We're trying so hard to get it all right

[shadowcourage]

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.

Comments

[shadowcourage]

"Prove it. Link wants to be sure ya can actually be depended upon if he has to if yer both in a fight," Shadow said. "I'm to put ya through the ringer."

Which is a lie, but then, he had his point to make, stopping with his back turned to Clef, across the field.

"So shut up and give me a minute to calm down so I don't just eviscerate ya. We're done talking."

[guru_clef]

"What do you mean we're done talking? Prove it how? Shadow, you're not making any sense!"

[shadowcourage]

Shadow sighs and shakes his head, still not facing him, breathing deep, letting it out, as if trying to calm himself.

His foot shifts, onto a shadow and he feels it. The connection toClef's own. And Shadow....is mad. Hurt. Frustrated. He wants to throttle Clef and make him approach a problem at all differently.

Shadow is willing to be cruel to make it happen.

It starts subtly.

Why won't he listen? Its been so long since I've seen him and he won't give me chance! Even Link is angry, when it should be a joyous occasion that we have him back.

Wait.

Isn't that timing....suspect? Is Shadow....really here?

Thoughts that sound very much like Clef's own voice.

The best way to learn to resist mind control was to fight it. Shadow wanted to see how hard it was for Clef with unideal circumstance.

[guru_clef]

The first words confused him. What did Shadow say? But he looked and Shadow... didn't seem to be talking. Wait, no, what? And then his own voice but... that wasn't his thought. Well, wasn't now.

It had been, when they snapped him out. But he knew how the train worked. And they were on the train now... weren't they?

What.... what was going on here? His head started to hurt, and he shook it trying to clear it. "Something is wrong, Shadow. We need to go, see if it is just here or the whole train, we need to figure this out, whatever it is, and stop it..."

[shadowcourage]

"Clef, yet not making it easy to calm down. Nothing is wrong," Shadow said, annoyance clear in his voice.

What are the chances, that the moment Link saw through a fake paradise, Shadow was really there? A Shadow who led Link away from him before he could be freed. Who kept him away so long?

The thoughts were getting louder. More confident and certain. They sound so real.

Was it to buy time? To construct another illusion, another version of the train where the entity caused strife to keep them divided, from working together? Causing personal drama and pain. A distraction!

[guru_clef]

He crumpled, hands on his head. It all made sense. It did. All of it. Except the train... why would it care enough to...

Except it had made the while city.

Maybe it didn't take extra effort to...

Was Shadow only here because of how desperately he and Link wanted him there? Was he being a fool yet again? No matter what Shadow thought, Clef did love him. Had for ages now, was that love what was making Clef think he was actually here? Because he wanted him to be?

But... if it was just wanting them to be there, wouldn't the princess be there too?

Or... Or did Link and Shadow and Zelda now matter to him more than even home did?

Or.. Wait.. WAIT! Zelda...

He wanted Zelda to remember him as desperately as he wanted Shadow to be here and remembering him. The three of them from Hyrule made his new family, if this was an illusion giving him what he wanted...

"Zelda.. we have to find Zelda," he gasped. If Zelda remembered Naut, then this was all a trap. Because she really was on the train, but wasn't the same, or was the same but without the memories... Zelda. He had to find Zelda, then he'd know for sure. Logic and love together... he... he could do this.

Somehow.

Even if he knew that he would break again if this Shadow was proven false.

So would Link.

Was it better to just pretend? To go with the Sto... no.

No. He needed to know what reality was. How could he ever trust anything if he knowingly accepted a lie like that, no matter how much he wished it to be true...

[shadowcourage]

"Zelda? Zelda's here?" He asked, looking back with some interest.

Would Zelda be safe around an impostor?

[guru_clef]

"So...sort of. She doesn't remember Naut. At all. Didn't remember me..."

His head was splitting as he tried to shove that doubt aside. Of course Zelda would be safe. He would keep her safe, Link would keep her safe, the others on the train would keep her safe. Plus she was good at defending herself, even without Bending. And if this was a fake.... He hadn't been attacked yet, no reason to think she would be. Zelda would be safe. And then... then they'd know...

