voidtreckerexpress | [Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

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[Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

Who: Eva + YOU!
What Nightmares and breaking points.
Where 3C, Kitchen, Game Car, and Quite Car.
When Night Egret 26
Warnings PTSD mentions, mentioned past death, blatant talk of what a realistic pokemon world's like.

Cabin 3C (Closed to Cabinmates- tag as you please thread.)
"NO-!" That is very much a strangled yell as Eva sits bolt upright, eyes wide as her heart pounds in her ears. "Not real-"

Because it's not. She knows what's happened. Nightmare. But that doesn't magically make the fact she's sweety go away, nor stop the ragged breaths, or the glances at cabin mates to check that yes, it was simply a rather bloody dream. They're still alive. Misa. Nerdanel. Feanor. Princess in his pokeball. They're alive. That means Peter. Kaito. Little One. Kaiba. The rest of the train.

The friends she's made and those she thinks of as family. They are alive and not dead or dying or hurt or hostages or or or-

This isn't Lavender Tower. Not Silph Co. This isn't that hysterical, blood and tear-stained night Fluffy came into her possession-

Hands clench blankets -sleeping bag- and knuckles go white. "There's blankets under me. Not rock..."

She curls up and tries to keep the sob from escaping. She really, really does. But she does anyway because under everything? she's scared and terrified and her mum isn't a teleport away.

OPEN: Kitchen or Game Car
a/ Kitchen
Somehow she manages to abscond to the kitchen.

Tea is good. Tea is the best at soothing nightmare shaken nerves, even if it's gone cold, and she's not really drinking it so much as she is staring at it, face blank and hollow. For all of Eva's optimism and generally sunny personality, she has been through hell and back and it shows.

She hates it.

Mostly, Eva's not sure how to handle this because her support network isn't here, and there are parts - many, many, many parts- of her world she's not comfortable with talking about with people who wouldn't understand.

"Four, grant me strength..."

b/ Game's Car
At some point, she leaves the kitchen with a thermos of tea, grabs one of the cloaks she burrowed (stole) from the aborted mission, and retreats into a beanbag. Princess is curled up on her lap, and Eva looks- Lost.

Lost, unsure. Not at all like her normal self. The quiet confidence she carries herself with is shattered for now. But, that doesn't stop her from trying to put a smile on her face should anyone approach her.

"Hey. Couldn't sleep too?"

Quiet carriage (Closed to Garret)
Eventually, though, Eva retreats to one of the quiet cabins, where she curls up in on herself. She has... a lot to think about. She'd been more open this night about the brutality of her world than she'd like.

She's not sure how to deal with it.

Thankfully, there's no more tears, but it doesn't mean she can't get lost in thoughts. Enough so that she jerks when the door opens. "Uh - Oh. Garret-san?"

She tried to offer him a smile, but honestly? she just looks tired. Tired and drained.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Bridges...? Path....? SNo. If she runs, she'll die. She can't she find it in her bag- Oh. There is it is.

In the real world, her hand again closes over Princess's pokeball. But to Eva, it's the masterball. She throws it, and in a flash of purple light, the mewtwo is sucked inside. Caught instantly. (She grabbed the pokeball in the wrong spot and all it does is jerk helplessly against the belt. But it's enough.)

From there, it's... a path is made and bridges are crossed, but Eva's barely cognizant of it. All she knows is she needs to get away from the cavern, away from the blood and the gore. That the masterball and its prize buried deep in her bag.

But, as she starts to come to the exit, vague whispers become words becomes a voice she knows- She flinches, just a little, but. No. He helped her ride it out, brought her back and he's angry because she messed up something and she's.. pretty sure she has an idea and-

Myths and Legends and gods and stupid, stupid boys with no sense (not far to all the boys she knows, but she doesn't care), she can't do this right now, but she must. No choice but to try and swim and she extracts her hand off Princess.

"Thank you," She croaks out and holds up her hand as she slams logic down her throat and staples together her mental state enough so she can function at the level she needs to be for this. It'd be so, so much easier if she were a psychic, but. Whatever. If they're doing this now, then they do it here.

