[Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

[mtsilver_conquor]

Who: Eva + YOU!
What Nightmares and breaking points.
Where 3C, Kitchen, Game Car, and Quite Car.
When Night Egret 26
Warnings PTSD mentions, mentioned past death, blatant talk of what a realistic pokemon world's like.


Cabin 3C (Closed to Cabinmates- tag as you please thread.)
"NO-!" That is very much a strangled yell as Eva sits bolt upright, eyes wide as her heart pounds in her ears. "Not real-"

Because it's not. She knows what's happened. Nightmare. But that doesn't magically make the fact she's sweety go away, nor stop the ragged breaths, or the glances at cabin mates to check that yes, it was simply a rather bloody dream. They're still alive. Misa. Nerdanel. Feanor. Princess in his pokeball. They're alive. That means Peter. Kaito. Little One. Kaiba. The rest of the train.

The friends she's made and those she thinks of as family. They are alive and not dead or dying or hurt or hostages or or or-

This isn't Lavender Tower. Not Silph Co. This isn't that hysterical, blood and tear-stained night Fluffy came into her possession-

Hands clench blankets -sleeping bag- and knuckles go white. "There's blankets under me. Not rock..."

She curls up and tries to keep the sob from escaping. She really, really does. But she does anyway because under everything? she's scared and terrified and her mum isn't a teleport away.


OPEN: Kitchen or Game Car
a/ Kitchen
Somehow she manages to abscond to the kitchen.

Tea is good. Tea is the best at soothing nightmare shaken nerves, even if it's gone cold, and she's not really drinking it so much as she is staring at it, face blank and hollow. For all of Eva's optimism and generally sunny personality, she has been through hell and back and it shows.

She hates it.

Mostly, Eva's not sure how to handle this because her support network isn't here, and there are parts - many, many, many parts- of her world she's not comfortable with talking about with people who wouldn't understand.

"Four, grant me strength..."

b/ Game's Car
At some point, she leaves the kitchen with a thermos of tea, grabs one of the cloaks she burrowed (stole) from the aborted mission, and retreats into a beanbag. Princess is curled up on her lap, and Eva looks- Lost.

Lost, unsure. Not at all like her normal self. The quiet confidence she carries herself with is shattered for now. But, that doesn't stop her from trying to put a smile on her face should anyone approach her.

"Hey. Couldn't sleep too?"


Quiet carriage (Closed to Garret)
Eventually, though, Eva retreats to one of the quiet cabins, where she curls up in on herself. She has... a lot to think about. She'd been more open this night about the brutality of her world than she'd like.

She's not sure how to deal with it.

Thankfully, there's no more tears, but it doesn't mean she can't get lost in thoughts. Enough so that she jerks when the door opens. "Uh - Oh. Garret-san?"

She tried to offer him a smile, but honestly? she just looks tired. Tired and drained.

Comments

[themasterthief]

Garrett tilted his head to one side and gave her that mildly confused look again. "I don't understand what you mean."

[mtsilver_conquor]

"Do... do you know what shellshock... traumashock... is?"

She hopes he does, otherwise she's not sure how to explain.

[themasterthief]

He raised his brows. "You mean when people go into a stunned state when they see something shocking--usually something awful. Sure, I've seen the effects of trauma like that on people." Lots of dead people on the streets, especially during the plague. That didn't really bother him. It was sad, sure, but what did it have to do with right now?

[mtsilver_conquor]

"Sort of, but this is after the event - days, weeks, months years- when things -and it can be anything, really, remind you of it and trigger a... a flashback of sorts."

She sighs and curls up in on herself. "We call it PTSD."

[themasterthief]

Garrett considered that for a moment. "Is that why you're having trouble sleeping?"

[mtsilver_conquor]

And deflection time go! Must make sure he's ok first. Because it's easier and it's what leaders do. Look after everyone else first.

"This isn't about me. It's about you- You don't like being hugged. I... Sorry."

