voidtreckerexpress | (open) i don't know how to word it

Entry tags:

(open) i don't know how to word it

Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.

( scenario a - sleeper carriages )

Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.

But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.

"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"

That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.

It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.

( scenario b - luggage carriage )

Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.

As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.

But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.

Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.

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Prompto didn't usually go back to the luggage carriage. He didn't see the point. All the fun stuff were in other cars and that included people. Unfortunately today, all the other cars were missing the one person he was looking for. He was feeling shaken and sad by his own loss but that had been shoved aside when he spotted the other person who's name was now gold- Yuki.

He scrunches his nose as he walks into the room. Why does it always have to stink back here? Ick. However, his ears catch the soft sounds he'd been afraid of hearing. Turning he saw Inigo on the suitcases looking devastated and small. He climbed up onto the suitcase pile and plopped down next to him.

He doesn't ask, but just puts an arm around his shoulders.

All Rapunzeldid was simply sit there at the start, letting him say whatever it was he wanted and not judging. Why should she? As she said it was okay to be sad, though her only experience with sadness was whenever she asked to go outside and was always told no.

This was a different kind of sadness and something the young woman was still learning about. After a moment though she moved her arm to wrap it around him. It seems as though people do this when sad at least.

"I understand, but for not you Sad Inigo and that is okay." Pat. Pat on the back lightly. That was an okay thing to do to be comforting, right?

If only such a thing were possible. Then again, even if it was, there's just no way Inigo would allow anyone to take his pain upon themselves. That's the very reason he's so obsessed with bearing everything all by himself, after all - if he has to suffer so others won't, then that's fine by him. And if he needs to cry all by himself in order to not make anyone worry about him or feel bad, then he'll do just that.

So by all measures, he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be crying like this, leaning against Taiki. He'll just make the other worried - he might just draw forth that sad look he's seen in Taiki's eyes way too often. But he just can't stop. The pain is too much, and it keeps him from being able to stop now he's started.

He draws in a shakey breath, trying to regain enough air in his lungs to actually speak, although it's with a choked up voice.

"He turned me down."

He figures Taiki must know Yuki is gone. Anyone can look at the list of passengers, after all, and it's not like he's bothering to question why Inigo is crying. But this is the part that the other doesn't know - can't know, since it was something just between him and Yuki.

"He turned me down, and.. n-now he's gone. Maybe he left since he didn't want to be anywhere near me anymore."

There's a moment of regret and surprise on Inigo's face as she mentions the part about not sleeping well, as if he was really hoping no one would notice. There's even a quick rub at the area under his eyes, as if that might instantly brighten up his face. (It doesn't.)

"Ah.. Really?" His brain is working overtime to try and find a good excuse.. Maybe it'll work if he makes it seem like a general rather than a personal problem? "W.. Well, I'm sure most of us have been having a rather rough time lately, hm? With the whole mess with the languages, and so many people seeming to vanish lately.."

Unfortunately, his comment had the opposite effect, as her brow creased in worry. "Did...someone you know vanish?"

If there's anything that's appreciated about the way Tidus is handling this, it's the fact that he's not looking at Inigo. It feels a lot easier to not be super hard on himself for letting someone witness his tears when said person is at least not literally seeing them. So even though the situation may still be a little awkward and mostly very, very painful, it's not as awkward as it could be.

He sucks in a deep, shakey breath, unsure of what to say. There's nothing that could make this better and he knows it.

And when his brain can't think of what to say, of course the first stupid thing that comes to mind sneaks right out as Inigo buries his hands in his hair.

"Yuki actually turned me down. A while ago, back at the party. And now he disappeared."

Guess that makes two of them with awkward situations in that department, huh.

It's painful to hear, both the tears and Inigo's confession. The hand resting on his leg curls into a fist, his features tightening as the frustration of it sinks in. When Inigo was already unsure where he and his boyfriend stood, and then, now, the guy had disappeared. And why? What was the point of anything that happened on this damn train?

"It's not your fault," he says, a heat in his throat with the force he says it with. "If he's disappeared...there's a chance he'll come back, right? It happens. You'll get to talk when he comes back."

"Oh.. Yes, of course I should be able to."

And while it's at first easy to assume it's just false bravado or him pretending to be okay, when Inigo gently wiggles himself out of Gladio's grip and manages to stand up, he does look to be firmly standing on two legs. He may be an emotional wreck, but you don't experience battle for years on end without being able to quickly recover from things physically. He might end up with a headache, but-- fine, whatever, he can deal with that. It's not nearly as bad as his emotional problems.

