voidtreckerexpress | Egret 22---Closed Log to Ignis and to Madoka

Entry tags:

Egret 22---Closed Log to Ignis and to Madoka

[Egret 22--Closed to Ignis--as soon as Raven is aware of the break-up.]

Tony had always been more out in the spotlight than Ignis. The younger man seemed to prefer to fade in the background too, which meant that Tony stood out more. Raven knew this would mean, while she'd need to check on Tony as well, he would manage and have more people likely watching him than Ignis was.

Never mind that Ignis' friends from home were on the train now--she wouldn't claim to know him well, but she did understand a few key things about him that others might not. How seriously he took his duty, and just how close he played things in his heart. The first wasn't so hard to tell, but most people might not realize how strong it was. The second--good luck hiding from an Empath, not that Raven went prying needlessly. She was watchful, and knew what to look for rather.

So, first she's stopping by the kitchen and raiding the good stash of tea she and Bucky had found. Making two cups, and then seeking out the quieter man. Ignis and Tony both needed friends, but Raven was willing to bet most were finding Tony far more easy to locate and commiserate with. Add to that how close Ignis played things to himself, and Raven felt he should be her priority at the moment.

[Egret 22-23--Closed to Madoka, after talking to Ignis]

Besides the two men involved, Raven knew one person who would be devastated by this break-up and have no clue how to deal with her feelings on it. Or what to do now. Thankfully they were room-mates, so hopefully it wouldn't be difficult to find Madoka. It would be awkward, but Raven was prepared for that--and the other girl was, perhaps, her closest friend among the other passengers. Raven knew Madoka would need a friend now, and badly.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ignis was hurting of course. But given his experience at being on the train a long time, he knew of the nooks and crannies that were present for respite even if others weren't aware of them. It wasn't like him to avoid his teammates or be around them for very brief intervals but this festering wound had cut him as no other had ever been able to.

Carrying around guilt, regret, remorse and grief made him ready to give into and agree to anything just for a chance to apologize a thousand times, bend over backwards and go back on everything he said. Deep down he was scared, upset and felt like a failure on the inside. He didn't want to fight anymore, and would rather lose any argument in order to keep what he has. He could be yelled at and he'd just quietly sit through it because there's no fight left in him at all. He's ashamed, heartbroken, confused and silently suffering a heaping helping of self-doubt. Plus he's afraid of any further rejection and anger though Ignis just wants to talk and put right what he did wrong.

Basically it boiled down to the fact that he just wanted to be a family on and off the field, and to toss aside any obstacles, not to use the leadership or council positions as weapons. He's simply used to fighting alongside Noct and their friends because it's how they operate back home. He wasn't sure how he wasn't good enough to fight alongside the older man. He after all was a protector too, of the king of Lucis. At the end of the day of course he still loves Tony, and would always be there for him no matter what. He was ready to make whatever changes he needed to in order to get things back on track and heal the older man so that he felt better with little to no regard to himself.

Going over and over the argument in his head did little to ease the pain. He just wanted to be together and interweave everything of their lives. So if Tony wouldn't come to the Blue Team, he'd offered to go to the Red team. And that was when everything exploded and he had to watch the other walk away from him. That wasn't anywhere in the song they danced to, and in fact had been the opposite. The words were 'Stand By Me' and Ignis knew he wasn't mistaken at least on that much.

Hearing a knock on the quiet cabin door, the advisor immediately put his business like armor on and answered. And then he was was very surprised to see Raven on the other side holding tea. He tried a smile for her sake and nodded, stepping back.

"Please come in."

Edited 2020-04-18 22:45 (UTC)

"Only if you're sure you want me to. Otherwise I'll just leave the tea here for you, and tell you to come find me when you want to." Raven responded, tone as deadpan as usual but honest concern in her eyes. "And don't lie--only if you really are okay with me visiting right now."

"No Raven." Ignis said softly, opening the door wider. "Please do come in, I'm alright for your company." Going over and over the argument and mentally hearing the tone was just driving him crazy. None of the others had sought him out but they knew something was wrong when they looked at him he was sure. Or so it felt.

Gently he took the teacup and moved out of Raven's way so she could really see it was alright to come and visit with him. It was really touching that she thought to come all this way and check on him and briefly he wondered..but then she must've found out.