[themasterthief]

"You already said that," he announced with a bland, flat tone. "You don't need to apologize for being friendly. I don't have friends. I'll get used to it." He could, with time. Just because he didn't like to be touched didn't mean it did any harm to him. There wasn't a reason for it other than he liked distance and wasn't very personable.

"So. I asked if you wanted any of the other trinkets I found. You didn't answer," which would have been the easier route here. He blames Eva for this awkwardness, even if he was already awkward to begin with. "Which question would you prefer to answer?"

[mtsilver_conquor]

"I count you as a friend," she says, but she doesn't push it.

"I- Yes. To both." There's a weak smile but if he trusted her enough to cover up a murder, then she'll trust him with this. "The last mission triggered a nightmare. No. A- a memory from home. When I said your killing wasn't the worst I've seen, I meant it. The worst I've seen - lived through- was because of of a- a pokemon I still own."

Though, she didn't own Fluffy at the time... but details.

[themasterthief]

He made a face at her proclamation but it was hard to read. A flash of different emotions perhaps before it was gone.

Garrett shifted as she began to tell her tale. This was not the easy way out for her. Garrett wouldn't always understand people very well but he let her tell him anyway without interrupting. Once told it only piqued his curiosity. If she hadn't wanted more questions she wouldn't have started down the line, he reasoned.

"That little fluff ball is stronger than it looks," he began. He cocked his head again. "How many of them are there? Are they...common?" Had she mentioned something about collecting them in the past? He thought maybe he recalled that from somewhere. What was with the worlds that had crazy monsters running around for collecting? And Garrett thought Ryslig was bad. He hadn't known the half of it.

[mtsilver_conquor]

"He's one of the strongest in the world, but he's not the one who did that." There's no pride, just tired statement of fact.

"Fluffy is and she- Officially there are just over a thousand known species of pokemon. Unofficially, the count's maybe doubled. Her species is- her species was made to be weapons of mass destruction. Designed to surpass even the gods. They were -are- the strongest pokemon ever."

[themasterthief]

"...that sounds like a lot of deadly animals for one world." He thought maybe they were rather unique and rare, but it sounded like they were more common than he realized. Then it occurred to him. "...made? Not trained?"

[mtsilver_conquor]

"By everyone else's standards, probably. But it's home and it's life and somehow humans manage to survive while flanked on all sides by monsters." Again, statement of fact.

Just like the single, slight nod she gives, even as hands fist in the cloak and she wants to kick him out, to pretend she hasn't cracked open her deadliest, most horrific secret.

But she can't. And that terrifies her. "Made. And she's still a baby."

[themasterthief]

"I suppose." He had her there. Maybe his world wasn't the norm for amount of deadly creatures. Maybe places like Ryslig were more normal out in the grand scheme of things.

Garrett was a lot quieter after that. The silence reigned for a long moment as the thief tried to put that implication to thought proper. Ryslig, again, was his closest comparison to what she was telling him. He didn't know how one made a monster but he knew what it felt like. He had to take a moment. He closed his eyes and simply breathed for a moment.

He had to ask though. "How do you...make a...?"

[mtsilver_conquor]

"Experiments."

And that's all she'll say on the matter. "But she's not a monster. She's a pokemon, a living being. Sapient. Sentient. Living breathing feeling. I've raised her as best I can so she won't become what they wanted."

[themasterthief]

That didn't quite set his mind at ease. It didn't say enough to actually answer his question as far as he was concerned. What kind of experiments.

He tried to focus on what was on Eva's mind instead of his own. His problems were his own, he could figure them out on his own. Or at least deal with them later.

"Raised her... like a child?" Well, that had a lot of implications but the important part was Eva was the surrogate. That counted for a lot in Garrett's opinion. "Then what's your real concern? It sounds like she's fine, even if her creation wasn't all that normal or great to begin with."

And boy did Garrett know a lot about "not great to begin with" lives. He could name a few. (Including his own.)