Problems which he is still firmly trying to shove under the rug here.

"Really, this much is nothing. Not like a single door could beat me!"

He seems to hesitate. It's obvious just from the look in Inigo's eyes. For a moment it even seems hard for the boy to hold Curufin's gaze - instead his own gaze slides slightly off to the side as he thinks.

"I mean.. There isn't really anything to keep confidential here." Anyone can check the passenger list and see who's gone, after all. And it's not like Inigo has kept his relationship under wraps. He's told enough people about Yuki. Most people could probably put the pieces together, though he was planning on trying to smile it off and tell everyone he was fine.

Guess that turned out to be impossible. The pain is just too strong.

So after weighing his options as to whether tell Curufin or not, he just gives in. His gaze drops down, still avoiding the other's, but at least he says:

"Yuki is gone. I really loved him, but he seemed to reject me back during the party. I guess he couldn't even stand being on the same train as me."

For a moment Inigo is so caught up in his own tears that he misses all the telltale sounds. The door to the carriage opening, the footsteps, the sounds of the suitcases being moved slightly as Prompto climbs over them. It's only when there's that sudden touch of the arm on his shoulders that Inigo realises he's no longer alone.

His head snaps up in surprise, the tearstreaks on his cheeks now clearly visible - and they're not fully dry yet either, considering tears are still rolling down there even as he stares at Prompto in surprise.

For a moment he almost looks horrified. This isn't the kind of face he wants to show to anyone. Especially not to Prompto, who seems so cheerful and fun all the time. The least Inigo should do is match that, not look like the miserable wreck he feels like right now.

But he can't stop. Now he's started crying and the tear dam is broken, the tears just keep on coming, no matter what he does. He can't hide this right now.

The realisation has him quickly shoving his hands in front of his face, sobbing into them instead. His voice sounds choked up when he manages to speak.

"Why are you here..?"

Prompto wasn't looking cheerful and fun right now. There was a frown on his face and a hurt look in his eyes. When Inigo turned his head to finally see him, Prompto's eyes were starting to get misty. It wasn't completely sympathy tears, even though some of it was. How couldn't he cry seeing so much hurt and pain in such a sweet man? Some of it though, was his own hurt.

So with a sniffle and rubbing his eyes with the back of his free hand, he tried for a small smile. "Because I'm your friend, dude. We're friends." His gaze dropped to his knees where they were dangling over the side of the suitcase. His bottom lip quivered and he cleared his throat. "Iggy's gone too." He knew it wasn't the same as if Gladio or Noct or, the Six forbid!, both. But pain was pain and he was feeling it and Inigo was his friend so he was allowed to share it. That was part of the job of being a bro.

Loosening his arms was the easy part. Waiting for Inigo to stand and watching him carefully for any hint that he wasn't okay without seeming like he was doing it, was the hard part.

Gladio pushed himself up to his feet and smiled once he was sure that the kid wasn't about to fall over or something. He smiled and looked at the door, then at Inigo and raised his brows.

"Depends on how many times you go and fight with it." A pause. "You gonna tell me what's up now?"

Taiki just continued holding him. There was indeed a sad look in his eyes, how could there not be when Inigo was in such pain. Anyone in such pain would bring him sorrow but Inigo was so kind and gentle.

Which was why the next words were a shock. He had thought he knew why Inigo was upset, his boyfriend vanishing must have been a shock and there was always the fear, would he wake up one day in a suitcase or would he walk away from the platform next time they stopped?

But this... He had turned Inigo down? Why? How could he do such a thing?

"Inigo..." He hugged him tighter, "I'm sure that's not true. Who wouldn't want to be near you?"

The touch seems to be alright. Inigo doesn't try to stop her, at least, nor does he really shy away from the touch - although that might be slightly hard to do, sitting on top of the suitcases like this. He's probably just fall off if he tried to move away from Rapunzel.

But no matter whether that's the reason for it or not, he doesn't move. Inigo just passively accepts the comfort, even though it doesn't seem to make him look much better just yet. The hurt runs too deep for him to cheer up so easily.

"I don't like sad Inigo," he quietly admits to her. Apparently it's a hard thing to say, since he doesn't look at Rapunzel as he says it, instead just staring out in front of him. "I'm at my best when I'm cheering others up. That's the one thing I'm great at."