It wasn't anything he was willing to openly discuss with just anyone, he hurt differently and always sought to appear to be in control and unruffled by whatever was going on.

Raven did step in finally, hoping he'd take her words to heart though. Moving to take a seat, she was quiet for a little bit until they were both settled safely in the space. Where they couldn't be interrupted unless someone knocked, like she had.

"I know what it's like, probably better than most, how it feels to have to stay in control of your emotions at all times. I've had to train to do that myself, since I was very young--since my powers react to my emotions." Raven had a point in sharing and speaking of that subject, voice soft but with honest concern in the tone. "You can talk and vent, or let go, or whatever you need right now, Ignis--and I won't judge. You don't have to hide it, pretend everything is fine."

Moving to pull her cowl down, and to meet his eyes. No powers needed, just empathy in her gaze and care and worry for him. "So, how are you?"

Green eyes lifted from the coffee cup that Ignis had wrapped his gloved hands around as if it were an anchor. Ever since that fight he'd been wearing his gloves and it was a constant reminder of how his life had suddenly changed in the blink of an eye.

His gaze steadily met hers and he nodded slowly. He'd been training all his life too because all of his focus had gone to taking care of a solemn young lad with eyes that spoke all by themselves. No one regarded him as much other than the caretaker, the chamberlain and all the other hats he'd worn. He smiled, and tried that much for Raven's sake. And all the hurt came rushing back at him. It was an inward prison he'd never be able to get rid of by himself. Only one person could free him from this cage and he didn't know if that would ever come to pass. The pain of watching the other man turn his back and walk away was one he didn't know how to get over.

The advisor shook his head, feeling the tears well up though he was pushing them back as much as he could. Fixing his gaze back on the cup, he knew it was no use lying to Raven and Ignis damn well knew that. So there was sadness mixed with a soft tone. "I'm not fine at all. But..if I might..ask a favour.."

There were tears in his eyes now and he fought not to cry. "Please watch over Tony." Since the older man would probably rather burn himself out than see Ignis again.

Giving a slow blink, Raven was careful as she engulfed his mug in dark-energy (to steady it), before getting up and moving over to hug him. It was awkward, as she wasn't really much of a hugger. But it wasn't for her, it was for him.

"You're both my friends, so I was going to already. But I knew you'd be suffering alone and trying to hide it." Softening her voice. "You can cry, and you don't have to be strong or hold it back around me, Ignis Scientia."

Ignis watched the dark energy surround his cup and he couldn't figure out why Raven was doing that. She then moved and for some reason he thought she was going to leave, but then her arms enfolded him and he was surprised. She definitely wasn't the hugging type so somehow he felt really honoured.

Humbled by her words, his grip slightly tightened. He couldn't even bring himself to say the thank you that was so rightly deserved as a few tears traitorously slipped silently down.

She was tense, but more because of the awkwardness--she wasn't used to being the one giving hugs. The hug remained though, Raven sighing quietly in weariness. For him and for herself. She'd hold this as long as needed, for him to cry and grieve if he wanted.

This hurt on a soul level. This would be the kind of hurt that it would be to lose Noct since he had been raised alongside the king. He had no idea if he could recover from this, and didn't want to spend much time thinking about that.

Finally, Ignis got something of a grip on himself and pulled back, trying to give her space since this really wasn't Raven's thing. "Thank you..for everything you've done." The advisor couldn't verbalize it but he was also thanking her in regards to the time where she helped Tony on the platform with his attack.

Raven's signs of upset-distress were more subtle, as she hurt too for her friends. Worrying over them, but forced to keep as much control over her emotions as she could. While sensing just how much this hurt said friends...

It wasn't a surprise hopefully when one of the lights in the quiet cabin flickered, turned off, then brightened to the point of blinding and exploded with a crackle of glass. "...sorry." She retightened her control on her emotions, while Ignis pulled himself together and pulled back.

Pulling her cowl back up, and she shook her head. "No thanks needed. You're my friend, Ignis."

Ignis' attention was arrested at the flickering of lights and with the exploding glass. His first thought was to protect Raven from whatever was going on and looked at her when she apologized.