He wanted Shadow to be really here. Desperatly.

But wasn't that exactly why he had to doubt?

[shadowcourage]

"Is there a reason she should?" Shadow asked.

But can I keep them safe? I wasn't able to before, because I hesitated, because I thought Link was with Shadow, and I left him alone on the planet.

[guru_clef]

"Wh....why wouldn't she...?" He was staggering badly now. Mentally and physically.

[shadowcourage]

"Are ya sure she's the same person?" Shadow asked.

The chances are rather unlikely. Considering the amount of worlds there are, what are the chances Zelda, Link, and Shadow would be here?

Just like Shadow showing up now seems so unlikely.

[guru_clef]

"Re...reincarnation..." he mumbled. Same Zelda, different Zelda but same..." he slumped to the ground, head splitting.

[shadowcourage]

"Is that what ya think reincarnation is?" He asked, walking over to Clef with a cold look.

What if this impostor was the same? Even if it was a Shadow...what if it was a Shadow who still choose evil?

[guru_clef]

"The core of the person...stays the same... Zelda is always Zelda... even.., of she never met me." And Shadow was always shadow... he thought fiercely. And if he made a choice like that this time they'd help him.

[shadowcourage]

"Ya really think yer that important, huh?" Shadow asked.

But how much danger would he be before he could be helped?

[guru_clef]

"Y...yes..." If he was in less pain he might have contextualized, explained what he meant, why he said that. But he couldn't form coherent enough thoughts for an answer that complex.

We'd find a way... somehow. He wouldn't ever hurt Link or Zelda... redirect... to me..... give them time to get through.... he wouldn't... So much pain. Wouldn't listen to me anyway....

[shadowcourage]

"Yes what?" Shadow asked.

Except he wouldn't care about me, would he? Link and Zelda are the ones who matter to him. He would never focus on me over them.

[guru_clef]

"I... am...." he curled up, holding his head.

He wouldn't... but maybe...maybe one day. Helping him...has...has to come first....

[shadowcourage]

"Why?" He asked, crouching over him, chin resting in hand.

But that possibility would be far in the future at best. It wouldn't work now. I can't distract him. He could hurt them. If he could hurt his original Link and Zelda...

[guru_clef]

He was trying so hard to focus on Shadow, to show him he is important, but he was having trouble focusing on anything but his swirling thoughts. He opened his mouth, trying to reply, but words deserted him. The only sound that escaped was a faint whimpering.

He'd never hurt them, never. Firm belief.

[shadowcourage]

Shadow sighed, just watching him with a bored look.

My Shadow wouldn't.

But this impostor....he could.

[guru_clef]

Then we'd know he wasn't real... the core of Shadow.. is good. No matter what he thinks about himself, he is good. And Link and Zelda are dearer to him than anything. No one would be harder on him than him if they got hurt... Shadow would never hurt them.

[shadowcourage]

The foreign thoughts get stronger.

Dark magic is connected to negative emotion and its impossible not get angry at his utter refusal to acknowledge reality.

But then why did he want to steal Link away? Abandon me? Create this rift?

[guru_clef]

Because he will never love me the way that I love him, because he will always love Link and Zelda more than anything. And he did not kidnap Link, Link... Link went willingly... they both left me... painful whisper of thought that....

And left Shadow a hint of something a wisp of thought that Clef usually worked to keep locked away from even himself. But with the pain and how close that last thought came... the familiar pain welled up, granting him to names laced with pain. Lantis. Zagato.

Pain, at the moment, over even the rage usually used by Clef when Zagato came up. With the connection between this and that the anger was absent for the moment, leaving pain. So much pain.

[shadowcourage]

There is pain, but there is anger, and that was the thing about Shadow. The thing he knew about himself. Kindness was a choice. Care was a choice. To consider his affect on others was always a thing he had to choose.

And it was so much easier to just not care and Clef needed to understand that.

And pain over Zagato was not a surprise. Betrayal was often like that.

Of course he never had to kidnap Link. He had just to get Link to believe he was real. That's the danger of impostors.