Or, well, it's the one thing he genuinely believes he's great at outside of his usual fake bravado.

"I can't do that while I'm like this. I'll just make others feel bad too."

Dangit, why did Kitty have to zoom in on the second part rather than the first? Sure, he was genuinely upset about the languages thing too, but that'd be much easier to play off than the latter subject is.

Is he still going to try though? Of course. In for a penny, in for a pound.

"Yes, actually." He figures lying about this won't do much good, so he might as well tell the truth and act like he's not that affected by it. He tries to speak as casually as he can, forcing a smile up on his face. "My boyfriend isn't here right now. His name turned gold on the passenger list."

"There's a chance," he admits, his voice still a little broken as he says it.

Because he doesn't really believe it. Sure, there's technically a chance, but it doesn't feel like things ever work out that way for him. For some reason it's like he can already sense that he's for sure going to have to watch Yuki's unresponsive retreating back on the day they arrive at the next platform.

"But even then, I.." His voice trails off, and Inigo shakes his head before uselessly attempting to wipe some more tears away. "I don't think he likes me anymore. I'm pretty sure he realised I'm not all that great."

"That's not true," Tidus rejects before it can even sit in the air between them, be allowed a place in their conversation. "Did he say that? What happened between the two of you? You...proposed? And then what?"

There's more to these tears, but that apparent proposal--was it a proposal? Tidus can't imagine it being anything else, when they were already together--was as much a part of this as all the rest. And at least there, with the doubt and the self-deprecation that comes from that-- Tidus can address that. Try and give the comfort Inigo probably thinks he doesn't deserve, but does.

But the train up and taking his guy--that, he can't do anything about.

She took in a small breath. "Oh...I'm so sorry." There was no use asking if he was all right, because he clearly wasn't.

"...Do...you want some company right now?" She wouldn't mind staying with him a while if he wanted. But she could also understand if he just wanted to be alone right now.

That right there is exactly the problem. Sharing pain is just not something Inigo does with friends. Not because he doesn't trust them - he trusts Prompto for sure - but because he never wants to unload his pain onto others. He just can't. Inigo spent years and years surrounded by people who were suffering just as much as him, if not worse, and so he had to be the one to be able to suck it up and keep things together for everyone's sake. He had to learn how to smile in every situation. Which is exactly why he's here in a corner of the train to begin with. He was hoping to unload this all somewhere no one would find him, so he could return and smile with everyone again, no matter how much his heart ached on the inside.

Clearly that plan has failed though, and trying to hide it is a ship that has long sailed now Prompto is on to him. Inigo sucks in a deep breath. Maybe he can still salvage this if Prompto is clearly having a problem as well. He furiously rubs at his face to wipe away the tears, trying so hard to mentally will his crying to stop. Just don't think about Yuki. Don't think about how the endless stream of rejection just keeps going. Focus on Prompto for now. He can do it. Prompto's the one who deserves and needs some comfort and support right now.

".. I'm so sorry." His voice is weaker than usually still, though less choked now. "Of course that's got to be really rough for you, even if you'll see him again back home. At least you've still got the other guys, right?"

Inigo looks weirdly confident for a moment. Especially when Gladio smiles - because it makes Inigo feel like he might just get away with his dumb action. Maybe he can just let Gladio chalk it up to this apparently being typical dumb Inigo behaviour. He'd rather seem like an idiot than like someone who - gasp! - might actually be sad at times. The horror.

But all that confidence and faith is shot down the moment Gladio keeps on talking. It's like someone put a pin into Inigo and deflated him. Even his shoulders lower a little when he hears that last part.

"It's.." Nothing, he wants to say, but something about Gladio makes him feel like there's no way he's going to get away with that. The big guy is onto him.

Okay, different strategy. What if he tells him, but just acts like he's okay with it? Maybe he could get away with that? It's harder for sure, since he feels a pit in his stomach the moment he breaches this topic, but he has to try.

"Well, my boyfriend's name turned gold on the passenger list this morning." Phew. At least he manages to say it casually, despite the fact he can feel everything inside of him shrivel up at the words.

Something about those words seems to make him laugh. Not an actual laugh, of course - there's no way he could laugh in a situation like this. It's more air than sound, just the most vague shadow of a laugh at the irony of that exact question before he sniffs and some more tears escape.