"You..did this?" There was no blame or anger, just a scholar's curiousity and it gave him something to focus on other than how hurt and distraught he was. He didn't know what to do or what to think, but he would let her explain, but only if she cared to.

In the meantime it seemed she was putting her cowl back up and somehow it bothered him to try and figure out why. But he tried a smile which was failing and he shook his head. "You've been the first to reach out to me. I owe you at least the thank you."

She wasn't leaving though, the cowl going back up was another way of her re-centering and controlling herself. "You don't owe me anything. Friends do this, or so I've been taught." There might be a hint of smile. Then a breath, and she's sitting back down. "Sorry about the light. My....powers react to my emotions." How best to explain, b/c she knew that alone wouldn't satisfy his scholarly side.

"My friend, Starfire--the alien princess? There was a time, when we switched bodies--not by choice--but thanks to a bad guy messing with our souls. He was trying to imprison us all in puppets. He got the boys. But....Starfire had trouble adjusting to my abilities and body, and I had trouble adjusting to hers."

It was as good a lead in as any. "For her, flight is easy--she just needs to let her feel the boundless joy and be weightless. For me, I...have to be in complete control, or else my flying is uncontrolled. At one point, while we were trying to free the others, she used my powers to break a lock. Calm and controlled." A pause. "But in her excitement at succeeding, she let that control go, and the entire door was ripped off thanks to the lack of control over my powers."

Ducking her head a bit, Raven at least sounded amused with her next statement. "I never did manage to 'fly' while in her body."

He smiled, thinking of the king and the boys from the Crownsguard. They hadn't come to see him but then he'd been pretty elusive because he didn't know what to say and he had no defense. Of course he bore none of them any ill will due to it, this situation wasn't their problem. It was his, Ignis had caused it and he would have to figure out a plan of action to fix it.

"You've no need to apologize." It was all he could think to say at a time like this. But then Raven launched into the tale about her friend and he listened. There was a slight smile at hearing about Starfire because she sounded a little like Noct. Or at least the accidental breaking of something due to his joy would be a similar thing at any rate.

"In that case, I suppose I wouldn't have been able to fly either."

"I think you'd pick it up, actually. You do know when and how to let yourself feel emotions. I've had to learn it the hard way a lot of times." She didn't mean to sound slightly bitter there, but it still came across in the deadpan tones.

Ironic, in a way; the Empath wasn't allowed to really 'feel' her own emotions without worrying about her powers going out of control.

"...but that's part of why I'm so calm all the time. I *have* to be. But I understand how hard it is, and if you need someone you can let your guard down around--I'm willing to help if I can."

"I appreciate your faith in me." And really, Ignis meant that. Raven was really sweet to think that he'd get something he would consider difficult. The most he could do was back flips and leap into the air. However, he didn't remain there and he came right back down afterwards.

There she went again, reaching out and being the soul of kindness to him. He could only smile and lower his head a little in a semi apologetic way. Swallowing his own emotions had become his m.o. since he was young, after all, there was a prince to look after who was far more important than he was and he was tasked with keeping the young boy out of trouble and alive. Ignis had always considered himself second if even that to the younger royal as he had no royal blood in him at all.

All he could do was raise his gaze and look at her. "Thank you Raven."

She shook her head, with a small smile. Not trying to trivialize anything, but more trying once again to make it clear he didn't need to thank her. "You're welcome anyway." With a bit more of a hint of smile.

He tried to smile back and wondered if it came across as one with all that was going on. Ignis was so grateful to her, he just didn't have the words to properly express that right at the moment.

The blondish head shook as he struggled to regain some sense of control over his emotions which at the moment could be described as scattered at best.

"I do believe that smile isn't something you give out so casually. And I'm happy to see it." At least one of them could really smile.

His attempt at the smile was what mattered, and his comment made her chuckle slightly. "I assure you, I do have the ability. Occasionally I've been known to smirk, or very very rarely--to grin. Usually you should worry if you see me doing either." It's a gentle tease, and she's not expecting anywhere near his usual response.

"Besides the obvious, how can I help? I can let you be now, if you want--or I can stick around and just offer quiet company."

