voidtreckerexpress | (open) i don't know how to word it

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(open) i don't know how to word it

Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.

( scenario a - sleeper carriages )

Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.

But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.

"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"

That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.

It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.

( scenario b - luggage carriage )

Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.

As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.

But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.

Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.

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"Well..." she says slowly, "that's why it's good to take the time to cry when you do have some."

Times such as now, for instance.

"You'd be surprised by how much it can help to just let it all out."

He thought it'd be easier for Inigo to talk about something he knew well. And his home was something Gladio was curious about. He liked hearing about the places friends had come from. And so far he knew limited info on where Inigo was actually from.

But at his brief description, Gladio couldn't help grin. "Love open spaces. So no cars or anything? Just... what? Ride on the back of a domesticated beast?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

Even as Tidus agrees and stands up, Inigo just stares at him for another moment, not quite making the same motion yet himself. His brain needs that another moment to catch up with the current situation. Even with Tidus half-offering it himself, rejection is so ingrained in Inigo's brain that he honestly expected the other to back out somehow. Or to call him out on how ridiculous his request is.

And yet Tidus doesn't. He just says alright. Sure, he looks a little muted compared to the way he usually acts, but he doesn't seem angry. Or like he's making fun of him.

Inigo feels the water in his eyes now forming tears that properly roll down his cheeks, but he doesn't do something about it right away. Instead he takes his time standing up as well, looking at Tidus for another moment before realising he ought to wipe the tears away if they're going to have to make their way out of here and to Inigo's cabin. It's only then that his hand moves up to his face while speaking.

".. Thank you. This.. really means a lot to me."

He nods his head simply. The vulnerability before him is strange to behold, nothing Tidus expected to witness out of Inigo--perhaps nobody on board, except maybe some of the younger kids. He doesn't know what to say to it, so he says nothing, pulling his lip in the ghost of reassurance, nodding his head, and turning to head towards the doors for want of nothing else to do.

But his slow pace slows more, coming to a stop before he reaches them. His head hanging, and a voice in his throat after all. Some need to speak, as if otherwise would be deceitful. Some kind of honesty he wants to share, even if he can't do it in front of Inigo's crying face.

He doesn't know if this is the time or place--other than it's there, slipping out before he can think twice.

"Someone disappeared, where I came from. They faded away in front of everyone they knew, and...the person that loved them. They couldn't comfort them. They slipped right through him, and all he could do was...pretend to hold her."

And he feels as hollow now, recounting it. Holding out a hand without looking to anyone to take it.

"I'll be here... as long as I can be."

Prompto knew when he was being humored. He may act like a clueless goofball at times, but he was much better at reading people than some would expect. He didn't really think he'd convince Inigo in one try that he shouldn't put so much pressure on himself. It hadn't worked on Noct and he'd been trying for years.

He wasn't sure what else to say or do to convince him, but it was nice there was a chance to distract him for a while at least with talking about the royal guard.

"Um.. the Crownsguard are part of the royal guard, but we get special gifts from our king. He shares his magic with us. You know how I can make my camera and my guns vanish when I want them to? That's the magic we get from our king. He selects which weapon we share with him and then that's what we train with til we're experts at it." He thought he was explaining this right. "It's the king's job to protect the kingdom and our job to protect him. So.. I guess the question is, who was there to help you when you needed it?"

"Okay... Okay... talking... Got it." While she had asked, she soon realised she just hadn't really thought about what to actually talk about. So now the young woman was trying her best to think things over in her head for subjects that might be good.

So far not a lot came to mind, but soon she thought of something.

"So um... do you think that we'll ever have more things on the train? Like carriages?" Okay not the best subject, but it was the only thing she could think of right off the bat.

Oh, sure. Inigo is no stranger to crying. If anything, maybe he cries a little too much. But right now? In front of Kitty? There's no way he could do that. Whatever first impression he managed to give her of him would be totally ruined, he's sure.