What follows is more a rush of words, and by the end of it, Eva's shifted into the deepest, most formal bow of apology her culture has to offer.

"Private, no. Not in this state. But I know the topic, and I will say this. Nobility or not, by saying I'd make it an order, I stepped over a line, I did not know was not to be crossed. I know so very little of your culture that I assumed it close to my own, where boys defer to ladies and it's acceptable for ladies to order the boys around if they feel it needed, which typically happens in times of stress or crisis. Obviously, that's not the case with your culture. And for that, I am deeply, deeply sorry. Yet, what I don't understand is why you didn't try and correct the miss understanding when it first happened? It doesn't matter now because it happened. I'm deeply sorry and it will never happen again. Of that you have my word."

Because it won't. Because this her fault and how many times has she put her foot in it because of cultural misunderstandings?

Too many, probably.

Edited 2020-04-23 11:44 (UTC)

"You are still close to the edge of the Twisted Kingdom. I will explain it when you are better able to comprehend. For the moment, let's work on keeping you on this side of sanity. Because breaking like that? That's not good for you, or anyone else. I've known too many people who have been lost in that madness for too long. I won't see anyone I care about it lost in it again, not if there is any way that I can help. I'm not sure what that way is, but I'll find it. You just stay here, on this side of sanity, and we'll get through this, together. Alright?"

And then he can explain things to her. Though the apology helped. And drove home the fact that they do need Protocol here. Because if she had done that with a Warlord Prince he wouldn't have quietly fumed this whole time, he would have slaughtered her. Well no, Yaslana might have just dumped her in the shower and rained ice cold water on her as he explained what the issue was, and Sadi... well, he was called the Sadist for a reason. Khary had no clue how little of that reason he and the other boyos were actually aware of, however.

"The worst is over. PTSD -Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- is a bastard like that."

She honestly can't help the broken laugh that bubbles up. It's not funny, she knows that, but at the same time... Well. If he's lead her through a breakdown, he might as well know more. Yay.

Fun. Not.

She does not care. "Khardeen-dono, I've thought about worse in a worse state of mind since I was 13. I've been a hostage with a gun to my head and psychic pokemon ready to rip me apart, while recalling the other two hostage situations I was in, along with all the times I was dragged into dealing with the hostage-takers-" She gulps down air and jams yet more logic (because this is the Void Trecker, not then and she refuses to let her mind do it's happy fun dance again, thank you very much.) down her throat. Gods fuck fate, what is this night even???

"on top of all that, while in the middle of a life and death pokemon battle when shit went to the Summer Eye, I think I can understand while like this. Or at least listen to something and then, when I am back to my normal self, ask you about it in detail."

He shook his head. "It is one thing for a Black Widow to step that often over the boundary between sanity and the Twisted Kingdom. They're trained for it, and even then too many good witches are lost. If you are telling me that this has happened before then doing what er can to strengthen your chalice has to come before any other concerns."

"Mother Night," he muttered, "I wish Jaenelle could see to you. She's the best person in the history of the Blood at helping people with this sort of thing."

"It's not that fresh and I'm not that fragile. Arkea doesn't breed fragile minds, I promise. Anyway, a lot of it happened a decade ago. I've seen counsellors over it -I'm not my idiot boyfriend. And I know my own mind."

Her smile is tired but honest, if a bit frustrated. She will be fine; she knows that much.

"At least tell me something, please."

He sighed, but he knew an argument he wasn't going to win. He just wished he had someone he could go to for advice on how to help her. Or at least some logs to much.

