voidtreckerexpress | Falling fast asleep, may this little boy find blissful dreams.

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Falling fast asleep, may this little boy find blissful dreams.

Who: Allen Walker and anyone
Where: Music Carriage
When: Grasshopper Day 28
What: Allen pondering on what went on in the last world; a reminder of what might or might not happen. So he is making a choice. To speak or not to speak?
Warnings: Mentions of death are likely.

Allen very rarely came into this room, mostly because he wasn't the kind to actually want to play an instrument. But today was a rare exception as he sat at the piano, his fingers lightly touching the keys and making the occasional noise from it. It didn't seem like he was really playing it beyond that.

That was because he wasn't exactly planning to at that moment. Instead, he was thinking about what had just happened, that third memory had been something he had forgotten in the back of his mind since he had gone to Genessia. After all, he never showed signs of Nea around, so he wasn't there. But at the same time he still had the memories technically. So what did that mean?

He knew, either way, he needed to figure it out and so he placed his finger lightly on the keys and started to play a little tune. It was a reminder of the memories that he had, those that were meant to take over someday and when that does...

Shaking his head he stopped if for a moment. He knew deep down he wasn't going to let that happen, he knew he was and he was sure as hell that he was going to stay that way no matter what. But then it brought up another question. Should he tell people? After all, a complete stranger knows so...shouldn't those that he was close to knowing to?

With a small defeated sigh, he played a few notes again before once again starting with the tune again.

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Allen couldn't help but feel a little bit frustrated. He understood the seriousness of the whole situation, but there was so much he didn't know about, connections he didn't quite understand that he honestly didn't know how to go about anything with it.

"I know this is serious and I'm not relying on hope. I have to rely on myself most of the time. I did once have something in place for if I couldn't handle it, but I would rather not have to use that idea ever." There was a reason he was perfectly okay with Kanda doing the plan than those he considered close to. he felt like he couldn't do that to them.

Kanda had already stabbed him once before... so it was different. He could at least trust that he would be able to do it.

Well, at least it's good to hear that he is taking this seriously. Though..

"What was the idea?"

Of course Alice was going to ask that. It was inevitable the moment he brought it up. And she does realise she's being a bit pushy here, but come on, he can't expect to tell her about something that's a threat to his life and expect Alice to not fuss about it in her own way!

"I'm not saying that we have to implement it. I just want to make sure I know everything about this, in case it does end up happening in this place."

"You are going to get angry if I say." It wasn't exactly a brilliant idea, but more of a last resort idea. An idea that had to be done if nothing else was possible.

So he as sure she would get mad at it. But at the same time he was pretty sure he is meant to be saying, but he had no one he could say 100% he would be okay with doing it.

"But the plans was with someone I knew and was considered a last resort if I didn't manage to keep control and was basically them killing me." Now it was more obvious why someone might be mad about the plan.

Alice can't help but wonder what exactly this plan is that he's so convinced it's going to make her mad. It is just that stupid? Is it silly, ridiculous? That's the reason she's assuming, and she's trying to think of what the plan could be.

But then Allen says it himself. And she gets it. Of course he thinks it'd make her mad - because she always gets mad when his safety is on the line. And killing is about a lot more than just his safety. It's about his life itself.

Rather than getting mad though - or maybe it's just simmering deep down, who knows - the stare Alice gives him is almost a little more lost.

"What do you mean? Are you saying there wouldn't be any way to turn you back to normal? Would you be stuck like that until you die?"

"If he were to completely take control I'm essentially gone forever anyway, so there wouldn't be as far as I am aware." He thinks it's like it's another way of dying but instead of dying you just seem to fade away instead... which is not exactly a way he would like to go if he can help it.

"It was a plan both kanda and I came up with as a last resort as it's exactly that. A last resort. If it's to the point where I'm going to die either way, it's better we both do. But I'm at least wanting to find other ways first be it here or back home."

"Well.."

Her voice trails off, unsure of what to say at first. It's just such a wild thought. If Allen would arrive at that point, he would just be done for. No turning him back. He'd already be gone.

Alice hates that thought. She really does. Despite her being so often frustrated at him, it's really just because she worries about him. Because she doesn't want to see something happen to him, let alone see Allen disappear forever.

"If there is anything I can do to help in this place.. Let me know." She frowns. It's harder to say this, but if she isn't going to say it now, then how will she ever? "I.. don't want to see that happen to you, Allen. I don't want you to disappear forever."

"If there is you will be one of the first to be informed. But he knew as of this moment there wasn't anything except to simply keep an eye on things and hope that nothing does happen.

But that if he was lucky and usually that isn't the case.

But he soon smiled slightly. he was at least somewhat happy with what she said. "I'm glad that you said that. I don't either. it's why I at least try."

She feels an urge to scold him boil up. To tell him something like, 'don't be glad for as little as someone just saying they don't want you to disappear.'

But she understands it better than anyone. What it's like living while it feels like no one around you cares. While everyone just wishes you'd disappear from this world. Of course then you'd get glad for something as little as just one person saying that they don't want you to.

So she just nods.

"Alright."

Alice, at the very least, does believe he'll try. And maybe if she's there to keep an eye on things right alongside him, they can hope nothing will happen. Allen has made it so far and he's still alive, isn't he?

".. As long as you are aware that you're not alone."

"I at least understand it at this point. I know that running away from my problems even if it's to protect those I love is never a good idea." It's more been hammered into him, but it was odd how he worded it exactly.

But he at least understood that and he figured he was at least trying, even if his instant kept telling him otherwise.

"But... that's all there is to it and... I realised that I seem to trust you the most out of everyone here. I mean you know more about me than anyone else"

Oh god, Allen. Allen, what! Why did he suddenly have to slip in something like that? Alice may be growing used to at least acknowledging she has some friends here, but that has already been tough enough of a road for her.

So hearing him say something like that.. It's on another level entirely. Alice goes from looking completely caught off guard to looking extremely confused, then straight to awkward.

"Y.. You trust me the most?" She hates how she stammers, stumbling over her own words. Alice hates sounding weak in any way, but she's just unsure how to deal with the weight of that statement.

He wondered if he perhaps made a mistake or something at saying what he did. He felt bad but yet at the same time he was at least being honest.

Because of it he didn't know if he should say sorry or at least answer the question? Answering the question seemed like the obvious answer.

"Well yeah, I mean out of everyone on the train you know me the most, which... I am sure is a sign of trust."

It's little things like this that remind her that, despite appearances, Allen is in ways trying to figure out these kinds of things just as much as Alice herself is. How to deal with other people, how to deal with forming bonds, forming friendships. It always seems like Allen would be better at it, more well-adjusted, but sometimes he says these little things - I am sure is a sign of trust - that make Alice feel so much less out of her depth.

So even though she's a little flustered, it makes her regain some mental footing as she slightly nods.

".. Right. I just.." She shakes her head, trying to explain herself better. "No one has ever said anything like that to me."

No one ever trusted her. If anything, people just distrusted her. Constantly. Because she was too volatile, too violent. A threat. A risk.

Not a trusted friend.

"So you thinking about me like that.. It means a lot to me. I want to make sure to live up to that trust."

"Really?" That was something he was use to himself. Things people say always being something new for him. After all for as long as he can remember the only people before the Order that actually seemed to like him were only a hand full, not that many and Cross honestly was, for the most part, questionable considering what he would do.

But for him to was important in a way. All things considering. "Just keep being you, that's all I expect really."

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Falling fast asleep, may this little boy find blissful dreams.

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