It definitely is not difficult to find Madoka - especially not this time, since she actually is in their room. Raven has the right idea about the girl definitely feeling complicated and kind of bad about all this.. hence why Madoka is in their room to begin with. No one else was around, so she figured it might be a good place to just sit and be bummed by herself for a few moments without bothering anyone else with her mood.

But apparently that didn't quite go as planned. Sure, Raven had taught her some things about meditating and shielding, but it's not like Madoka is perfect enough at it yet to be able to keep all her emotions from leaking out. Even if it might have been slightly less intense than it usually would have been, it still would have felt like a big sad cloud just drifting out from their room - like a homing beacon to find Madoka with, really.

Regardless, when she spots Raven entering the room as well, Madoka quickly jumps up from her bed. She's fully aware that Raven can tell how she's feeling, but out of sheer habit she tries to thinly smile all the same.

"O.. Oh, hi..! I'm sorry, did you want to take a nap or something? I can leave.."

Madoka was making fine progress on shielding honestly, and in meditating. Her confidence issues interfered with it, but that was alright and expected too. Given what had happened and how close Madoka was with both parties, Raven was kind of impressed at how calm Madoka did seem, despite startling.

"You stay put." Raven said, knowing very well why Madoka was hiding in her (their) room. "Even with you being an open book, even without my Empathy, I know you." Softening her voice and tone some. "You're close to both of them, so this has to be hard for you. Talk to me."

She ducks her head a little at getting called out like that, but at the same time it's not a total surprise. Part of her was already prepared for Raven to know everything about what's going on, including how she feels about it. So thankfully Madoka doesn't really look upset - she mostly just looks a little conflicted.

Only for a moment though. She knows she both can't and shouldn't run away from this. Besides, Raven is her friend, so she can talk to her.. So Madoka then nods.

".. okay." She hasn't talked to anyone else about it though, which means she'll need a moment to find the right words. "We should probably sit down for that though, huh..?"

Oh good, Madoka wasn't going to make this difficult. Well, not beyond how difficult it already could be... Raven was also impressed by how the other was handling it so far, in terms of maturity. Not that it was a surprise really, as Madoka was stronger than even she herself knew.

"Probably. I'd...also put away anything potentially breakable." Raven ducked her head, moving to take a seat, then bringing her knees up and pulling her arms around them. "I need someone I don't have to be as controlled around, and to talk with, too." Which was a huge sign of her trust in Madoka, and their friendship. "My powers react to my emotions though, so I still have to keep control. I just don't want any accidents."

Those words make the girl look a little surprised. Madoka's eyes grow the tiniest bit wider as she looks at the other. She expected Raven to want to help her, sure. Raven's always been nice like that. But she didn't quite expect that it's not a one-sided thing. Raven wants to talk too.

"Of course." It may be why the answer sounds serious, but a little less sad. After all, no matter how sad the current circumstances are, just the idea that she may be able to help out someone else here (let alone an important friend like Raven) makes some hope blossom in Madoka's chest. "Um, give me a moment.."

She quickly looks around to see if there's anything breakable she can move. She finds a glass that she quickly moves to put outside of the doorway before closing the door behind her again. It's then that she moves to sit down as well - but decides on sitting next to Raven. Maybe it'll give them both a little comfort, rather than awkwardly talking from across the room.

"There." She pauses, slowly letting out a breath. "So.. you heard about it too, huh..?"

"I did." Raven paused before adding softly. "I've talked to Ignis. He's....quieter than Tony. Tony will shout from the rooftops while Ignis suffers in silence and pretends to be a robot." Explaining why she'd checked on the one first.

Not that Raven didn't care for Tony--because she did. She planned to check on him too; but he wouldn't be taking any of this quietly or trying to handle it alone, like Ignis was.

"Obviously you know already. I still don't know what happened, just that it's broken off."

"Hmm.. Dad told me about it."

Hence how she knows. But that was earlier on, and honestly, it's no surprise to hear that the news may have started to spread across the train already. There's more of them on board nowadays, sure, but it's still not enough people for gossip to not instantly be all over the place. Especially for those who know the people involved.

"Both of them must really be hurting.." In their own respective ways, yes, because she agrees very much with Raven's assessment of the situation. It's just the difference between her dads.