[mtsilver_conquor]

"Sort of. A very, very murderous child with psychic powers who has killed more times than I can count..."

Just because the mewtwo is now 'tame' means nothing and Eva is painfully aware of that fact. "I met her -caught her- when she was taking people and pokemon apart. The blood from your kill was nothing compared to that day."

[themasterthief]

Okay then new opinion formed: that thing wasn't worth saving, kill it, kill it dead.

Garrett took a deep breath and let it out slow. He was not ready for this level of friendship. More to the point, he wasn't ready for this kind of heavy conversation.

The thief took a moment to collect his thoughts.

"...does it feel guilt for what it did?" Because in the end, that's what it came down to. Garrett's own hands weren't completely clean so he couldn't argue much about murder being irredeemable these days. But he tried his hardest to prevent it and felt guilty when he couldn't. That had to mean something.

[mtsilver_conquor]

Neither was Eva really, but here they are. It's a road they can't go back on.

As it is, the spluttered, disbelieving reply is instant. "Of course she does. She's not a machine! She's like you or I: alive. Sapient. far more than she was created to be. I worked my butt off to raise her and make sure she understands that killing without a very, very good reason is wrong."

[themasterthief]

"That doesn't mean she feels guilt, Eva." The thief pointed out. His voice remained calm, and he tried to be gentle as possible even if his rusted voice wasn't that good as conveying such.

He had no issue accepting the creature as sentient like she seemed to believe. But just because a person could think intelligently didn't mean they felt guilt or remorse for actions that hurt others. Especially if those emotions had long sense been bled out of them by others with no remorse of their own.

[mtsilver_conquor]

Just because she knows what he's trying to do doesn't mean she's no less disbelieving. "I share a psychic connection with her that's more empathy than telepathy. I know what she feels and she feels guilt. Believe me, I didn't know she felt guilt, I'd have locked her in her monsterball a long time ago."

As far as Eva knows or cares, this is the truth.

[themasterthief]

See, if she had led with that...

Garrett sighed in relief. If he couldn't trust Eva to tell him the truth then he didn't know who he could trust at all. He accepted her explanation this time and didn't question the physic stuff. He sort of understood that. And if it was real in her world then that was good enough for him.

"That's better. It's one thing to have proof, another to just want to believe in something no matter what the signs point to."

[mtsilver_conquor]

"Yeah. I still wouldn't her on the train though- easier for everyone."

Her smile is tired and bitter and experienced. "I need you to promise me you won't breathe a word of this to anyone. Please. The other's wouldn't understand and it'd likely be worse here than it could ever be back home."

[themasterthief]

Garrett closed his eyes with the nod that came. For that brief moment he looked his age--old and worn from long experience. He knew what it would be like to be the monster in the crowd.

Things were pleasant here. People were ridiculously accepting. But Ryslig had never been like that. Only the fellow monsters understood each other.

What would it be like to go home and forget all this?

A question for another time. Garrett opened his eyes to look at Eva as he spoke. "Of course. I wouldn't dream of it." The words may have sounded casual but his tone indicated he was serious. He would keep this promise. He owed her, but more than that, he wasn't much for sharing secrets.

[mtsilver_conquor]

"Thank you." There's naked relief in the words and some of the tension she'd been unknowingly holding in bleeds out.

"A...anyway, you said you had other options, if I wanted to see them? For the jewellery?"

[themasterthief]

"Right." Garrett slid back down the wall and onto the seat he had left. He began to pull pieces out of hidden pockets in his dark clothing. "Some of them aren't...the richest things but I thought," normal people liked normal things, "a little variety couldn't hurt."

Most of the jewelry was made from metal. There were some cheaper copper pieces that had been in abundance from a less modern world but also a couple of silver and one gold with green little gems dotting it. Most were in leaf or floral patterns like Eva had requested. A few were just standard bracelet patterns.

He held out the selection to Eva for inspection. She could take as many or all of them that she wanted. Whatever he had stolen for himself was not here; this was all meant for her or other passengers.