"Are you sure that would help?" His expression turns a little wry.

He frowns a little at the mention of cars, like he really has to wreck his brain as to what those are again.. He's thankful for all the casual lessons about modern things he's been getting just slipped into conversations, but sometimes it's really hard to keep all these new words apart.

It's not too important though (although it does have the nice benefit of luring Inigo's thoughts away from sad matters), so he just shakes his head and answers.

"We have carts pulled by animals for groups.. but some people do get around on horses, yes. Or pegasi and wyverns, though those are more common in battle than just to get around. I usually just walk everywhere." Not like there were many places to go to in the future anyway, after all..

She smiles gently, giving his arm a light squeeze. "Usually helps me," she says.

She can understand not wanting to cry in front of someone, though. She'd gotten to trying to save her tears for when she was alone.

"It doesn't have to be now, though. It can be whenever you're comfortable."

Hopefully he can catch her meaning though, that if he ever did feel like it, she wouldn't mind being a shoulder to cry on.

Inigo is about to follow Tidus, but then is stopped right in his tracks by those words. It's not something he expected the other to say right now.. but then again, hasn't he already been caught by surprise by Tidus' offer? Maybe this is just the point from which everything is going to be surprising.

Maybe it's since Inigo is already emotional as hell right now, but those words tug heavily at his heartstrings anyway, despite knowing nothing else about the situation Tidus is talking about. But it's just something about Tidus saying it.. It has to be about himself, right? Or at least a situation he was close to.

After ensuring that there's no longer any tears on his face - though his eyes are still red from crying, but there's not much he can do about that - Inigo finally steps forward until he's next to the other guy rather than staring at Tidus' back, and before the other can say or do anything, Inigo grabs a hold of his hand, firmly holding it in his own.

"That's right."

Despite everything, despite the way his heart still aches right now.. Inigo manages a smile. And it's not forced, not the kind he puts up to pretend he's okay when he isn't. The pain is still evident in this one anyway, so it'd be the lamest possible coverup. But despite the pain in it, it's genuine. There's something glad about it, or at the very least grateful.

"I mean.. we're basically best buds now." Surely you qualify for that after seeing each other get stupidly emotional and then going off to nap together, right? "And it's not like there's anything out there that can separate those. Not even a dumb train."

Tidus doesn't have the strength for it--if that what it is, this aversion to turn and look Inigo in the face, to acknowledge his presence beside him. But he doesn't reconsider the hand, though his grip is nothing at first, just one held in another.

But when Inigo speaks his reassurance, his belief--Tidus laughs lightly, short and fond. A tug of his lips that could be a smile, his eyes closing for the dip of his head that might be a nod. There and then gone, and then Tidus squeezes Inigo's hand.

"Yeah. The people who meant something to you...they're always with you."

He allows a pause of air with those words, but then he's moving, though not with any particular rush; a "C'mon" and his free hand pressing on the button to slide open the door, the humming of the void outside a whisper to the ears in the space between the cars.

Inigo's got a room to get them to, even if Tidus will take the lead on getting them going.

"You meet my expectations." He far exceeds them honestly. Inigo is brave, he's a warrior. He's funny and confident and yet somehow he finds it in his heart to be kind to such a useless creature such as Taiki. Taiki will never understand why.

He knows he is not the only person who will feel such about Inigo. He is a hardworking, dedicated man. No one can dispute that he is trying his hardest in this strange place they have found themselves in.

"You more than meet them. I am very lucky to know you."

That's a rather nice set-up they've got there. Inigo isn't sure if he'd like it for himself - after all, he really does never like it too much when his whole being a prince thing is being emphasized - but it makes them sound close. Connected. That is something he kind of likes the sound of.

He thinks on it for a moment before being pulled straight out of his thoughts by Prompto's question, making him glance sideways at the other.

"I.. Well. I travel around with my friends to try and set things right."

But it's different. Sure, he laughs with them, and fools around with them, but he's never asked Brady to heal his wounds even when they were pretty deep. He never called for help even when he really needed it in battle if it seemed like it'd inconvenience any of the others.

He knows they would have helped if he asked. That it's all on him. But he just-- he just couldn't. He couldn't add himself onto their load of burdens.

"But I don't think it's quite like how you do it."

Don't worry. Now of all times Inigo sure isn't going to be picky of Rapunzel's choice of subject - especially since he asked her to talk about anything at all. Anything is better than thinking about Yuki right now. It'll just spend him straight down the bad thoughts spiral.

Rapunzel starting about carriages of all things does, however, bring a very wry smile to his lips. It's just amusing how she picked that..

He sucks in a breath, willing his tone to sound a bit more normal when he speaks up.

"Of course. They do seem to add a carriage just about every time we stop at a platform, after all." Although it does make one wonder how long the train could get.. ".. Why, is there anything in particular you're hoping for?"

At first he doesn't seem to get it.

But then he glances over at her, staring silently, and then it's like the implication hidden under those words slowly seems to hit him. Inigo's eyes widen a little in surprise, but then his expression returns to more of a sad look, but now with something oddly fond in it.

".. Thank you, Kitty."

He has to really put some effort into making sure his voice doesn't sound all choked up.

"You're a really good person. Do you know that? I mean, you don't even know me that well, yet you're already here for me."

On the one hand, these kinds of words are expected from Taiki. He's so sweet. Would he have told anyone else anything else in this sort of situation? Surely he would have told them the same. It's tempting for Inigo's brain to see them that way. It's easier than accepting the thought that Taiki might really somehow genuinely think the world of him.

But then there are those last few words, and those just hit him straight in the weak spot. He recalls many people having told him before that anyone would be lucky to date him - although those are rather ironic now, considering how everything turned out - and now Taiki is saying he's lucky just to know him.

Inigo just straight up buries his face against Taiki's shoulder as he starts crying again. Audibly so. It's just too much, too overwhelming that anyone at all could consider themselves lucky to know him.

When he finally raises his face again a moment later, he fiercely shakes it, the tears still in his eyes and on his cheeks.

But it's not shaking it in total refusal of what Taiki is saying. He's trying to accept the compliment. No, instead it's just--

"I am lucky to know you, Taiki. I.. I genuinely don't know what I would have done if you weren't here right now." Probably just stayed here and cried by himself for the rest of the day before pretending to be okay to everyone while eating dinner, rather than letting it all out like this with someone to hold him. "My life has become brighter just with you in it, so.. I.. I know you will have to leave eventually, but.. at least say goodbye to me before then, okay..?"

He doesn't think he could take seeing Taiki walk away without any warning, just like Yuki. He won't hold Taiki back from anything important he might have to do back home, but at least if there's a goodbye, Inigo can keep the hope alive that one day he could just use the Outrealm Gate to come visit his friend again.

She appreciates that he's sticking around more than he knows. Etro knows she would've scarpered long before this. Probably broken something trying it, too.

"So, basically, a misunderstanding." Her flippancy melts away, until only the concern remains. He really does look terrible; she wishes she knew what to say to make it right. But what he needs is to resolve things with Yuki, and... well, that choice has been taken from him.

They've only been apart for a moment, but her hands raise of their own accord, back to his shoulders. She keeps her touch light, and not restricting. "Inigo, I'm sorry. You don't deserve to have this happen to you."

"Ah, so like that, huh?" Gladio nodded slowly. There was a time, way back when in his own worlds history, where there hadn't been technology and they would use beasts of burden to take them from place to place in carriages and carts.

"... You used wyverns in battle?" Gladio asked, surprised. "... We just kill em back home. They're pests more than anything. Attack anything and anyone in range."

A faint blush colors her cheeks, but she still smiles. "I mean, I try to be," she admits. There are certainly times when it's easier to be than others. "But everyone needs a friend, right?"

He feels a bit guilty that his words made Inigo cry like that, but he just holds him again, letting him cry until he calms. Inigo is in a lot of pain, and if this is all Taiki can do to help then he doesn't mind holding Inigo all day.

The words twist in his heart though. He is glad he has brought happiness to Inigo, but he doesn't think he deserves praise for it. He hasn't done anything. Even now with Inigo sobbing in his arms he can't do more than hold him, try and take some of that pain away.

He doesn't want to think about leaving, about anyone leaving. He doesn't want to be here. Or rather he can't be here. He needs to be in Tai. He and Gyousou need to return, to put things right. But leaving here... That is no guarantee they will return to Tai.

And even then... What Inigo is asking is impossible. For all Taiki knows people don't know when they will leave. He doesn't want to hurt Inigo, but nor will he lie to him.

"If it is within my power, I will never leave you without saying goodbye." He finally said, softly into Inigo's hair.

Deserve.

If there's any word Inigo has ever had difficulty with, it's that one. He kind of wants to shrink away under those hands on his shoulders. Or let the ground swallow him up or something. What does he deserve? He has no idea. He's getting so used to the idea of rejection that it feels like maybe that's just what he deserves at this point. For being a disappointment.

But for as much as he's already laid bare here, he doesn't want to add that to it. Not right now. So rather than verbally dismissing it, he manages to give Lightning a look that's half-surprise, half-sad.

"Thank you. That's.. kind of you to say." Though difficult to deal with. "I'm sure I'll be fine in time, so.. no need to worry about me."

"You kill them?" Inigo seems similarly surprised. If not moreso. Sure, he knows wyverns are dangerous. And maybe under different circumstances he might have felt similarly about it, but it just feels weird to hear that being discussed so casually when one of his friends is attached to a wyvern like it's an actual family member.

At least it means his thoughts are dragged far away from Yuki for a moment. It feels like the first time in days.

"You can tame them if you try, you know. At least in our world. It's not all that rare for people to fly around on them."

She tilted her head slightly, hand going to scratch behind the ear briefly as she thought over the question.

There was at least one thing, but at the same time she didn't really know what else could be added and would be a fun little thing to add.

"honestly, I just want an art area but...I would also like a lot more for people to do in general considering the amount of space we do get. It's bigger than the tower, but I know full well how bored one can get and you end up just finding little things to do."

Considering how quickly she could get through things, she did a lot within a day because of it.

"I guess that's how you make your own fun and be creative when you run out of things to do though."

"Yes," he slowly admits. ".. Everyone does."

As much as Inigo likes to pretend he's okay no matter what, even if he's by himself, he knows that's not the truth. He would completely collapse without friends by his side. Especially in a situation like this, where someone so important to him is most likely about to leave.

"So I'm taking that as you saying you don't mind having an extra one here on this train?" It's the most roundabout way possible to ask to be friends, sure, but Inigo is trying to keep the tone light here. If not just so he doesn't start crying on the spot all the same.

"You really couldn't tell an obvious lie just to make me feel a bit better, huh..?"

He's trying really hard to make it sound like a joke as he lifts up his face to look at Taiki, but it's hard to pull off jokes when he's been crying so hard. Even now his voice sounds choked, the tears still visible on his cheeks. At least it doesn't sound accusatory in the slightest - it's so much like Taiki to be realistic, even at a moment like this. Even when Inigo just really wants someone to pat his hair and tell him everything is going to be fine, even though nothing is ever fine. Nothing has been fine for years.

".. Thank you, though." He means that. "Even just that already means a lot to me. That you wouldn't willingly abandon me without a word."

Because even while logic dictates that it's not what Yuki did, or will do if Inigo watches him walk off the platform.. It still feels a little like it in the parts of his heart that have been weakened by constant rejection.

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(open) i don't know how to word it

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this tag is so long I'M SO SORRY

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