"Fine. Males in my world serve, yes. But we don't serve just any female. As a friend you can ask a favor, as any friend could, and because of your gender I am more likely to be amenable to it. But the only people who get to give me orders are those with whom I have signed a contract or offered my blood as a sign that my will is their life. That would be Witch. And my wife who happens to be the queen I serve directly. To put this in perspective, Lady Karla, who serves in the Dark Court at the same level as my wife is a close friend. If she tried to give me an order without proper Protocol... well my temper isn't as bad as some. She'd probably just discover a nasty surprise in her bed. But any of the other boyos who are Warloed Princes? Well they have the worse tempers.... And she's a friend. There is Protocol for asking for certain things, or asking for temporary control over my life for a short set time. But controlling a male isn't just giving orders. We live to serve, yes. it is who and what we are. But agreeing to serve... Serving isn't one sided. There are things that Protocol allows a male to ask for from the queen he serves, and freedoms that male is given over her. Liberties I have never once exercised with you or any other female here." Though every month, with each of them, he was tempted.

"So if you want to give me orders, learn the Protocol, learn what you would have to give me on your side of the bargain, and then you can offer me a limited contract that we can negotiate. But I will tell you bluntly, as of this moment I am less than inclined to agree. It might be because you were at the edge of the Twisted Kingdom, or simply because you don't know Protocol and don't understand. But you treating me that way rubbed too close to an old wound. A scar more on my friend's soul than mine, but one that became a lesson to us all. And I will not ever serve anyone who treats males the way that woman does."

That is a lot to take in, but she listens, mentally filing it away for later when she can sit and break it down and formulate questions. Her head hurts with the coming headache of too much at once, but. She's faced worse.

And really, learning something new or about someone's culture that seems so like her own but so very not means she would happily walk into the fire.

"Thank you. I wouldn't want a contract, that much I know, because even if I learn enough Protocol, I'm not..." Not cut out for such things. "I'd put my foot in it at the worst possible time and that's the last thing I want or you need. Not if there's old wounds involved."

She rakes a hand through her hair with another sigh. "There's a lot here to think about but I do know I'm going to end up with a lot of questions, probably not like the answers, and you're going to have a lot of questions for me when I'm in a better state to explain stuff, and probably not like the answers, either."

He gave a small nod. "That seems likely," he said with wry amusement, to all of it. "But now that you've gotten some information, may I have the right of fussing for today?" he asked with a quirk of a grin. "Asking as a friend who is a male to a friend who is a female."

"If you turn out to be like Blue, I reserve the right to kick you out." It's deadpan but little bite.

Though the small smile tells she's grateful for the fussing. "But yeah. It's what friend do after nightmares."

"No clue who Blue is," he said with a hint of a grin, but I distinctly heard a yes. So....." He shifted position slightly, and unless she fought him, would scoop her up into his arms, a shield around himself to protect him from her small toothy animal companion. "Up we go," he said, standing with her.

"Satoru. He's the one I rambled on while getting drunk. Blue's nickname and he goes by both because he's stupid-"

She'd have said more, but her first reaction to being stopped up is to momentarily cling with one hand, while recalling Princess with the other. She can deal with the pokemon later.

And then she grabs whatever parts of the cloak are hanging and promptly buritos herself as best she can. "...Somewhere quiet, I think at least."

"Oh I have that figured out already, don't worry," he told her with a grin. He brought her to the quiet coach. Using craft opened one of the booths for them as they approached and as he set her on the bench carefully it closed and locked. He added a shield to keep the door locked, from either side as well as an aural shield not knowing the booths are sound proofed. He started getting her laid out comfortably on the bench. He called in his spare clothes from his arrival kit and folded them into a pillow for her, tucking that under her head.

Fussing is a time honored tradition among Blood males and he has it down to am art.

He then would arrange her cloak as a blanket over her.

There's a tired, thankful smile.

It shouldn't be a surprise that as they walk, her head thumps against his shoulder. She's exhausted and tired and by the time she's settled the bench, Eva's not sure she wants him to go.

She should probably let him, but the child in her, the frightened 13 year old dredged up from the past, wants nothing more than to clutch at whatever human contact she can get right now.

She doesn't. She doesn't have the right to ask it of him.

"Thank you."

He nodded, brushed back some of her hair and kissed her forehead. "I'm going to grab a few things we'll need, but I'll leave the area shielded so that no one will bother you while I'm gone, alright?"