".. I guess you wouldn't see it. You're so sweet." That's just an objective fact. Taiki is so soft and gentle, of course he'd assume the best out of Inigo, even if the opposite is very clear. That sounds like Taiki alright. "Most people don't like me as easily as you do, you know.."

It's hard talking about this. It feels too much like exposing a weakness he doesn't want to expose - because he doesn't want to show Taiki his pain. He doesn't want to make the other feel bad, but he keeps on speaking before he can really think about what he's saying.

"I've been rejected so many times. Girls hit me. Friends tell me to go away. That's just.. just how it always goes."

That's why it's easier to play the clown. It's easier to act like the rejection doesn't get to him, even when it does.

"I thought like a complete idiot that this would be different for some reason."

He listened even though his heart broke even more. Because who could do such a thing to someone like Inigo?

He understands those who had hurt him on earth. Those that pushed him away, beat him up. He understood why they would do it to him, he was a cursed child. Not a human. Not like them at all. But Inigo? Inigo was sweet and kind and no one should reject him.

His arms wrapped tighter around him.

"It's not how it should go. If people hurt you then it says what they are like as people, and nothing about you. I'm sorry you were hurt so many times... I know it hurts when no one wants you, when people hit and push you away. It hurts a lot. But..."

He is silent for a moment, though the intensity of his hug doesn't change. "It's not just me who likes you. I know... I might not count." He's aware that as a kirin he is more likely to see the best in people. He doesn't see it as a problem, but he can understand where Inigo is coming from, when he can't trust Taiki's judgement.

"Lord Gyousou likes you as well. He wouldn't like you if you weren't a person worth liking."

He knows Gyousou's judgement has been wrong before. He knows it only too well. But this time he is certain it is not.

Is Inigo looking hunted better than him looking depressed? She can't decide. Instead, she adjusts her grip to be more comfortable for both of them. Here's where her training as security personnel shines, because short of wrestling her, he's not getting out.

Unfortunately for him, it's the perfect storm of the fact that she was there for his embarrassing declaration of adoration for Yuki Sohma, along with her checking the roster daily. She doesn't want to hurt him, but she also doesn't want to watch him pretend everything's fine.

"And your boyfriend up and vanishing has nothing to do with it?"

She might be wrong, and she's ready to apologise if she is.

It feels like a punch to the gut.

Not that he blames Lightning. No, if anything, it's.. actually oddly nice on her part. After all, she put those puzzle pieces together without him mentioning anything about it. And if she knew that, she must have come here since she was actually worried about him. Knowing people worry about him is.. a weird feeling, for sure, but he has no time to wrestle with it or really think it over when he has to provide a reply in this situation and he has no idea what the hell it's supposed to be.

He could tell the truth, but it'd be painful. And he might just drag her mood down along with his own, which is what he's desperately trying to avoid here. Or he could lie, but he's pretty sure she'd catch onto the truth anyway. It feels like a game where he can only lose.

His gaze shifts, unable to hold hers, and for a moment he looks smaller than he actually is.

"So you saw, huh." There's a hint of resignation in his voice. He can't talk his way out of this one anymore, although he can try to maybe make it seem less bad than it is. "I.. Well. It's quite alright, really." No, it's not. "He already rejected me. So I suppose it's much better for him to not be here, where he constantly has to see my face."

Proposed. Sweet Naga, Tidus just has to hit the painful nail right on the head, doesn't he. It's obvious how spot on he is too, because Inigo looks even more pained and embarrassed when he hears that word, nervously running his hand through his hair so fast that he's practically just ruffling it.

"It.. wasn't really a proposal.. Naga knows I would've done something bigger for that. But I.. I suppose it was slightly like that in spirit.." Honestly, it was him promising himself to Yuki into the future, so it was practically the same thing, huh. He feels like an even bigger idiot looking back on it now. "I had already told him before that I'd just come over to his world to live there with him as soon as I would have finished up some matters back home." He speaks slowly, if not just because recalling what exactly happened at the party is just painful.

"I'm not quite sure why, but he suddenly asked me if I could spend a month in his world before going back to my own.. And I was.. I was slightly hesitant about it, I suppose, since I am worried about the state of some things back in my own world, but I still agreed to do it as long as it'd make him happy. But then he.."

Inigo's voice trails off, and he shakes his head before burying it in his hands again. It makes the next part a bit more muffled, but still audible.

"He suddenly got all quiet.. And no matter what I said to reassure him, he told me to forget all about it. And then he just left."

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(open) i don't know how to word it

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