

[My Little Pony kingdoms, but still..]

"Rugged and dangerous..not quite." Ignis smirked, coming into the room for another cup of coffee. He passed by Madoka who was sitting on the counter kicking her little legs. He gave her a brief kiss to the top of her head and smiled about the part where he'd been rearranging everything.

He turned to address Tony and gave him a kiss on the cheek, had to play it safe, Tiny Daughter was here. "I'm afraid I'm not the only one who cooks in here so things tend to move darling." The advisor refused to call anyone else a chef so that wasn't a thing that happened.

But he got himself and Tony coffee and gave Madoka some juice before standing next to Madoka as she sat on the counter. "Does this mean you're making these famed Snicker Doodles?" If so, Ignis was going to learn a new recipeh.

Sorry Tony, it's too late. You're definitely already cute now. Madoka is more willing to make a compromise than Ignis here and will agree on the rugged and dangerous part if that's what dad wants to hear. But also definitely cute.

And if the girl's sadness and panic over her memory already seemed to have faded before at Tony suddenly asking her to be a father to her too and then joking around with her, Ignis suddenly appearing as well makes it fade away entirely for now. How could Madoka be sad with both of them around? She just takes the opportunity of Ignis standing right next to her to lean against her papa while she's sitting on the counter, sipping her juice.

"I've never had them, but I want to try them..!" Especially when made by one of her dads. "Let's buy a kingdom!"

At least this time, no matter how gullible Madoka may be, she does at least realise they're not talking about literal kingdoms here. But her fathers got her excited now, so she'll gladly go along with this joke.

He really had no street cred left, did he? Ah well. It's not like he would miss it. It was certainly worth giving up if that meant he got to enjoy happy, smiling children who he could spoil and adore.

He hummed a pleased note at getting a kiss. "Well we should remind them sometime that this is your kitchen and if they can't respect that then we're going to throw them off the train," he joked with a laugh. "But yes, I am. Although I could always use some help."

He gave a quick thanks for the coffee before pointing at the refrigerator. "Darling, would you getting two eggs and some butter?" He asked Ignis. From the cupboard, he pulled down the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, cream of tartar, and vanilla.

"Did your father ever have you help him cook?" He asked Mady.

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(closed) i wish i had a spell to stand against the sadness

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i'm trying to be good and tag my inbox in order but you two make it so hard!!!

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