But it at least does make her glad to know her friend sought out Ignis. Just to make sure he's not alone. Honestly, Madoka would love to spend all her time alternating between sticking around with either of them right now to make sure of that, but..

"I'm.. worried." She's trying her best to be honest about her feelings with Raven, at least. The other girl is important enough for her to at least try. "I want to be with them, and try to comfort them, but I keep worrying that if they see me, it'll only remind them of the other."

And that would probably only make things worse and more painful. She is one of the things they shared, after all.

"Being worried is perfectly normal and natural in this situation. You love them both, and care about them." Raven couldn't say she 'loved' them, necessarily. But Tony and Ignis were both her friends and she did care for them. She was worried too, although she showed it in different ways than most.

"I'm worried too, if it helps. That's part of why I wanted to check on Ignis. I'll be checking on Tony too, in a bit." Easy enough to admit that, and Raven was trying to let down her guard a bit with Madoka too. The other girl was a friend, and so genuine, and it had gotten past Raven's guard quickly.

"I do think, even if it might be painful, both of them would like to see you though. To be reminded that you care, about them. Together or individually, you love them."

Madoka glances over at the other, the hurt and worry obvious in her eyes even though it's not like Raven would have to see that to already know it's there. For a moment she's just staring, as if she's thinking, but then she slowly nods.

"Of course I do." There's no question about that. And what happened won't change that fact either. She really does still love both of them. They still feel like her dads to her. "T.. Then I'll try to see them. Hopefully you'll be right."

Because she really wants to make a positive change in this situation, not make matters worse. Madoka feels like she's much more likely to do the latter, if not just due to a general lack of self confidence.

"But, um-- please don't overwork yourself, Raven. It must be tough to be around them when they're both so emotional.. I'll worry about you too, you know?"

There's a blink, and then Raven is pulling her cowl away from her face, even if she's still curled up on the seat. "I think knowing you still care, will help a lot Madoka. That's all you have to do--remind them you love them both." A pause, and Raven laid her head against her knees.

"I'm.....it's hard. It hurts and it's hard. It hurts because I care about them both, and then of course feeling everything else. I should be used to it, as most people don't even have a clue how much they just spill everything and anything everywhere. But it's...harder to shut out right now."

Which to prove that point, the lights flickered in their room briefly, as a sign of Raven's distress. There might've been a small huff, with a brighter flare, but they didn't pop or break yet.

It's so obvious how much of a hard time Raven is having. Madoka doesn't need to have any empath powers of her own to be able to realise that. Especially when the other girl is admitting it so openly - it makes Madoka realise just how much of Raven's trust she has.

And how much she wants to make sure to never do anything to betray said trust.

"Raven.." She slowly starts. There's some slight hesitance to what she's saying, but it's not born out of fear. She's not afraid of what Raven's powers could do while she's struggling, despite the flickering lights. Madoka has faced down scarier things for lesser reasons. No, it's hesitance purely born out of the worry that she can't want to gross the barrier of Raven's comfort. "Is it okay if I give you a hug right now..?"

She wants to help reassure the other girl, after all. And hugs always help Madoka, so she figures maybe it'll slightly help Raven too. Especially if people don't often hug her.

Raven looks at her for a bit, before nodding. "I'd like one, thank you." Her voice is small, revealing that for all her maturity, Raven is still a teenager. She takes a breath quickly, and murmurs her mantra under her breath to gain some control over herself. She doesn't want to hurt Madoka, ever. But especially not because she's having trouble with her own emotions right now.

Madoka sucks in a deep breath as well, trying to calm her own heart as much as she can before leaning in to give Raven a hug. It's not a perfect attempt, considering how upset she herself is as well, but she's really trying as she wraps her arms around Raven. Madoka just wants to be able to at least bring some comfort to her friend, after all, just like how Raven gives her the same in return.

And doubly so when Raven seems so weirdly vulnerable for once. If her friend trusts her enough to show that much, the least Madoka can do in return is be as reassuring as possible.

"I'm here.." It's all she says as she's leaning against the girl, gently holding her.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Egret 22---Closed Log to Ignis and to Madoka

no subject

no subject

no subject

She'll get to the hug, don't worry.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject