voidtreckerexpress | (open) i don't know how to word it

Entry tags:

(open) i don't know how to word it

Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.

( scenario a - sleeper carriages )

Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.

But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.

"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"

That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.

It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.

( scenario b - luggage carriage )

Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.

As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.

But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.

Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Ah, so like that, huh?" Gladio nodded slowly. There was a time, way back when in his own worlds history, where there hadn't been technology and they would use beasts of burden to take them from place to place in carriages and carts.

"... You used wyverns in battle?" Gladio asked, surprised. "... We just kill em back home. They're pests more than anything. Attack anything and anyone in range."

"You kill them?" Inigo seems similarly surprised. If not moreso. Sure, he knows wyverns are dangerous. And maybe under different circumstances he might have felt similarly about it, but it just feels weird to hear that being discussed so casually when one of his friends is attached to a wyvern like it's an actual family member.

At least it means his thoughts are dragged far away from Yuki for a moment. It feels like the first time in days.

"You can tame them if you try, you know. At least in our world. It's not all that rare for people to fly around on them."

"Well, when you're attacked by them, what else can you do?" Gladio asked with a shrug. He generally didn't like to attack or kill anything that was harmless. Like chocobos!

"... Not on our world. Can't be tamed as far as I know. But that'd be a hell of a nice way to get around. We just have chocobo's back home and they can't exactly fly." They could flutter and glide when they jump, but it wasn't the same as flying.

He lets out a breath. It sounds just very slightly wry.

"Yes, Prompto did tell me all about those.." It's kind of hard to avoid the Chocobo lecture ramble when you're friends with Prompto. Especially when you confess to knowing nothing about the creatures. Inigo may have learned more about them than he'd ever care to...

"I'd say perhaps one day you could experience it yourself, but so far it doesn't seem like the train prefers to take us to worlds where they exist, let alone a world where they are tamed. Honestly, I still can't believe that our time in the one world that felt familiar to me was the one time the mission got cut short."

Can't they get another medieval world to make up for it? Please? Inigo could really use that, especially now he feels all sad and awkward with Yuki's disappearance. It's the least the train can do to make it up to him.

"Prompto would." He rolled his eyes, but there was great affection in his tone. Prompto loved any chance he could get to talk about chocobo's. And when he met someone who had no idea what they were, it was even better for him. He'd talk for hours if he was able. Hell, even if you knew what they were, Prompto should chatter a mile a minute about them.

"Give it time, kid. We'll find a world like that one day." And he was pretty sure he'd love a word like that. He wasn't really technologically savvy. Gladio preferred to live off of the land. "Hey? Do you like camping?"

"Camping?"

He repeats the word, blinking at Gladio. Inigo sure knows what camps are. But to him it's always felt more like something that's necessary (how else are you going to travel around with a group of soldiers?) than something you either like or don't. It's like asking if you like breathing to him, hence why he seems slightly confused.

At least it's thoughtfully confused rather than him-running-his-mouth-like-an-idiot confused, considering he's still not exactly at 100% with the whole Yuki situation going on.

"I mean.. I suppose I should ask what it's like in your world? Just in case we're thinking of something different."

Edited 2020-07-24 21:24 (UTC)

Gladio gave Inigo a puzzled look. Clearly they had the same thing, otherwise the kid wouldn't be asking him that. He tried to imagine a way camping could be viewed differently and was coming up short. So he shrugged.

"Camping. Setting up a tent, starting a fire, relaxing under the stars. That kind of thing." Living off the land some, eating and living out in the wilds. It was something Gladio loved to do back home. It was something of a hobby, but he rarely, if ever, got a chance to talk about it to people. He knew it was boring.

.. This is rough. Because Inigo can see the slight difference here that confused him so much to begin with. But it's hard to point out said difference without giving away just a bit more about his situation than he'd like to. He doesn't want people to know how hard he had it. Gladio's smile is so nice! It shouldn't disappear for a second just because Inigo's had a crappy life.

"We travel around in tents back home." Maybe he can just make it seem like it's some voluntary nomadic lifestyle rather than a literal apocalyptic hellscape... "So I suppose I've never really thought about it as some special activity? To me it's always been.. just the way things were. If that makes sense? When I think of home, I don't really think of a building the way most people might."

"I guess different worlds see it different, huh?" Gladio should have considered that. From what little he knew of Inigo's world it made sense that the thing that Gladio thought of as a hobby was just a way of life for Inigo.

"Well lets turn this around. Do you have a hobby, Inigo? Back home mine was camping." He grinned. "But since that seems kind of dumb when that's just basic living for you, lets see what your hobby is? What did you guys do for fun back on... What's your world called anyway?"

Gladio! Gladio, dude, man, you can't just ask that! Sure, it might be an innocent enough question for most people, but answering what people did for fun in his world is really hard to do when pretty much all of their time was spent fighting for their lives, day by day..

Ugh. It's so hard to make up a fake hobby he knows nothing about. Maybe he could at least talk about dancing, since he managed to sneak some moments of practice with that in there back home, but that's embarrassing too.. He's mentally weighing talking about how depressing his life is versus talking about his embarrassing hobby.. Both suck! He never wanted this!

"Ylisse." Or well, that's the name of the country, and also the continent.. But that works enough, right? Besides, that's the easier question between everything else! "And... erm, we didn't have much time for doing things just for fun. You know, since there was always so much work to be done!"

Haha. Yes. Work. Clearly not work that involves facing death daily, nope siree!

"It's honestly kind of odd to me just how much free time we're getting here on this train."

"I supposed I can understand that..." Gladio nodded with a low laugh. "Can't say I had much time for fun myself. Between training and running around after Noct... And then later. Not much time for fun really." But camping was something they'd done out of necessity, luckily it had been a hobby of his so something that had come in pretty damn useful.

He shot a look at Inigo as he pushed open a door for him and waited for him to pass.

"... How much has Prompto told you about our world? Aside from chocobos?"

"Erm.."

Inigo seems to have to think for a moment. Prompto is a good guy, really, but the amount of words that can spew from his mouth in under a minute must be a world record. Hence why it's hard to tell what information was about his world among everything else..

So he'll just walk ahead through the door as he's thinking, frowning as he has to dig quite deep.

"Not too much, I think. He did show some pictures from your world, which is how I saw those chocobos. The landscapes looked pretty, though."

Gladio nodded, it sounded about right. Just talk about chocobo's, put a positive spin on it all. No need to bother anyone with the little details.

"It's beautiful there... But dangerous." Gladio stepped through the door and continued their walk through toward the kitchen. "We'd left home, the four of us, to take Noct to meet this Princess. They were supposed to get married. Not long after that... our city was destroyed." Gladio took a deep breath and sighed, frowning deeply. "There was supposed to be peace talks. But it was all a ploy to get beyond the city's shields. After that... we were less travelling and more on the run. Everywhere we turned they'd be there, hounding us..."

"As beautiful as our world is, it's not without it's problems. An enemy nation slowly trying to take over the world. My city, Insomnia, was the last one standing against them. And with us running around with the King... they needed him." But he'd left for the train before the real chaos started. He didn't see the things the others had. Ardyn. Altissia. Luna's death.

"It's weird, isn't it? For all the dangers, if someone offered me a way back home, I'd probably take it." Because he missed it. He missed his sister. He missed not being trapped in a tin can. Gladio's lips quirked into a smile then. "Point I#m getting at is, after leaving home, camping was a way of life then. It was our only home. Stopped being a hobby and more a necessity." Aside from the times when they were so damn tired they'd fork out for a motel. But with money tight, it had been camping most of the time. "Between fighting for our lifes, there wasn't much time to enjoy things... Even Noct's fishing stopped being for fun, he fished so we ate that night."

"I don't think it's that odd." Wanting to go back to a place that's dangerous, he means. Inigo may not necessarily feel the same - after all, even if he does go home, he'll eventually just have to vanish off to somewhere and change his identity once they defeat Grima, considering new baby versions of all of them will be born - but he can understand it. There are things - people - he really misses too, after all.

But he keeps it at that, letting Gladio finish speaking otherwise. Especially since.. well, that last part hits really close to home, though Inigo makes sure to smile and not betray as much.

"I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been hard, not having the time to stop and enjoy things." Ha... haaaah... "Although.. at least all of you were together. That must have been a good thing, right?"

Gladio laughed as they finally reached the kitchen and he moved into it to fill the kettle with water and get it boiling.

"It's not about stopping and enjoying myself. You can do that no matter what you do. Fighting beside a friend? That can feel just as good as taking time to sit and relax. We all do what we can to make the best of every situation." He half turned to look over at Inigo. "I'm just trying to tell you... you can keep hiding all you want, kid. But from one warrior to another, you're not doing yourself any favours pretending." Was it obvious Inigo was pretending? No. For a long while he'd had Gladio fooled. But he'd had some suspicions. This conversation just made him realise he was right to be suspicious. He just didn't know why.

At first Inigo isn't quite sure what to do - either sit down or help Gladio out with maybe grabbing something to have with that tea. But then Gladio speaks up, and those words are very much enough to make Inigo want to hide right away. And that's a lot easier to do while he's busy pretending to be looking for some snacks then while sitting down, so looking around the cupboards it is.

Not that he can fully hide that way.. He knows he has to at least say something in reply to Gladio's words. But what can he say? It doesn't feel like Gladio is the type to let him weasel his way out of this one.

"What do you think I'm pretending?" He ends up saying, not looking at Gladio and instead looking around the kitchen. It's at least not a full on rejection of what the man is saying - Inigo knows Gladio is at least on to something here that he can't get away with denying. But it helps a lot more to see what he could still possibly shove under the rug depending on what Gladio has realised.

"Everything." Gladio replied mildly. He'd pulled mugs down and found the tea bags. Shaking out first one and then the other, he smiled softly down into the mugs.

"I'm not calling you out so you spill your soul to me, kid. I like you. You've got a good heart. And you're tough. I can see that. But..." Gladio dropped the bags into the mugs and reached for the sugar. He liked his tea sweet. "... Keeping stuff bottled up will hurt you. Leaves a scar on that soul of yours. Wounds way deeper than you'd give them credit for. Eventually wounds like that'll tear you apart. It almost did me." Gladio had bottled so much up, even before the train. Once he was trapped on the train with nowhere to go, he'd been forced to confront it all and had fallen into a downward spiral of depression that had taken him a while to crawl out of. And it had hurt...

Apparently Inigo has managed to find a cookie jar after looking around for a bit. Of course there's very little cookies left in it with all the moochers here on the train - Inigo included - but he sticks his hand in to quickly shove a cookie into his mouth all the same, giving him an excuse to not immediately answer.

At least he's nice enough to shove the jar over in Gladio's direction as well in case he wants one - and it's not even meant as part of the distraction, Inigo would just feel guilty chowing down all by himself.

"It's better this way," he finally ends up saying when his mouth has cleared up again. "I don't want people to have to feel sorry for me."

For Yuki disappearing, at the moment, but also for everything in general. His dead parents. Him fighting for his life every day since he was so young. Traveling to a past where he would have no life left after saving the world, the fact that he's a total disappointment in the eyes of his father, the Exalt.. All of which he's completely tried to sweep under the carpet.

"Better me getting hurt than anyone else."

Gladio glanced to he side when he noticed Inigo shoving something at him. He smiled, half turned and reached into the jar to take one of the cookies. "Thank you." Instead of eating it though, he set it on the counter. Once the tea was made he'd eat it then.

"Feeling sorry for you?" He looked at Inigo with a confused frown. "Is that what you think'll happen? Not sympathy? Not empathy and understanding? Not comfort for a friend in a bad place? But you think they'd feel sorry for you, pity you?" He sighed and reached for the kettle as it boiled and added the water to the mugs.

"And why's it up to you to decide who gets hurt and who doesn't?" He asked once the kettle was set aside and he moved to stir the drinks. "... I might not be a close friend, Inigo. But if you're hurting, I'd like to help. I'm sure others would too. I'm sure if they were hurting you'd wanna know, right? You'd be sad if someone you cared about hid their pain from you?" Gladio shot him a quick glance and a gentle smile. "You pick who you tell. But you should talk to someone. Keeping things bottled up, especially from people who love you, hurts more in the long run."

Inigo clutches the cookie jar rather awkwardly as he listens to Gladio speak. Sure, it's not like he's necessarily getting scolded here, considering there's that smile on the older guy's face, but there's still some harsh truths he's being confronted with here. Mostly since he knows Gladio is right. Inigo would feel bad if someone else hid their pain from him. He knows he's a hypocrite.

But that doesn't mean he can just stop being that.

"But-- they don't have to be sad if they don't know." And granted, he sure isn't being very convincing right now about this whole Yuki situation, but even Inigo has had moments where he was better about actually hiding things. "People might be sad right along with me if they knew about my pain, and I.. don't want that."

He shakes his head, staring down at the jar in his arms.

"I only ever wanted to make people smile."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(open) i don't know how to word it

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

argh i never got a notif for this!! i'm so sorry, you should've booped me on the head ;;;