He missed Kaeles. Nothing said comforting to a fragile woman like a one ton Arcenian cat. At least, not in his experience.

He reminds her so much of her dad, and Eva would give anything to have the man here right now.

But he's not and that has to be fine. She will see him and her family and her boyfriend again. One day.

"Yeah... But, you don't have to- the cabins here are soundproof and I can't ask it of you. But I can't stop you either."

"You allowed me the right of fussing," he reminded her. "Any requests while I'm gone?" he asked, wishing he had some of his books with him.

There is along suffering sigh, but he's right. "As long as you don't turn out like Blue. But... decaf tea. Water. Not much else. I'm more likely to decide you'll make a good pillow for a while at least."

She is utterly serious.

"I've been worse things than a pillow for a friend." he walked through the shields and the doors. Without opening any of them first. He might not have his books, but he had seen a shelf that was more or less a lending library as near as he could tell. None of the titles looked familiar, so he grabbed a few that looked like novels and vanished them. He raided the kitchen, and his sleeper cabin and raided what he needed from there as well. A few other quick stops here and there to make sure he had all that he realistically could bring, he was once again thankful that he had his chess set and Cradle. He had a feeling they'd need some games. Besides, getting a woman ticked over chess could do wonders for her outlook. And, if Marian was any indication, her temper and aim. It took a lot to rile Marian, which of course meant he took a special pleasure in doing so from time to time.

He slipped back in the way he had left and called in a pillow. "Until you're ready to use me as one, this might be more comfortable than the clothes," he said, kneeling down and then if she doesn't stop him, he will lift her head to slide the pillow under.

By the time he comes back, she's half asleep, but cognizant enough to stop him.

If only because just a pillow is lonely and she's lost the battle against the child who wants whatever comfort she can glean.

"Your lap, and the pillow, and I'll be good for a nap."

And one that is fulfilled, she will settle. "Once I'm sleeping, stay for a few, then you can go. The shields too please. As much as I want company I- I need to settle. I'll be fine, I promise."

Mostly. She has a another reason, and it's because she doesn't want to start explaining things half awake and in a way that will make zero sense outside 'what the fuck is her life even'.

Spoilers: Fate's beloved play toy and Eva is not amused.

"Oh I'm here for a while. Three days, probably," he teased. "But alright. If you sit up, i'll settle in." Three days is usually the upper end a witch will let a male fuss, and he hasn't gotten to fuss since the last time he was there for his wife's moontime.

"Half an hour here, three days after I'm less likely to snap and put my foot in things, ok?. I-I understand it's um. Protocol? This?"

She's trying. She really is and it's the best she can do right now when she knows he means well, yet...

She feels on eggshells, she can't think straight and she can't call her counsellor and babble at her.

"I can't- I can't do more than that right now, because I'll start to babble and get angry and make no sense and you deserve better than that. I'm sorry."

He laughed a bit. "Better than denting my head. Karla growls threats to do that after the first day and only if she mostly sleeps till then," he said with a light chuckle. An indicator of banter between friends. "You'll rest and we'll take this as it comes, as long as you need, alright?" he said with a smile. And a twinkle in his eyes. Because he intends to be the one who decides how long that is...

There is so much she could say -she could dent his head, if she aimed well enough with an apple or rock, but she's not 13, he's not Satoru, and she's far better than that anyway that it'd be an egg she threw if anything at him-, but she settles on a sleepy:

"If you turn into Blue I will lock you in a cabin. Somehow. Karla? Your wife?"

"No. Karla is a friend. My wife is Morghann." He settled in so she could rest on his lap. He held out a hand and called in a flace of chilled fruit juice. "Here, this will help some," he offered. "Did you want me to tell you about Karla?" he asked with a grin.

She tries with the name. She really does. But- weird non-Kantan names are not on her mental to-do-list right now. "Morugan-dono better appreciate you... If she doesn't I'mma dunk her head in a toilet."

It's very much sleepy babbling protective friend-talk, even as she sips the juice. "Nah... Just. Stay until I sleep?"

[Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

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