We're trying so hard to get it all right

[shadowcourage]

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.

Comments

[shadowcourage]

"Zelda? Zelda's here?" He asked, looking back with some interest.

Would Zelda be safe around an impostor?

[guru_clef]

"So...sort of. She doesn't remember Naut. At all. Didn't remember me..."

His head was splitting as he tried to shove that doubt aside. Of course Zelda would be safe. He would keep her safe, Link would keep her safe, the others on the train would keep her safe. Plus she was good at defending herself, even without Bending. And if this was a fake.... He hadn't been attacked yet, no reason to think she would be. Zelda would be safe. And then... then they'd know...

He wanted Shadow to be really here. Desperatly.

But wasn't that exactly why he had to doubt?

[shadowcourage]

"Is there a reason she should?" Shadow asked.

But can I keep them safe? I wasn't able to before, because I hesitated, because I thought Link was with Shadow, and I left him alone on the planet.

[guru_clef]

"Wh....why wouldn't she...?" He was staggering badly now. Mentally and physically.

[shadowcourage]

"Are ya sure she's the same person?" Shadow asked.

The chances are rather unlikely. Considering the amount of worlds there are, what are the chances Zelda, Link, and Shadow would be here?

Just like Shadow showing up now seems so unlikely.

[guru_clef]

"Re...reincarnation..." he mumbled. Same Zelda, different Zelda but same..." he slumped to the ground, head splitting.

[shadowcourage]

"Is that what ya think reincarnation is?" He asked, walking over to Clef with a cold look.

What if this impostor was the same? Even if it was a Shadow...what if it was a Shadow who still choose evil?

[guru_clef]

"The core of the person...stays the same... Zelda is always Zelda... even.., of she never met me." And Shadow was always shadow... he thought fiercely. And if he made a choice like that this time they'd help him.

[shadowcourage]

"Ya really think yer that important, huh?" Shadow asked.

But how much danger would he be before he could be helped?

[guru_clef]

"Y...yes..." If he was in less pain he might have contextualized, explained what he meant, why he said that. But he couldn't form coherent enough thoughts for an answer that complex.

We'd find a way... somehow. He wouldn't ever hurt Link or Zelda... redirect... to me..... give them time to get through.... he wouldn't... So much pain. Wouldn't listen to me anyway....

[shadowcourage]

"Yes what?" Shadow asked.

Except he wouldn't care about me, would he? Link and Zelda are the ones who matter to him. He would never focus on me over them.

[guru_clef]

"I... am...." he curled up, holding his head.

He wouldn't... but maybe...maybe one day. Helping him...has...has to come first....

[shadowcourage]

"Why?" He asked, crouching over him, chin resting in hand.

But that possibility would be far in the future at best. It wouldn't work now. I can't distract him. He could hurt them. If he could hurt his original Link and Zelda...

[guru_clef]

He was trying so hard to focus on Shadow, to show him he is important, but he was having trouble focusing on anything but his swirling thoughts. He opened his mouth, trying to reply, but words deserted him. The only sound that escaped was a faint whimpering.

He'd never hurt them, never. Firm belief.

[shadowcourage]

Shadow sighed, just watching him with a bored look.

My Shadow wouldn't.

But this impostor....he could.

[guru_clef]

Then we'd know he wasn't real... the core of Shadow.. is good. No matter what he thinks about himself, he is good. And Link and Zelda are dearer to him than anything. No one would be harder on him than him if they got hurt... Shadow would never hurt them.

[shadowcourage]

The foreign thoughts get stronger.

Dark magic is connected to negative emotion and its impossible not get angry at his utter refusal to acknowledge reality.

But then why did he want to steal Link away? Abandon me? Create this rift?

[guru_clef]

Because he will never love me the way that I love him, because he will always love Link and Zelda more than anything. And he did not kidnap Link, Link... Link went willingly... they both left me... painful whisper of thought that....

And left Shadow a hint of something a wisp of thought that Clef usually worked to keep locked away from even himself. But with the pain and how close that last thought came... the familiar pain welled up, granting him to names laced with pain. Lantis. Zagato.

Pain, at the moment, over even the rage usually used by Clef when Zagato came up. With the connection between this and that the anger was absent for the moment, leaving pain. So much pain.

[shadowcourage]

There is pain, but there is anger, and that was the thing about Shadow. The thing he knew about himself. Kindness was a choice. Care was a choice. To consider his affect on others was always a thing he had to choose.

And it was so much easier to just not care and Clef needed to understand that.

And pain over Zagato was not a surprise. Betrayal was often like that.

Of course he never had to kidnap Link. He had just to get Link to believe he was real. That's the danger of impostors.

[guru_clef]

With that thought... he agreed completely, tears running.

[shadowcourage]

Shadow scoffed. That was too easy and probably rooted in Clef thinking he didn't matter. "Yer really self centered, ya know that?"

What other things could the impostor get him to agree to? If this impostor was pulling Link from me, what was the point of it?

Was he going to hurt Link? Was he going to talk him away?

[guru_clef]

"Wh...what?" he asked, forcing his eyes open. No. He needed to pay attention. Had to focus. If this really was Shadow, he needed to talk to him. Needed to focus.

Because they needed to know... because this could be an imposter... but this could also be real. And if it was real....

Better he get hurt than hurt Shadow. Better he get hurt than let a fake hurt anyone else wearing his son's face and name.

He had to figure this out, had to protect them all...

Somehow....

Link said that he had to step up as the dad and this was what the father was supposed to do... right? Protect them no matter what?

His thoughts were breaking, fragmenting. Splintering...

[shadowcourage]

"Ya heard what I said," Shadow said.

A father is supposed to protect. A father is supposed to protect. He couldn't let an impostor hurt Link, hurt Zelda.

[guru_clef]

"I.... I'm... what am I...."

Breaking. Breaking.

But if he's actually Shadow.. can't hurt him either... have to show I trust him... even if he can't accept love... have to....

Have to....

Father. Guru. Ascended.

The words swam like sharks around him, part of his mind even as they devoured it. He was shaking even as he was getting paler and paler. Hitting the breaking point at a hundred miles an hour and speeding up. Always speeding up.

Have to...

[shadowcourage]

"Yer what?" Shadow asked.

But what were the chances of Shadow being here?

Can I risk Link, the son I know is here, on a vain hope?